Distance (levi x oc)

Guilt

Edaline's POV

I toss and turn on the hard ground, trying to sleep with no success. This is a pointless effort, I think as I sit up and toss the small blanket off my legs.

I stand up fully and walk away from our small campsite with the burning embers slowly dying in the fire. I walk through the canopy of trees with no real destination in mind as I stare mindlessly at my surroundings.

Once I can only see the soft warm glow from the fire in the bleak distance do I sit down and lean my back against the large trunk of a tree.

I close my eyes and finally feel like I can relax. The campsite felt more stuffy than I could have ever imagined. I look up towards the top of the trees, hoping to see the stars but what I was met with was a cloudy night sky with not a star in sight.

Great. As I look at the sky I try to clear my mind, not think of anything, and the struggle I begin to have with myself becomes utterly useless.

I feel my chest cave and my throat tightens as their faces flash in my mind.

The crack of the branch echos through the forest and I look over to see what made the noise. My body is tense as I look past the trees and into the dark clearing.

A small form is walking towards me, and my heart thuds as it walks closer. The shadow trips at some point and then I know, it's not Levi. A giggle escapes me as I watch Eren struggle to stand up.

"You okay?" I ask him.

He huffs before he answers, "Yep. Never better." He keeps walking and sits down beside me against the trunk of the large tree. He doesn't speak for some time before he says, "Has he always been like this?"

I glance over at him but his eyes stay glued to the clouds. "I don't know. I didn't know him before I joined the survey corps, but we all have our own monsters. His are just probably older than ours." I close my eyes and picture his face in my mind.

"Is-is he alright?" I ask hesitating.

Eren opens his mouth but pauses, "I can't tell. One minute I think I've figured him out, and the next it's like he's a different person."

"That brings back memories." I say.

"What do you mean?" He asks finally looking over at me.

"When I first joined his...squad... he was an absolute asshole. I hated him, everything about him. But as I got to know him, I enjoyed his temper, I liked yelling at him and riling him up. It was probably the only time I had laughed in years. But, there were always times when I crossed a line, and it was like he'd shut down, cut me off completely. Like I was just a speck of dust to be blown away. And other times, he's treat me as though no one else could compare. Like I'd always be enough, and nothing else mattered..." I feel the tears slip down my cheeks before I could wipe them away.

I brush them off and look over at Eren, his wide eyes and open mouth. He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and passed it to me. I nodded at him as I took it.

"Why did you leave Captain?" He asks after a while.

"Please call me Edaline, I'm not that old."

"Okay, why'd you leave Edaline?" He asks.

My chest constricts, but to have trust with someone, you shared things no one else knows, "I realized something."

"What was it?" He pushed.

"I would really never be enough for him." I answer. I knew Eren wouldn't understand. He's young, never had feelings this strong before, but I told him anyways. I just hoped that he could keep this quiet. Even if he didn't understand.