Love Is Pain (HxH Au) (Killugon)

Chapter 19

Killua finished applying his concealer and gave himself a onceover. Hmmm... He then grabbed some eyeliner and eyeshadow from the bag as well. Gon shifted a little, "really?" Killua started applying his eyeliner. "yes" he said simply. When he was done, he shifted a little and then paused as he felt kind of wobbly. My legs don't move the right way, but my face doesn't really hurt. His arms and legs however, were a different story. Killua didn't let the pain show though, he had gotten used to pretending like he was already healed. So he sighed, then pried Gon's hands off him. For some reason he got really touchy when he was upset. Although so did Killua when his wall was down, so he couldn't exactly blame him. "my legs are kind of weak" he muttered, and Gon winced slightly. "but it doesn't hurt?" he shrugged. "no" Killua lied. If I tell him how much it hurts, it'll make him sad. Gets on my fucking nerves- then Gon started to pack up his bag. He took a breath, then bit back pain as he put his hands behind his head. "meet you outside"

He strolled out of the bathroom and the guy who he assumed was a doctor gasped in astonishment. Naturally the other three were somewhat surprised that he recovered so fast, but they weren't downright speechless. "yo" then he frowned slightly. "by the way, where the hell am I?" Kurapika sighed. "the hospital" he blinked. "why?" Gon came out of the bathroom and slipped his bag over his shoulders. "I thought you said that you remembered-" he shook his head. "no I remember how I got beaten into the cement, but why am I at a hospital?" the doctor looked torn between confusion and shock still, and Gon huffed. "when people get injured, they usually go to the hospital. That's what their for" Killua blinked. "Oh." then the doctor spoke. "I-I don't understand, you should be barely able to walk" he rolled his eyes. "and I can't even tell your injured at all!" he sighed. "I've been doing this since I was twelve" then the doctor recovered from the shock and his eyes narrowed slightly. "I thought he 'didn't do well with strangers?' he looks completely fine to me" I'm tired of explaining the fucking wall to everybody I meet-

"It's a form of DID" Kurapika said. "the hell's that mean?" he asked. Kurapika sighed heavily. "Dissociative identity disorder, you have multiple personalities. Well, it's a bit more complicated in your case but that's the gist" he nodded. "ah" then he shifted slightly, trying to hide the gritting of his teeth against the pain. "so, what's strange is that I actually remember the entire encounter, usually I get bits and pieces or just none of it" aunt mito, Leorio, and Kurapika started muttering to each other. "all that aside, you should be barely able to walk in your condition. You say you can't really feel the pain?" he shrugged. "I mean I still feel pain, but it's not so bad that I can't go about normal everyday life" then he thought for a moment. My entire body hurts, I probably shouldn't just say that. "well, I probably can't run or go on my skateboard much, it's affecting my balance a little" Gon thought for a moment, then poked him sharply in the arm. Killua bit back a hiss of pain and shot him a glare. "what was that for?" Gon squinted a little. "I don't think I believe you"

He narrowed his eyes slightly, "and why not?" I don't want to be cooped up here, but if he figures it out on his own... "whenever I do something you don't understand, you just kind of look at me with a confused expression. This time you glared at me, that's not your normal reaction" how's he so damn perceptive? Killua sighed, "you poked me in a spot that got stomped by a fat bitch, of course it fucking hurt" Gon hummed for a moment, then grabbed his hand. Killua blinked in confusion, where were they going? "huh?" Gon pointed. "that. That right there is the normal reaction" he removed his hand from Gon's. "that was to prove a point? Why are we still here?" he started to walk towards the door but the doctor stopped him with an alarmed expression. "w-wait!" he blinked, then turned. "hm?" he looked him up and down nervously. "you're not clear to be discharged yet" the fuck does that mean? Killua turned to look at Gon "the fuck's that supposed to mean?" the doctor looked confused again, and Gon walked over and ruffled his hair. "that means you can't leave yet, sorry I forgot you've never been to a hospital before"

The doctor once again looked alarmed. "never? What about vaccines and shots!" what now? Killua rubbed the back of his head, trying to rack his brain. "with all due respect, I have no fucking clue what you're talking about" the doctor frowned. "I'm gonna need to speak with your parents-" Killua shot him an icy glare. "No" then he walked over to aunt mito, who was watching in silence. "I don't live with them anymore, nor will I give you a last name. now when will I get this discharge thing? This room is so fucking boring" aunt mito gave him a stern look. "what did I say about the swearing?" he rolled his eyes. "sorry, it just comes naturally" aunt mito had been trying to give him more 'clean speech' as she put it, but Killua didn't really think there was a point to it.

"Your discharge will be when we are completely sure your healed." The doctor said, Gon walked up to him and bit his lip for a moment. "Hm?" he turned, slightly irritated. The pain made him a bit irritable because it was annoying, he couldn't move his arms and legs without getting a bolt of pain. "I remember when they were attacking you, they hit you and cut your face. But you didn't scream. You didn't yell, make any noise" The others in the room were silent. Killua kept his face neutral. Shit, I think he's figured me out. He looked Killua in the eye with a serious expression. "When he asked you why you wouldn't express pain, you said it was a habit. How can we be sure you're not doing the same thing now?" There was a tense and slightly shocked silence.

Killua didn't speak for a few moments, then sighed. "You're not allowed to cry, it gets on my nerves. Which is exactly why I didn't tell you that I can barely fucking walk. Also I want to leave, this room is boring." Gon's eyes widened, realizing that his assumption was indeed correct. "H-How bad is it?" Killua shot him a glare. "I said don't cry" He snapped. It...hurts when you cry. Killua sat down on the bed, letting himself wince slightly. Gon sat down next to him, placing a reassuring hand on his. "How bad is it?" he repeated, this time softer. Killua thought about his choice of words. "It hurts to move, but I can do it. I wasn't lying when I said I could resume my normal life" Gon's hand gripped his a little harder. "You don't have to. You can heal until you get better, you have time." He turned to look Killua in the eye, Killua saw he was trying his best to hold back tears. There was silence from the adults, they just watched them talk.

"If you're hurting, let yourself heal. You don't have to push yourself, or fake it, or continue on with your life when you're in pain" I... "Take your time to get better, and hey" He said, smiling. That smile tugged at something in his brain, some sort of emotion he couldn't feel properly right now. "Once your all healed up, I got an idea for something we can do." Killua nodded. "Alright." Gon is usually right in most situations, I trust him. Killua thought, looking out the window. I just hope...that it fades soon.

1356 words

To be continued...