Love Is Pain (HxH Au) (Killugon)

3

He was frozen for about 5 seconds. He didn't just say that.... He couldn't have. Right? There must be some mistake! He hugged Alluka a little tighter, "t-that was a joke right?" his father shook his head, "you can't" he felt tears sting his eyes. "why not!" everything he had been hoping for, just came crashing down in an instant. "I have four other children and a new wife, your mother chose one kid before she left, and that was you" he couldn't stop the tears that ran down his cheeks. "Y-you can't leave me with her!" he let go of Alluka and grabbed his father's arm tightly. "I'm sorry Killua, she's your legal guardian. If she wants to keep you I can't do anything about it" he felt his arms start to tremble. "NO!" he shouted. "shut up your causing a scene!" the woman snapped. He ignored her, shoving his face into his father's chest. "YOU DON'T GET TO LEAVE ME FOR TWO YEARS, SEE ME FOR AN HOUR AND THAN GO AWAY AGAIN!" Killua felt arms try to pry him off but he hung on tighter. "Killua I'm so-" he cut his father off. "then take me with you!"

He sighed heavily. "Killua please don't make me use force" w-why won't he just take me with him? I don't wanna go back and be hurt again. I thought I was free! "why don't you want to go back?" he clutched his father tighter, "s-she pulls my hair and yells at me for things I didn't even do. m-mother used to be so kind but s-she changed" he managed to choke that out through his tears. Killua felt a hand on his back, it was warm and comforting "I'm sure your overreacting honey" he couldn't believe his ears. Father thought he was lying, making it out to be bigger than what it actually was. But I'm not- "KILLUA ZOLDYCK" ice ran through his veins at that shout, he grabbed on tighter. "No, No, you can't go!" he said desperately, reaching out to the only thread of freedom he had left. And then he felt a familiar hand on his head and he let out a cry of pain as his mother's hand tried to pry him off by the hair. "THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE BRAT"

He was forced to let go and dragged a few meters away, reaching a hand out to his father. "NO!" Alluka watched with wide eyes, obviously confused as to what was happening. "Kikyo, let him go" father said. She scoffed, "he's my damn kid, I'll treat him how I like" he tried to pry her hands off his head but she held on tighter. "STOP! IT HURTS!" mother glared down at him and he froze, trembling. "listen here you little shit, your causing a scene. Your scaring your sister and making people think this is a kidnapping. Behave yourself" she hissed. Killua desperately wanted to yell and to fight, he wanted to get away. But if what father says is true... I don't get a choice. He tried his best to calm his breathing, mother's hand was still firmly planted in his hair in case he started screaming again. Even if I escape and somehow make it to father, he can't do anything. But... why? How does that even work? Does... does father not love me? He felt himself cracking, what little hope he had shattered into a million pieces right then and there.

"big brother?" his eyes drifted over to Alluka, her eyes were wide and she had tears rolling down her cheeks. Mother's right... he wiped his eyes. Killua had to be strong, if only for a moment. He smiled up at his mother, it was sure as hell fake but she also fake smiled back. "I have one request" mother's eyes narrowed slightly. "be quick about it" he had one shot to make this right, one chance to tell Alluka he was ok. His mother let go, he ignored the pain for a few moments as he collected himself and made it look like he was happy. He grabbed Killuna from his bag, dusting off a little bit of dirt that was on her fur. If I don't deserve happiness, then Alluka can get what little I have left. As he slowly made his way over to her he gently wiped her tears away. "is big brother ok?" he put on his best smile for her, "of course I am, here. I want you to have this" he placed Killuna in her arms and she frowned slightly. "but big brother says that's his only toy" he nodded, "it is, and I want you to have it"

Killua wanted to give Alluka something to remember him by, he wouldn't be seeing her again if mother got her way. She took Killuna from him with a small smile, then reached down and offered him her Luka. "big brother can have mine then, to say I love you" it took all his willpower not to cry in front of her, he gently took Alluka's stuffed puppy from her and patted her on the head. "I love you too Alluka" she beamed up at him, completely unaware of what was happening. Good, I don't want her to know. If she knew then she would cry, and she would hate father as well. I don't want her to grow up like I did, I want her to be happy. So he kept his bright smile on as long as he could for her. "Killua darling, isn't it about time we get going?" his mother said, a small hint of venom in her voice that was nearly undetectable. But I know it's there, I know she's furious with me. But what else could she possibly do to him? Not make dinner for him tonight or something? This was worth it. If he was going to be chained to her forever he needed this one last bit of time with his sister.

"coming in a moment mother" he said, then turned to his father. He looked kind of sad, also kind of mad as well. I need to say this too. He made sure to lower his voice so Alluka couldn't hear him, letting his tears fall again because she couldn't see them. "it's ok if you don't love me." his father's eyes widened slightly. "that's not-" he silenced him with a hand. "I'm not mad. I probably should be, but I'm not. " he gave him a smile as well. It wasn't a happy smile, but it was real. "everything you were going to give to me, let Alluka have it instead. She deserves to be happy. She can have everything that was in my room too, if you still have it" I want her to have what little I still have left. I know it isn't much but I want her to have it all. "and if by any chance you do still have a small bit of love left for me, I want you to give her that too" he didn't understand it before, but he did now. Love is pain. So with that he went over and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

"I'm ready to go now mother" he said, walking over and gently grabbing her hand. She smiled over at father and the other two girls, "sorry about his tantrum, he didn't tell me before he left home for some reason. I'll make sure to punish him for it later" he saw his father tense slightly, "don't be too hard on him Kikyo, I called him and told him to meet me here" is he... is he trying to protect me? But, he couldn't be. If he was trying to protect Killua, then he wouldn't let mother take him home. I've already given up on escaping whatever hell lies in wait for me, I just hope Alluka never finds out. Keep living your happy carefree life Alluka, you deserve it. And then he felt his mother's hand tugging him away. Killua complied, walking after her with a blank expression. He didn't even bother to wipe his tears, "hey kid" he glanced up to see the nice employee guy again, the one with the glasses. "what business do you have with my child?" mother asked in a dangerous tone. He put a hand on her shoulder, "Mother, please leave him alone"

Killua felt the sting of a hand on his cheek, and he put a hand to it for a few seconds. What did I do? He saw her shoot a glare at him, "don't talk back to your mother!" he removed his hand, ignoring the shocked expression on the guy's face. "I'm sorry mother, but please leave him alone. He's just doing his job" that was a lie, he worked at the store next door. Mother however, wouldn't know that. She grabbed his hair and he stood motionless, smiling up at her. "I just said-" he put a hand on her wrist. "your causing a scene mother. If you must be mad at me then please do so at home" he remembered needing to know how to use diplomatic speech for something, this moment just seemed like it was appropriate. I hope this guy doesn't get involved, for his own sake. She glared down at him for a moment before sighing and removing her hand. "I suppose you have a point" he saw the black haired employee try to protest and he quickly reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "it's not worth the trouble" he said, then turned and walked away.

He watched them leave without a word, and Killua was grateful for that. It's not worth the trouble. I'm not worth the trouble. He thought, Killua held his mother's hand in silence all the way back to their apartment. Should I brace myself or just let it happen? I think I should just let it happen. There's no point in fighting back, I let myself be led back into this cage. But he was happy with his decision. As long as Alluka is happy, I'm happy. That's all I could ask for. With that thought, they arrived. As soon as they passed the threshold mother slammed the door shut and yanked on his hair again. It hurt, but this was what he had wanted right? "YOU LITTLE BITCH!" his mother yelled, then slammed his face into the wall. He felt tears roll down his cheeks, mixing with something sticky. Killua put a hand to his face, when he pulled it away he saw blood on his fingers. Blood, oh joy.

As his mother slammed his face into the wall over and over again, he thought back to about thirty minutes earlier. 'I don't want to be hurt again' was what I said. And here I am, getting pounded into the wal- the pain abruptly stopped as mother let go of his head. Killua's entire face hurt, it felt sticky as well. "I remember you used to heal fast, you'd better or I'll make it worse next time" he nodded, then made his way up the stairs. Funny how I've never gotten so much as a cut for more than half of my life, in the last couple months I've gotten over a hundred. No doubt I'll be getting more. He arrived in his bathroom, staring at his fucked up face in the mirror. Mother always loved my smooth flawless complexion. He knew how to apply makeup though, so it shouldn't be a problem. All he needed was some thin skin tight bandages and some of that face goop stuff he saw on youtube, nobody would be able to tell. Let's get to work.

1961 words

To be continued...