In Dreams We Drown

18- Practically Brothers

Beth

"How much shucking longer are you gonna take? We're gonna miss dinner!" I moaned at Minho. I was stood outside the Map Room because Minho had refused to let me in. I had tried asking him why he banned me now, when he'd let me in as a Greenie, but he hadn't replied.

"I'll be quicker without you whining!" Minho called to me. I rolled my eyes and sat down by the door, ignoring the slight rumble in my stomach. It felt ridiculous not to let me in, but it seemed the rules applied when they suited Minho.

"I'm bored. The least you can do is talk to me!"

"Here's an idea- why don't you talk at me, and I'll ignore everything you say because I have actual important things to think about." Minho replied.

Fine, if Minho was inviting me to vent, then that's what I'd do. I took a deep breath.

"Sometimes I wonder how closely the Creators watch us." I started, listening out for some sign that Minho was listening. I got no response. "I know they have the Beetle Blades, but they never... intervene, if that makes sense? And that got me thinking, about whether there might be a situation where they did intervene."

It was something I'd been mulling over for a while- the limits of our agency in the Glade. How much- or little- control we had. Whether the little control we felt we did have actually belonged to us.

"They took our memories, so we don't even have something to compare ourselves to... They could have rewritten our entire personalities for all we know..." I was so focused on organising my thoughts that I began to forget I was within earshot of another Glade. "Sometimes I think maybe they planned the Glade more than we ever thought possible. That maybe we were chosen for a reason and the Creators already knew who we'd... connect with... And that worries me, because if the Creators already knew who I'd grow close to, maybe that puts the people I care about in danger... It's stupid, it's just something I've been thinking about after what happened in the Track-Hoe-shed with Newt."

I'd spoken without thinking, forgetting that Minho was on the other side of the wall. Maybe he hadn't heard me... The crash from inside told me he had.

"What?!" Minho yelled and appeared from the Map Room. I jumped to my feet. How stupid was I? Why on Earth had I just told Minho about Newt?

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You just said after what happened in the Track-Hoe shed with Newt." He said.

"Did I?" My innocent act wasn't working.

"Don't shucking lie to me Beth! I heard what you said!" Minho yelled. "Tell me then! What happened with Newt?"

"Minho, I... It was a stupid- I didn't mean to- Nothing happened! I shouldn't have said anything, can we just forget about this-"

"Beth, tell me the truth." Minho muttered.

He sounded hurt, and I understood why. It was for the same reason that I felt guilty. Minho meant so much to me, and ignoring everything I felt about Newt, I knew that Minho was more than a friend to me. That our connection went deeper than that.

"Nothing happened, Minho." I whispered.

"I don't believe you." Minho spat. "Did you kiss?"

"Not... not quite..." I whispered, upset at how Minho's temper was escalating.

"Not quite? What the shuck does that mean? Do I even want to know?" He hissed.

"We nearly kissed!" I cried, just wanting everything out in the open now. "We nearly kissed, but then Gally interrupted us and... the next day, I told him it was a mistake! But Newt didn't touch me, he didn't break the rules!"