When I Met You | OffNew

Chapter 31

New's POV

I look at the calendar, our wedding is on June 25.

I haven't seen Off since June 6, and today will be the sixth day.

My friends keep on telling me to break the news to Off, since he already knows.

But I'm waiting for him as well, why hasn't he said anything about it.

I look at the picture sent to me by P'Boy. He remembers Mild's favourite flower, tulips. It looks so pretty, my best friend would love it, I know.

When Off called me the following two day, I pretended that everything's fine.

Normal discussions, he asks how my day went and how is Non.

Usual questions asked... usual answers were given...

But the fact is that I'm waiting for him to tell me that he knows. He knows the secret... He knows that Nanon was his...

Like a ticking time bomb, I'm waiting for the news to explode. But unlike the bomb whose countdown is only a minute, I'm waiting for three days now.

And during these three days, I've been thinking about what will be my final decision.

A lot has been going on in my mind.

Fear...

Of being left alone again... the feeling of being rejected by the one you love.

Fear that they might take my only family, Non, away from me.

Fear of being not enough, that whatever I gave is not enough reason to make them stay.

Fear of being compared to my best friend. Of being a second choice because I'm the only available option. The last piece of cookie, inside the jar.

Guilt...

Guilty that because of my selfishness, it brought us here.

Guilty about being dishonest... that I hurt the ones I love.

Guilty about me being jealous of my best friend, that she had these wonderful boys. That whatever I do, I will only be a shadow behind her.

Saddness...

Sad that I feel like I'm waiting for alms, waiting for the love that is mine, and mine alone.

Sad that I'm not strong, courageous enough.

Sad at what I'm feeling that even my best friend, who was already 6 feet below, is being dragged in this, when I started this in the first place.

Sad or maybe disappointed that I think so less of myself...

Sad that I don't trust in what we have...

And sad that I met these wonderful people only to let them go.

I've been here before... and I know it will only be a matter of days that I will go through it, all over again.

But unlike last time, before he decides to leave me, I will be the one to do it. I don't think I can handle it if he breaks it to me.

Second relationship failed... again... I no longer trust myself in keeping a relationship.

Maybe I'm not meant to have a partner.

I called Mae the following day. Making sure that the guy I've been waiting and missing for six days is there.

"Is he busy?"

"Yes Sir New. He has scheduled meetings with the investors."

"Kahit 15 minutes lang (even for 15 minutes)."