Assault With a Deadly Weapon || N.H / 1D

44.

Song recommendation: Stubborn Love by The Lumineers
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I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know when I'd be back. All I knew was that I needed to get as far away from that goddamn house as I could.

I rushed down the stairs of the McBride Mansion with my single black duffel bag. I wasn't even sure which clothes I'd packed. I'd just thrown whatever I first grabbed into the bag. My fashion game wasn't really what I was worried about at that moment.

As I was about to leave I was stopped by a certain little blonde girl.

"Bella!" Brielle called me from the living room.
"Hi sweetie!" I put on my fake happy voice for her. I couldn't let her see me sad.
"Where are you going?" She asked, looking at the bag on my shoulder.
"I'm just taking a little vacation. I'll be back soon." I assured her, although I had no idea if that was true or not. I could be gone for weeks.

"What about Nate?" She wondered.

"He'll be here, don't worry." I gave a small smile.

"Why isn't he going with you?"

"He's got a lot of work to do back here." I lied to her. "Plus I knew you'd miss us too much if we were both gone."

"You're right." She nodded.

"I'll see you soon okay?"

"Okay." She ran up and hugged me. I was taken aback by her show of affection. She'd never hugged me before. In fact, no child has ever willingly run to me with open arms. I was never the type to have kids swarm around me. It was a new feeling as I felt her tiny little arms squeeze me. I patted her blonde curls affectionately. "I'll miss you a lot."

"I'll miss you too kiddo." I found myself feeling calmer than before. I had to come back now. I couldn't just leave Brielle. I knew Niall would take care of her if something went wrong, but now I felt like I needed to be there myself. Maybe this trip wouldn't be as long as I originally thought. "Okay ma bijou, I have to go now."

I called her my jewel. It was a cute pet name that my French teacher used to call us in high school. I'd always felt warm inside when she'd call us that. It made me feel special. I just wanted this little girl to feel important too. I hoped she never had to go through what I was feeling at that moment. I hope no man would dare to break her heart.

She waved goodbye to me as I walked out into the cool autumn air. Usually, the breath of air would've been refreshing and nice, but right then it felt cold and uninviting. I felt like curling up in my bed as I watched Niall watching the golf channel. His eyes were focused on the screen while my eyes studied him. He would mindlessly stroke my hair, or drag his fingertips across my skin. I didn't care about what was happening on the screen, I liked to notice every little detail about him. I never knew if he was aware of my constant admiration, I wondered if he knew how truly enamoured I was by his pure existence.  

Leaving was difficult. I wasn't really mad at Niall. I knew that something was wrong with him. He was hiding something from me and he wasn't going to tell me if I was standing right in front of him. It would be too much for him to handle. He was always so ready to confess his love, or tell me a detail he'd noticed, but he wasn't the type of person who could confess when they'd done something wrong. Something bad had happened to him and he was scared to tell me. I loved him, but I needed to leave him to make him realize what he was supposed to do. I had to show him what he'd lose if he didn't start acting right.

I know that it sounds harsh. It feels harsh too, but if I've learned anything from my twenty five years of miserable living, it's that sometimes you need to be harsh in order to appreciate the soft parts of life. I needed to separate the two of us so that he was given the time to remember what it was like to fall asleep next to me, or what it felt like when he hugged me after a long day of putting on a face. I needed him to snap back to reality, even if reality sucked sometimes.