Angel With A Shotgun (Walking Dead Fanfic)

Chapter 23: Hoodies and Sweatshirts

Chapter Twenty Three


Hoodies and Sweatshirts


▬ First Person- Electra’s P.O.V ▬ 


     Awkwardly, we awaited Sophia’s and Rick’s return. Not a word was shared among anyone, but I could tell everyone was doing the same thing.

     Praying.

     Hoping.

     I for one was lost in my own thoughts with my hand on the yellow mustang I was leaned against, my pinky finger brushing Glenn’s who was directly on my right and my arm slung protectively around Stacie who was on my left, fearing that if I let her out of my sight she would go running off after Sophia like I was tempted to.

     The heard had made me lose my shit, triggered a memory from my childhood that I hadn’t come across for years. A memory that had long been forgotten. The memory had felt so real, as if I had been reliving it for the second time. Switching in between the reminiscence and reality could have cost me my life if I was in any other situation, not to mention other peoples.

     Glancing upwards, my eye line landed on Shane who’s eyes were fixed on me intently. ‘Don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact’ I told myself mentally. Shifting my eye line, his eyes began to bore into mine. ‘Shit.’ The look he gave me was a mixture between worried and I-can-read-your-mind. But was he worried because of my little freak out earlier or by the fact he knew I was hiding what had happened back in the CDC from him? 

     Silently, I hoped it was neither of the two…or the first option at best. Shane knew me too well, if he had suspicions about option two, he would be sure to find out by carefully gluing all the pieces of ‘evidence’ together. He was a cop for a reason.  

     “Lori?” Rick’s voice sounded after a brief rustling sound causing everyone to look in the direction of the rustling in curiosity.

     “We’re here!” Lori hissed as everyone moved forward before I caught sight of Rick practically crawling out of the entrance to the forest. Judging on the blood spatter on his shirt, he had successfully managed to kill the walkers. Breathing heavily, he straightened up causing me to look behind him for Sophia but…she wasn’t there. Everyone looked at Rick in confusion as Rick looked around at us in confusion.

     “W-where’s Sophia?” Rick questioned breathlessly, continuing to scan around for her, expecting an answer that was not given. “She’s not back?” he enquired with disbelief.

     Suddenly, Carol burst out into tears from beside me causing me to frown and stare at Rick who ran a hand through his greasy dark hair out of stress. As I turned my head to look at Carol, she slowly dropped to her knees instigating  Lori and Andrea to crouch down and comfort Carol whilst I marched towards Rick.

     “What happened out there?” I asked him, in a whisper taking him to the side. “Why would Sophia be with us? Why isn’t she with you?” I interrogated him, still in a quiet voice.

     “I-I-” Rick began, his breath beginning to return back to normal as he gazed towards the forest briefly before returning his eyes back to me. “Two walkers were on our trails, I drew them off after telling her to make her way back here.” He explained causing me to look downwards towards the floor. “I had-” Rick grabbed my arm softly causing my eye line to shoot back up to his face.
     
     “I know, Rick.” I assured him, grabbing his arm softly. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, I have never had doubt about your decision making skills and I have no doubts now.” I told him truthfully before we both let go of each other’s arms.

      “What can I do, Ellie? I can’t just leave her out there.”

     “I know, I know.” I agreed, taking a pause for thinking. “Look, you take us back to where you last saw her.” I proposed, the look on his face suggested he was about to object. “Not all of us, just a little group. You, me, Shane, Glenn and Daryl. Daryl’s an expert tracker and I’m a pretty damn good tracker as well.” I carried on. “You take us back there and we’ll find her, alright?”

     “Yeah.” Rick said quietly after a short pause for thought as he placed his hands on his hips. “Alright.” He nodded vigorously.  

      “Alright.” I nodded with him. “Listen up y’all!” I instructed as I turned back to talk to the entire group. “We’ve got a plan, we’re gonna go back and find Sophia.” I told them the obvious. “Me, Rick, Shane, Glenn and Daryl… if it’s alright with you guys?” My eyes darted between every single one of them as they shared a look began to nod. Nodding back, they began to prep their weapons.

     “Alright y’all, no need to panic!” Shane took over the job of shouting at the group from me. “We’ll be back with Sophia soon.” He reassured them which appeared not to be working very well as everyone just stared through him. “Best to busy yourselves while we’re gone, continue the search for supplies. You get hungry? Ellie found a box of food in one of the vehicles, it’s back inside the R.V.” he instructed causing everyone to turn around.

     Without a word, I fetched my bow and arrow for extra measure. I wasn’t sure I wanted to risk a gun with a heard nearby. Setting eyes on the hoodie Daryl had passed me beforehand, I shrugged it on not wanting to carry it around with me.

     “No.”

     “Why not?”

     Pivoting back around, I saw that there appeared to be an argument going on was in between short Thea and Shane who towered over her. Narrowing my eyes in confusion, I continued walking towards Glenn, Rick, Daryl, Shane and Thea wondering what was happening.

     “What’s going on?”  

     “Thea here-” Shane began before letting out a sarcastic chuckle of disbelief. “Thea here wants to join us on our look for Sophia.” He explained.

     “I see no reason why I shouldn’t be allowed to join you guys.” Thea shot back at Shane, crossing her arms around her chest.

     “Guys.” Their heads shot in my direction. “We’re wasting time here.” I told them. “Sophia’s still out there.” I reminded them both. “I don’t see a problem with Thea joining us Shane, so she can come.” I made the decision before starting towards the forest.

     “She doesn’t even have a weapon.” Shane pointed out, walking up beside me. Rolling my eyes, fully knowing that he was just making excuses now I fished out my hunting knife and handed it to Thea whilst walking into the forest without a word.  


►►►


     “You sure this is the right spot?” Daryl questioned Rick whilst he examined where Rick had claimed to have left Sophia under the creek bed whilst Rick, Daryl and I sloshed around in the shallow creek waters. In the meantime Thea, Shane and Glenn stayed on dry land, every one of us canvasing the area to look for Sophia.

     “I left her right there.” Rick reinforced, pointing at the little space underneath the creek bed. Truth be told, it was one of the best places to hide. “I drew the walkers away off in that direction, up the creek.” Rick informed Daryl and I, pointing diagonally.

     “Without a paddle….Seems where we’ve landed.”

     “She was gone by the time I got back here.” Rick described as he straightened up fully. “I figured she just took off and ran back to the group.” I retold as he sloshed through the water. “I told her to go that way and keep the sun on her left shoulder.” Rick pointed in another direction which was the cue for me and Daryl to follow in the direction in which he was pointing in for tracks.

     “Hey!” Rick called. “Short round.” He addressed Glenn causing me to roll my eyes as I recalled that ‘Short Round’ was Japanese, it seemed that Daryl had yet again forgotten that Glenn was Korean. “Why don’t you step off to one side?” he suggested aggressively. “You’re mucking up the trail.” He told him causing Daryl to shift to the right.

     “Assuming she knows her left from right.” I heard Shane voice from his spot above the creek whilst my eyes scanned the ground for clues.

     “Shane,” Rick started, getting hold of what Shane was insinuating. “She understood me just fine.” He told him from somewhere behind me.

     “The kids we have are a lot smarter than y’all think they are.” I turned my head to my biological brother and my brother who had earned his title well. “Y’all don’t give them enough credit.” I pointed out, remembering how Stacie had cleverly ‘fainted’ pretending to be unconscious to avoid any confrontation with Glenn and T-Dog when they first met. “She’s twelve Shane, not an idiot.” I reminded Shane earning myself a side long look off of my brother from above. “She knew her left from right.”

     “Well,” Shane started once more as I turned back to search for the tracks. “Kid’s tired and scared.” He prompted us all to remember. “She had her a close call with two walkers.” He continued. “Got to wonder how much of what she was told stuck…”

     “Sh-”

     “Well, you two idiots can argue all day if you want.” Daryl was the one to turn back at them this time whilst I spotted a pair of tracks which I guess he had seen before. “But we got ourselves a clear set of prints right here.” He informed them as I opened my mouth, following the trail with my eyes.

     “She did like you said,” I pointed out positioning myself so that I was looking at Rick. “Headed back to the highway.” I nodded, seeing Rick exhale out of relief. “Let’s spread out, make our way back.” I suggested.

     “Let’s go.” Shane was pulling Daryl up by the hand whilst I span around. “She couldn’t have gone far.” Shane stated. From above, Daryl turned around and offered me his hand which I gladly took before he began to pull me up onto the highland whilst Shane helped Rick upward as well. “Hey, we’re gonna find her. She’ll be tuckered out hiding in a bush somewhere.” Thea passed me my bow before I passed her, following the trail from behind Daryl before he began to kneel down.

     “She was doing just fine till here.” Daryl told everyone causing me to crouch down beside him to get a better look at the tracks.

     “All she had to do was keep going….” I pointed out with a frown. “But she veered off that way.” I literally pointed this time, to my left.

     “Why would she do that?” Glenn questioned.

     “Maybe she saw something that spooked her,” Thea suggested, still clutching my hunting knife in her hand. “Made her run off…” she finished. “Like a walker?” she proposed.

     “Naw.” I denied with a shake of my head. “Though it is a good guess.” I added on turning my head to smile at her. “I don’t see any other footprints…” I frowned sadly, wondering what had caused her to veer off to her left. “Just hers.” I traced the small footprints.

     “So what do we do?” Shane questioned us whilst I stood up straight. “All of us press on?” he enquired looking to Rick and me.

     “No, better if you and Glenn get back up to the highway,” he stated. “And Thea too.” He added on causing Thea to frown a little. “People are gonna start panicking. Let them know we’re on Sophia’s trail, doing everything we can. But most of all keep everybody calm.” He instructed.

     “I think you should join them, Rick.” I spoke up. “I mean, you are one of the best kind of people for doing things like that.” I added on a compliment, hoping to enforce my point. “Daryl, Thea and I are perfectly capable of following her trail.” My words caused Shane to splutter. “Not that you’ve asked her but Thea happens to be a good tracker too, better than you lot.” I lied.

     “She’s right.” Much to my surprise Daryl agreed with me. “We don’t need any more people than necessary.” He nodded. “Let alone those who have messed up the tracks. Me, Electra and Thea are the only ones who haven’t messed with the trail so far.” He pointed out.

     “You should look after your boy.” I advised Rick. “And Lori too.” It pained me to add it but I had too. “They’re scared, you didn’t see their faces earlier.”

     “She’s right, you’re also a father and husband Rick.” Shane reminded him. “We’ll keep ‘em busy scavenging cars. Think up a few other chores. We’ll keep ‘em occupied.” He guaranteed. “Come on.” He said, urging Rick back in the direction of the highway.

     “Come on!” Daryl barked at us before he began to follow the tracks both quickly but cautiously. Successfully, I managed to keep up with him while Thea trailed on behind us like a lost puppy in silence, still clutching my hunting knife in her right hand, not wishing to mess anything up. “You and me both know you lied to those idiots: She aint any sort of tracker.” Daryl mumbled under his breath to me so that Thea could not hear.

     “I don’t understand why everyone’s so against her helping when she wants to…” I admitted to him in a whisper. “Her lack of experience?” I asked causing Daryl to nod. “Well…how can she gain experience if no one gives her a chance?” I questioned. “Plus Shane was being a class ‘A’ asshole.” I added in a hiss. “Her reactions are unbelievable, they have saved my life twice…they could save Sophia’s too.” I made my argument pretty clear and convincing causing Daryl to make a facial expression as if to say ‘Fair point’.

     Guess I was pretty convincing when I wanted to be, I mean, I had appeared to have persuaded Daryl to my way of thinking or at least to accept it. Pressing onwards, we headed deeper and deeper into the forest before her tracks nearly disappeared into nothing. Only observant people would have been able to still see the tracks, Shane and Rick would sure as hell have turned back, thinking the trail had run cold. Pffft, The police really needed to train their people better, it’s pretty sad when they had the same tracking skills I had when I was seven years old.

     “The tracks…” Thea started, finally catching up with us when we had paused. ‘They’re gone’ I played out her next words in my head. “They’re lighter…fainter…” she pointed out, obviously confused. My eyes must have opened as wide as the headlights on a car and my eye brows must have shot skywards out of shock. “I can barely see them…” she commented. Wow…it turns out Thea was actually a good tracker…or had the potential to be. “Why are they barely visible here?” she questioned, scanning over the tracks.  

     “Many reasons.” Daryl replied, not sounding anywhere as near impressed as I was. “Too many to go through now.” Daryl dismissed the of giving Thea an insight on the world of tracking. “Come on.” He egged us on, continuing forwards, following the tracks carefully. “We’re menna be looking for this little girl, not having ourselves a tutorial on tracking.” He kicked us back on track.

     “She went through here.”  I pointed in the direction the tracks were heading in, having swerved ever so slightly. I passed Daryl out and taking the job of leading over from Daryl. Slowly, I scrutinized the tracks, not wanting to hit a false dead end now.         

     “Why the hell are you wearing that damn hoodie?” Daryl questioned, not having paid any attention to my wardrobe before that point which was good- it showed that he had been concentrated on the tracks and giving it his all. “It’s damn well boiling up in this forest. What’s wrong with you?” he quizzed me causing me to roll my eyes as I advanced further, my eyes glued to the track.

     “Well… I didn’t want to be dragging it around with me,” I retorted. “That would be impractical.” I noted without turning my head, I didn’t have to look back to know he was looking at the back of head as if I were a mental patient. “It’s for Sophia.” I told him.

     “Now…What the hell would Sophia want with an oversized, worn, powdered blue hoodie?” Daryl demanded in a raised voice from only a few inches behind me causing Thea to giggle softly, obviously thinking the same thing but being to polite to voice it in such a way.

     “In England, the emergency services put a towel around subjects who are in shock.” I explained. “I doubt Sophia’s going to be right as rain after her close encounter with those walkers…” I rolled my eyes once more. “And I don’t have a towel….. so I suppose Sophia will just have to deal with this ‘oversized, worn, powdered blue hoodie’.” I echoed Daryl’s earlier words with venom in my tone.

     “You really care about her….” Thea pointed out quietly. “Don’t you?” she enquired, but I simply ignored the question knowing the answer was ‘Yes’. Everyone cared about Sophia, not just me, now that was a stupid question to ask. “Rick…Shane…Glen…the others, minus Carol….” She began to articulate with obvious difficulty. “They only really care about her physical state….like she’s a thing. But you….you care about her as a person…her feelings.” Thea stated. “Nobody else thought of something so simple as to bring a hoodie for when we found her but you did….you really do care.” Thea pointed out.

     Of course I cared about her, but I never thought about it like that before. I guess I cared about her like that was because I…I identified with her. I was her, or used to be her- beaten by my dad. Beaten children are always the only ones who really get each other. Unlike Sophia, people had cared more about my mental scars than the physical ones. I had received help.

     Despite how stupid I thought Mr Howard was, he really did help me and Shane. It’s the reason why no one can tell we’ve been beaten, he had help, way to adjust. They can’t tell, the only signs were my back and Shane’s nose which a lie could be conjured about on the spot. But I could tell….Sophia, Carol and Daryl.    
       
     Rustle.

     The rustling noise had sounded from nearby and had caused Daryl and I to crouch down immediately. Predicting that Thea was not prepared, I pulled Thea down to our level by her hand. Silently, I pointed in that direction I knew the rustling had come from as I started to tread carefully in its direction.

     When I caught a glimpse of the source- a stray walker which was slowly, roaming in a dip in the landscape- I looked backwards to Daryl for instructions. Without a noise, he used his hands to signal what was going to go down. Knowing that it had gone straight over Thea’s head, I pulled Thea along with me to where Daryl had silently instructed us to go- at the top of the dip, within the walker’s sights.

     It appeared that the walker still hadn’t noticed us, so I whistled loudly to draw its attention to us. Groaning, the walker finally looked up to me and Thea. Before it could start towards us, an arrow pierced its eye causing it to fall down to the ground, unblocking my view of Daryl who smirked at me.

     “Electra!” Thea screamed.

     Whirling around, I came face to face with a walker which was snarling at me, snapping its teeth at me, yellow eyes boring into mine. In the heat on the moment, I did the worst thing I could have possibly done- I tackled it to the rough ground.

     “THEA!”

     Desperately, I screamed for her help but I did not gain it.  I guess it was just me on this one. Forcing myself off of the zombie I crawled backwards, hoping to gain some time. Kicking it in the face, stopped it for but a moment. But a moment was all it took for me to be able to leap to my feet before it went for me again. Grunting, I ripped an arrow from my quiver and plunged it deep into the walker’s eye. Growling, I did it for God knows how many times before it finally stopped moving.

     “Y’all alright up there?!”

     “Yeah.” I replied gruffly.

     ‘No thanks to Thea.’ I wanted to yell, I could have screamed at her. God knew I wanted to. I could have died because of her cowardice. Why didn’t she help me? Everyone else thought she was a coward, but I never had. Raising my head ever so slightly, I took the time to catch my breath.

     Thinking back to Sophia, I examined the dead walker. ‘No flesh in its teeth or skin underneath its nails.’ I noted in relief before realising a blade poking through its neck. Pulling the dead walker towards me, I took the blade out of the back of its neck to see that it was my own hunting knife. Thea did try to help, but she had already used her weapon and was unable to retrieve it.

     “Next time…..” I breathed heavily. “Try aiming a little higher….” I continued before finally catching my breath. “It had to be the head.” I reminded her whilst passing the blade back to her. Pushing myself to my feet, I grunted again and wiped the blood on the arrow onto the grass before placing it back into my quiver.

     “I doubt Sophia’s gonna be wanting that hoodie now, not matter how ‘in shock’ she is.” Daryl yelled as Thea and I headed towards him. Ignoring his words, I simply dropped down to my knees in front of the walker that was laid down on its stomach. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Daryl quizzed me. ‘Was that a little concern I heard in his voice?’ I thought to myself before I looked up and squinted at him. “Well?” he demanded.

     “I’m fine, Daryl.” I told him, before I stripped off the powdered blue hoodie and threw it somewhere behind me, not really caring much for it. Daryl was right, I doubted Sophia was going to want a ‘oversized, worn, powdered blue hoodie’ which was now stained with blood and caked in mud.

     “SOPHIA?!” Daryl called out, but no response was given. Carefully, I picked up its hands and began to scan it with my eyes. “What are you looking for?” Daryl enquired once I was on to the walkers next hand. ‘No skin under the finger nails’ I noted mentally.

     “Skin under the fingernails.” I told Daryl as I placed the walkers hand back down. Sighing, I reached into the pocket of my trousers and retrieved a pair of gloves which I began to put on whilst Daryl crouched down beside me to get a better look. With his help, I turned the walker over so that it was now lying on its back.

     Dead yellow eyes appeared to look in my own and they belonged to the walker. Once a man, but had been reduced to just a possessed shell that roamed the earth only to eat and eat and eat. His skin was grey, flaky and falling apart, away from his muscles and bones. Cringing, I saw fresh blood that was been smeared around its face, focusing mainly around his mouth….certainly not his own….and hopefully not Sophia’s. 

     “It fed recently.” I told Daryl and Thea who had now kneeled down on the ground beside Daryl. Reluctantly, I pulled back its lips resulting in drool and spit littering my gloves. Scrunching up my face, I got closer to it, examining its rotten, crocked teeth.
   
     “Where do you even get these ideas?” Daryl asked, probably not wanting to get the answer. To me it was plain, we needed to be sure these walkers had been nowhere near Sophia.

     “Zoology….?” I said as an answer, not knowing if being a zoology helped me in situations like these or if it was just my twisted mind. “I’m sure as hell no dentist.” I denied as I pulled something out from between the walkers teeth. “There’s flesh caught in its teeth.” I informed them both, holding the flesh up for them to see before throwing it aside out of disgust. All I could do now is hope that it wasn’t Sophia’s.

     “Yeah,” Daryl nodded. “But……what kind of flesh?” Daryl enquires, putting emphasis on the ‘kind’. ‘Not Sophia’s.’ I hoped mentally.

     “Urm….” I hesitated, an idea bubbling in my mind. “Well…..” I trailed off, but I caught Daryl giving me a look to say ‘continue’. “There’s only one way to know for sure….” I bit my lip as I looked to Thea who had my hunting knife which I currently needed.

     Reluctant to give it to me, Thea didn’t move an inch. Exhaling, I decided to rip the walkers t-shirt open to reveal his bloated belly which was only more evidence that it had eaten recently. Without looking this time, I held out my hand expecting Thea to hand it to me but she still didn’t.

     “Here,” Daryl retrieved his own hunting knife from his holster causing me to raise an eyebrow at him. Daryl had never let anyone even touch his hunting knife, let alone allow anyone else to use it. “I’ll do it.” Daryl proposed, nudging me slightly to the side.   

     “You think I can’t?” 

     “Nope….How many kills you skin and gut in your life?”

     “Well-”

     “I’ve done more.” Daryl interrupted me before I could challenge him. “Anyway, Thea’s not giving you your knife and let’s face it,” he made a pause for breath. “Mine’s sharper.” Daryl gloated, lifting up the knife, preparing to stab the walker just above the stomach when Thea stopped him.

     “No, let me do it.”

     “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

     “Sure, you may have skin and gutted more kills then I have,” Thea agreed with Daryl. “But humans and animals are different things,” she told him before turning back to me. “Before I decided that I wanted to be a teacher, I attended medical school…I wanted to be a medical examiner back in those days,” she revealed.

     “Fine, go ahead.”

     Stabbing at the walker, Thea began to make an incision down it’s stomach causing me to shoot to my feet in horror. She was right: Humans and animals are different. I would have been more than happy to skin and gut the walker, but seeing Thea do it to it honestly had me wanting to hurl.

     “Okay, here comes the bad part.” Thea warned us, causing me to swallow nervously. As if that hadn’t been bad enough... Thea plunged her hand inside the walker and started rummaging about inside of it. I wanted to look away but I found that I physically was unable too. Desperately, I tried to keep what little food I had down. “Yeah, he had a big meal not long ago.”  Thea said, her hand still submerged into the dead walkers body. “I feel it in there.” She stated as she tore out the stomach causing me to turn away and gag.  

     “Mismatch,” Daryl addressed me. “Why don’t you turn around?” he obviously teased me causing me to flip him off with both hands, not turning around. “It’s just a wood chunk.” He assured me but I still didn’t turn around. “Oh, come on, woman. It seriously is just a wood chunk.” He reassured me to pivot back around with my arms crossed across my chest with an expression as to say ‘All that for nothing’. “At least we know.”

     “At least we know.”


►►►


     Silently, we headed towards the exit of the forest having agreed that it would be a bad idea to keep on going in the impending dark. Emerging from the forest resulted in everyone shooting up from their spot and heading towards us as we climbed up the steep land to re-join our group. 

     “Oh God.” Carol slapped a hand over her mouth, obviously beside herself. “You didn’t find her?” she questioned, tears prickling in her blue eyes. Childlike. The eyes that Sophia had inherited. The eyes which I could barely manage to bring myself to look into.

     “The trail went cold.” I explained to Carol whilst being hauled back up onto the highway again by Glenn. “I’m really sorry.” I frowned, as Stacie ran towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist. Glancing down, I patted her hair which had now appeared to have darkened to my hair colour.

     “We’ll pick it up again,” Daryl told her from beside me, causing me to realise that Stacie’s other arm was wrapped around Daryl too. “At first light.” He vowed, whilst carefully removing Stacie’s arm from around him. I also noted that she was wearing a pink hoodie which was just her size.   

     “We can’t leave my daughter out there on her own…..” Carol protested. “To spend the night alone in the middle of the woods!” she finished her tearful objection.

     “Out in the dark’s no good.” Daryl told her, stepping forwards. “We’d just be tripping over ourselves,” he said reasonably. “More people getting lost.”

     “But she’s twelve!” Carol pleaded. “She can’t be out there on her own!” she opposed frantically. “You didn’t find anything?!” she quizzed desperately.

     “I know this is hard,” Rick stepped in for Daryl, Thea and I both metaphorically and physically, now standing in front of Carol. “But I’m asking you not to panic-”

     “-we know she was out there-“

     “-and we tracked her for a while.”

     “We have to make this an organised effort.” Rick told us all with clear authority, trying to take control of the situation. “Daryl and Ellie know these woods better than anybody,” Rick stated before turning in mine and Daryl’s direction. “Would you over see this, please?” he questioned us.

     “Of course.” I nodded my head almost out of instinct, before sharing a look with Daryl causing him to nod along with me too. “We were going to propose it, anyways.” I explained causing Shane to look down, probably disagreeing with his baby sister being put in charge of anything remotely ‘dangerous’.

     “Is that-” Carol began causing me to whip my head in her direction, she was staring down at Daryl’s pants. Curiously, I glanced down at the trouser leg of his pants to see remains that she had obviously spotted. “Is that blood?” Carol questioned in a screech.    

     “We took down two walkers.”

     “Walkers?” she repeated loudly. “Oh, my God.” She breathed, leaning down against a red S.U.V, using it to support her weight.

     “Listen to me,” I commanded, closing in the space between Carol and I. “That walker….” I was directly in front of her now, and I grabbed her arm softly in a form of comfort and to get her to look up at me. “That walker was nowhere near Sophia.” I assured her.

     “But,” Stacie stepped into my vision once more, her eyes full of childish innocence. “How can you know that the walkers weren’t near Sophia?” Stacie enquired.

     “Believe me,” I turned my head ever so slightly to share a look with both Thea and Daryl before my eyes found Stacie’s. “You really  don’t want to kn-” I started before turning back to Carol.

     “Only one of them had flesh caught in its teeth.” Daryl cut me off. “Thea cut that son of a bitch open,” he explained causing a twister look to appear on Carol’s face, disgusted looks to appear on the women's faces and looks of shock to plaster onto the men's faces. “Made sure.” He finished off.

     “Oh God.” She exclaimed breathlessly before raising her head ever so slightly, her eyes flickering to behind me. “How could you just, just leave her out there to begin with?” she questioned, with a sob. Backing away ever so slightly, I saw that she was looking at Rick. “How could you just leave her?”

     “Those two walkers were on us.” Rick reminded her. “I-I had to draw them off,” he stumbled over his words, he was clearly startled at Carol’s accusation. “It was,” he started off once more, unsure. “It was her best chance.” Rick tried to explain himself.

     “Sounds like her didn’t have a choice, Carol.” Shane stood up for Rick, obviously seeing Rick’s struggle to explain, walking forwards so that he was standing behind him.

      “How was she supposed to find her way back on her own?!” Carol demanded aggressively, startling both Rick and myself. “She’s just a child.” She spat at him. “She’s just a child!” she yelled at him.


     “She’s just a child Anthony!”

     Auntie Cynthia and Uncle Nick had insisted that Shane, Dad and I stay over at their house whilst we were recovering for the accident and until everything was sorted. I didn’t understand what they meant by sorted, how could anything be sorted? Everything was wrong.

     I knew it wasn’t polite to go snooping around someone else’s house in the middle of the night but I couldn’t sleep. For one; Rick, Shane and I had been put to bed far too early. And secondly; I just couldn’t sleep. Everything was wrong. The mattress was too hard, the pillows were too flat, the duvet was itchy and the covers were smothering me. I just couldn’t stay put.         

     So I figured that Auntie Cynthia and Uncle Nick wouldn’t mind me roaming around at night, after all I had been to their house so many times handing around with Rick, it was practically my second home. So here I was, sat at the top of the wooden stairs with my feet dangling over the edge as I clung on to the banister. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but they started speaking and I just couldn’t help listening, Auntie Cynthia tended to project her voice a lot more than necessary at most times. So I couldn’t do anything but listen.

     “Come on, man!” That was Uncle Nick, his voice was a lot lower than Auntie Cynthia’s and held a guttural tone to it, he sounded a lot calmer than Auntie Cynthia had before. She had practically shrieked, disgusted by whatever my dad had said before that. “Tony, you can’t seriously blame Ellie for Claire’s death!”

     I froze.

     He…….

     He……he….

     He blamed me for my mom’s death?

     “It was an accident, Anthony.” Auntie Cynthia screeched at the top of her lungs. “Ellie had nothing to do with it!” she yelled at him. “She’s no more to blame than you or Shane.” Auntie Claire stated, her breathing hard. “The poor thing is blaming herself already, you can see it in her eyes. She’s not to blame for this, Anthony.” She reasoned with my dad, level headedly.   

     “It was just an accident, man.” Uncle Nick joined in with the reasoning. “Just a tragic accident, Tony.” He enforced his idea. “It couldn’t be helped, man.”

     ‘He’s just upset.’ I excused my dad mentally. The accident had only happened a few weeks ago but he had been ignoring me, being cold towards me. I was confused, but I didn’t ask, I hadn’t been speaking since mom died, I didn’t feel the need to.  ‘It’s nothing personal,’ Auntie Cynthia had said. “He’s just upset, dear.” She had assured me and I believed her….because that’s what everyone had been telling me.

     “It. Could. Be. Helped.” This was my dad now, I knew it because his voice was so much lower than Uncle Nick’s, but his voice sounded different to usual…..meaner…..nastier…..animalistic. “We were on the way home, but she made us turn back.” He spat at them, this didn’t sound like my dad at all.

     He’s just upset.

     “The little bitch kept on moaning because she left her damn sweatshirt at the hotel. We told her we could have bought her another one but she just kept on moaning and moaning and moaning.” He started off, his voice full of nastiness. “You know how stubborn Ellie is, she always gets her way.” He added, everyone had always teased me about being a stubborn princess but dad wasn’t teasing. “Claire lost her life because of a fucking sweatshirt.” He growled.

     He’s just upset.

     “Can you fucking believe that? Cynthia? Nick?” he barked at them both. “She died because of Ellie’s fucking sweatshirt! Electra was the one who had left it behind! Electra was the one who was moaning the whole way back! Electra was the one who made Claire turn around!”

     He’s just upset.

     “ELECTRA IS THE REASON CLAIRE IS DEAD!”

     I had tried so hard but the traitor tears ran in streams down my face as I shot up to my feet and crashed down into my bed. Face down, I began to cry into the mattress, muffling my sobs, being careful not to awaken Shane or Rick who were camped out on mattresses in the same room.

     I couldn’t breathe.

     Everything hurts.

     I couldn’t stop crying.

     Sniffing, I rolled onto my side and hugged my knees into my chest, gradually rocking myself forward and backward. Why couldn’t I stop crying? All I could hear was my dad’s harsh words swimming around my mind. I was to blame. I was the reason for moms death. I left the sweatshirt. I was nagging her to go back for it. I was the reason why she turned around. I was the reason why mom died.

     It. Was. All. My.Fault.

     Someone’s arms had wrapped around my torso, they had jumped up onto my bed and was holding me tightly to them. Stroking my hair, holding me close, comforting me.

     Shane.

     But not even he could comfort me, nothing could comfort me  from the truth.


    “It-it-it-” Rick’s struggle to form a sentence brought me back to my senses, back to reality. “It was my only option, Carol.” Rick claimed, making his case in front of the jury- the group and in front of the judge- Carol. “The only choice I could make.” Rick stated.

     “I’m sure nobody doubts that.” Shane assured Rick who was trying to connect with Carol’s eyes but Carol was unresponsive, refusing to even grant him a look. Without a word, Rick walked away from the group who remained in silence, and disappeared into the dark. I watched him intently. “Ellie?” Shane asked, I turned my head to see that everyone was beginning to hit the hay.

     “Give me a second.” I told him dismissively, before I headed in the direction Rick had headed in. “Rick?” I called, it was dark now and I couldn’t see a thing. “Rick!” I hissed….silence. “Rick, for God’s sake. It is freezing, it is dark and I can’t see a fucking thing.” I listed. “You turn around and you listen to what I got to say!” I hissed at the darkness, knowing that he was looming somewhere within it.

     “Yes, Ellie?” Rick breathed politely, before I saw movement in front of me which indicated that he had turned around to listen to me like I had ordered of him before he moved forwards so that I could see him in the dim light of the stars above us.

     “She doesn’t blame you for Sophia.” I told him causing him to narrow his eyes at me in confusion. I could tell from his facial expression he had expected me to yell at him rather than be calm. His eyes told all, they told me that he blamed himself deep down. “She’s just hurt.” I echoed the words his mother had said to me all those years ago, seeing as his mother wasn't around to tell him. “It wasn’t your fault, Rick.” I informed him with certainty.

     Silently, I wrapped my arms around him tightly knowing that that was what he really needed at this point.