Broken Letters

chapter one

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or the characters.

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I suppose that the main thing I can say is that life officially sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I’ve ended up. I’m…okay with my job. I always thought that I’d end up guarding Lissa, that we’d be together forever, as corny as that sounds.

Life…Life always ends up different though. Life never works out the way that you want it to, and that’s just the way that it is.

I always thought that I knew what I wanted; to become the best guardian for Lissa. That didn’t exactly happen.

Half way through I thought that I could be with Dimitri, the one forbidden love I was willing to risk my dream for…that didn’t happen either. I suppose the only thing that did go according to plan was that I became the best guardian I could be. It was the only thing left that I had. I know that I had Lissa, and Christian and Eddie. I know I had people there but not the one that I really wanted.

Everything else felt like a chore, it felt mediocre after that.

I saved him. I saved his life. I almost ended mine. When I ran back into that cave after him I almost killed my mother who ran after me. It was that fucking blonde Strigoi. I know that I didn’t kill him, I only managed to plunge the stake into his neck, but it was enough to stun him, enough time to grab Dimitri and run. Enough time to hold that hope in my stomach and drag him back to the school.

People found out…rumours spread…Dimitri was fired as being my mentor. He told me he never wanted to be with me again. He avoided me like the damn plague, and if he wasn’t such a damn good guardian and with all the shit going on I’m sure he would’ve been fired as well.

I’m thankful he wasn’t, but it gave me time to myself. I was in pain, I was in serious pain. He was the first guy that I ever allowed myself to fall for, the first guy I ever truly took that risk with. He broke me, but it was my fault. I know that it was my fault. I’d fallen for the one guy that I shouldn’t have.

I followed everything he taught me though, and I incorporated every bit of pain and anger and resentment into my training. I kept up the training patterns and practically became a recluse. I studied my arse off, I trained almost every spare minute and it turned out to be for the best.

I don’t want to admit it but the truth is that it was all for him. If it hadn’t been for him then I wouldn’t have made it as far as I had. I wanted to make him proud, even if he didn’t want me anymore. I think that I did make him proud, or I hope I did. I came out with the best score that anyone had ever gotten at St Vladimir’s. I had even gotten a harder and more complicated course than the other students, you’d think it would make me fall behind but instead I came out the best.

My mother came, as did my father who I had met after the attack. He was the one that offered to get me the job at St Basils because I declined the offer to be Lissa’s guardian. She didn’t know until the unveiling of who we got as our guardians and Dimitri and Eddie’s name was called out, but mine was not. People gasped, they thought it was a mistake, but when Lissa looked back and found me and realised there was no shock on my face, she knew what I had done.

Afterwards, not only did she, Christian and Eddie corner me and demand to know what happened, so did Dimitri, and if that wasn’t crazy enough he seemed the most pissed off. I still remember Lissa’s distressed, betrayed face, Christian was simply pissed because I hurt Lissa and Eddie’s confused, trying to know what was going on. Mostly Dimitri’s though. I had never seen him as mad as I had then.