sociopath [yeonbin]

nine

my black fire's burning bright
maybe i'll go out tonight
we can paint the town in blue
▪︎▪︎▪︎

just another day for soobin to pour all of his efforts on his painting with pure dedication. his eyes watched how his fingers moved to its shapes, colours, tone, lines and texture, how the brush looked so perfect in between his thumb and index finger when gifting a meaning to the painting.

the only beautiful thing in this world that can relieve his mental strain is creating mind blowing arts, stimulating his creative mind. his arts are his validation but most of his paintings are of his pain, so is his pain his validation?

he can't help but paint yeonjun. all the time he finds himself surrendering to a love that ruins his mental peace. whenever they fight, whenever yeonjun shows an intolerable attitude and whenever soobin has to be the one to apologize even after doing nothing wrong, whenever their relationship goes downhill, he finds himself painting yeonjun.

they say pain finds art to be a safe haven and soobin can relate to it in all ways. vulnerability, indeed, inspires to create art as art stems from desire and yeonjun is his desire, till the end of eternality.

just like how he painted the infuriating rage in his favourite pair of eyes, the feigned smile which yeonjun flashes for soobin to be happy while thinking he can't see the real emptiness hiding behind, the cocky smirk of yeonjun whenever he wins in every argument, the obsession in those desirable eyes and what not.

apart from the artworks for his exhibition, his art room is full of yeonjun.

soobin knows yeonjun's real smile so well, it won't even take a matter of seconds for him to identify whether the smile is compelled or not. but he surely doesn't know about yeonjun's tears at all, he will never understand when those tears are faked and when not.

his arts of his lover are about the reality that has stuck in his mind to hunt him forever.

however, this time, the art he is working on currently, portrays the side of his love that only exists in his mind, in his imagination.

a pure yeonjun, smiling like an angel. not the kind of smile he showed when soobin confessed his feelings years ago, not the kind of smile he showed when soobin blocked his bestfriend, not the kind of smile he forged or not any kinds of smiles he knew he could do.

while painting with so much love and patience, a trail of memories couldn't help playing on his gloomy mind to enliven him.

"junnie, as none of us wants to get pregnant for holy nine months, how about adopting a baby to raise them like ours? maybe ten years later when you'll marry me or maybe fifteen years?" soobin asked randomly, head rested on yeonjun's lap, he who kept showering the other with headpats.

"fifteen years? you need to tolerate me for a long time- no, for your lifetime then." said the blue haired boy, caressing soobin's hair as if it was the best thing to do in his life before adding,"wait but baby??!!"

"ye, baby." soobin looked up to witness yeonjun's face turning pale, "noo, i hate babies. why do we need babies? not that soob."

"but they are adorable-"

"no, they can't eat by themselves, don't earn money and....they can't even do just one fucking thing except crying. they are burdens to our nation, thus, babies should be banned."