Love Is Pain (HxH Au) (Killugon)

12

Gon clutched his phone in his hand, running down stairs. "Kurapika! Aunt Mito!" he shouted, making sure to save a copy of his recording. The moment Killua had asked why he deserved to be happy, he had slipped it out and started recording. It was just audio, but he was pretty sure Killua spoke for himself there. Aunt mito seemed to have been pacing back and forth, Kurapika was on the couch still though. "Gon?" he bounced to a stop in front of Kurapika, aunt mito came over to him as well. "did you find anything out?" he bit his lip. "um... well... I managed to get a recording of him talking about his home life ish?" Kurapika's eyes widened in shock. "he actually told you about it?" Gon shifted a little. "well... you see when he came out of the bathroom after fixing his makeup, I said he deserved to be happy and... he asked why" he saw Kurapika's hands shake a little. "why won't he tell me his last name? I could investigate this or something" he hissed.

Gon bit his lip again, glancing down at his phone. "I'm just gonna say, it's worse than we thought it was" Aunt mito sat down on the couch as well, and he set the phone down on the table. "I hope he gives some clues" Gon shook his head at Kurapika. "he says nothing about where he's from, or his parent's names." he was about to click play when he hesitated. I don't think I can listen to that again without crying. "I-I'm just gonna..." he set the phone down and took a step back, earning him a slightly alarmed look from Kurapika. "I'm sorry, I can't listen to that again." he admitted, "I cried a lot..." and then he left. But Gon couldn't help feeling lucky. Lucky that he stumbled upon a broken and crying Killua when he did. Because if he hadn't, who knows what would have happened? Gon then made his way back up the stairs, and then started running when he heard something alarming. Is that crying? He bolted up the stairs and quickly opened the door, but making sure not to slam it.

Killua was sobbing, and trembling like crazy. "Killua!" Killua didn't look up, it was almost as if he couldn't hear him. He can't feel trauma as Awai, but as Kitten he remembers everything. Talking about his life must have brought up bad memories- he dove onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Killua. He blushed a little, but Gon needed to. Suddenly Killua gasped, then turned to look him in the eye. h-his face, it looks like the time Luka got broken! "hey, shh. It's ok" he tried to soothe him, running his fingers though his fluffy white hair. Killua's breathing started to slow, although not very fast. I feel bad for asking him so many questio- suddenly Killua turned, shoving his head into his chest and clutching his back tightly. Gon found himself blushing pretty hard. I- damn it- Killua... he looked down at the pale white haired boy crying into his chest with a small smile. He's so sweet... and cute, and shy. Even with his wall up he's still adorable despite his blunt coldness

It was that moment that he had finally realized. I like him. But... he's a boy. I thought boys were supposed to like girls? He felt Killua relax a little, shifting a bit and snuggling closer. I don't care. Gon lay his head on the pillow, laying on his back. Killua's tears had stopped, but he didn't move. His hands were curled up near his head and resting on his chest, his legs curled on the bed beside him. I don't care what anyone says, I want him. I want to make him happy and give him love. That was another small issue. Killua doesn't really know what love is, and he can't pick up cues. He doesn't seem to be exposed to any sort of kindness very much. He placed a hand on Killua's back, his other reached up to run through his fluffy white locks again. "Nh" and something else he noticed, Killua almost never smiled. The few smile's he'd gotten were small and shy. Like he's forgotten how to.

He sighed, bringing Killua a little closer and realizing that he had fallen asleep. But it's so early. Perhaps it was like yesterday, when he got all tired out. His stamina is so low, it makes me worry. Maybe Gon could help him with that as well? They could go on walks every day. Tomorrow was when they would pick up Gon's new skateboard, perhaps they could do that for a few hours? That sounded like a good idea. Maybe go to a sweets shop after? He noticed how Killua practically inhaled those candy bars. And he was crying again. He tends to cry when he's happy, like he's not used to it... Gon felt his eyes start to droop. Maybe I'll introduce him to Leorio as well, to avoid another surprise meeting, should...maybe...tomorrow... his thoughts were broken off as he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

When Killua woke up, it was really warm. He blinked open his eyes, and realized that his wall was actually down. It usually builds itself up every morning. The next thing he noticed, was that he was laying on something very warm and squishy. He glanced downwards and his eyes went wide. Gon? Why isn't he in his own room? Gon was so strange, or maybe it was just him who didn't understand? Maybe it was because of my panic attack... he knew Gon didn't mean it, but when he asked all those questions he practically set off landmines in his brain. All of the horrible and painful memories surged through his mind at once, and it was too much for him to handle. So Killua slid out of bed, careful not to wake Gon. I need to get ready. So he grabbed a faded baby blue hoodie and some brown pants, then his phone. After he was done, he headed to the bathroom for a shower. He turned on his phone, and tapped something on his playlist. Music without his wall he found, was something that calmed him.

"Oh I'm going insane" the song started. Oh, this one. "chasing after you, please don't leave me" he started humming, this was actually one of the songs he liked very much. "I see your heart washing away, and, that's how you left me in the cold " this song was called Angels, he didn't really understand half the phrases he was hearing, but that didn't matter right? "it's pitiful, how you let me lose. Better run, better run" he stopped with the shampoo and was just humming now. "your time is up, nothing you can do. Better run, better run" and then he started singing, almost without conscious thought. "I can remember when you hurt me so bad, but now the table's turned, apocalypse is coming~ " his eyes closed, starting to enjoy this. "I can remember when you made me so sad, and in the end I learned it rained in hell and angels could be bad~" and then there was a bang, he jumped and lost his confidence as well as his balance.

Killua grabbed onto a bar that was on the side of the shower, grateful for whoever had installed it. What was the bang though? That made him nervous, so he turned off his music and huddled in the back of the shower. I mustn't take too long, but I'm scared. All he knew was that it was loud, water cascaded over his back still as he waited. The noise hadn't been terrifyingly close by, but it definitely came from maybe a few houses over. I don't know what to do- "Killua?" that was Gon's voice, and it was coming from the other side of the door. He got out of the shower, and walked a few steps closer. "w-what was that noise?" he asked nervously. Gon sighed, "oh good you're ok, I was worried you might have had another one of those panic attacks" he bit his lip. "b-but what was it?" Gon hummed for a moment, "their moving a few houses down, someone must have dropped something or a truck misjudged and hit something" that's nothing to be alarmed about, good.

He let out a breath, "Oh ok..." he had already finished in the shower, so he turned off the water and started to dry off. He got dressed as well, the hoodie was really comfortable. When he looked at his face in the mirror he bit his lip. Everybody wants to know about my scars, but I'm still scared. What if they think I'm ugly or something? What if they hate me? What if- he was broken out of his thoughts by a soft tapping on the door. Is that still Gon? Trying to tell me he never left? Killua got that warm feeling again, but Gon wasn't physically touching him this time. He's so nice... how is he so nice? Killua hadn't really met anyone with much kindness in them, but Gon was overflowing with it. He couldn't help smiling a little, and then he started to apply his concealer. He made sure to leave out one of his hands, Gon deserved something. And it's not my face. He's also already seen a bit right? There was about eight small scars and one big one on this hand, that wasn't too bad right? After that he applied makeup. Killua felt like doing a little bit of blush today, as well as some darkish eye shadow and eyeliner. Perfect.

He then packed his bag up except for a little bit of concealer, after he was done showing Gon he would cover it again. Gon was still the only one he really trusted fully, Kurapika was still scary and aunt mito still kind of made him nervous. He wanted to trust them, he really did. But he just couldn't, Gon was the only one that had proved himself. And he did it over and over again, by covering his ears, comforting him, telling the others to back off when they went too far. So he opened the door, and Gon was there. He gave Killua a smile, "doing alright in there?" he shifted a little, then turned his head away and held his hand out. "I feel like you should get something at least" he mumbled. He felt gentle fingers grab it, holding it up and examining it. "Woah..." he said softly. Killua still felt nervous about it, and then Gon started to trace a finger along the lines of his scars. He glanced over at him out of the corner of his eye. He doesn't look mad, or sad, or worried, he just looks fascinated. And then he looked up giving him another one of his kind smiles. "their beautiful, just like you"

1834 words

To be continued...