The One Who Lived

Chapter Nine

I know that I promised Ander I wouldn't do it again. I know that I promised him I wouldn't do the thing that led to Anni's death because of what it does to him and how it only hurts me.

Yet, here I am...doing exactly that.

Old Ada would never be doing this.

Old Ada would have killed her friends or herself before doing what I am doing right now.

Old Ada would have never come to school drunk. 

I thought about old Ada this morning when I decided to do this, and then I remember that she doesn't exist anymore — old Ada is dead. She can't come back because she no longer has a sister, and she didn't even wonder what it is like to crave the need to be numb.

I know it sounds terrible, but I crave it. I crave the numbness that alcohol gives to my body and brain. I need to be numb today because Ander reminded me of the truth – the reality that it has been two entire months.

When he told me that it has been two months, I thought he was tripping or pranking me because there is just no way Anni has been dead for that long.

There is no way I have lived two months without her.

There is no way that it has been sixty-one days since I have seen her blonde hair and blue eyes.

There is no way that it has been sixty-one days since I have heard her tell me that she loves me, and me not saying it back because I am pissed and thought I would have a million more times to say it back.

There is no way that it has been sixty-one days since she had hugged me or yelled at me.

There is no way that it has been sixty-one days since Anni has flicked me behind my ear because she likes — liked — to annoy the hell out of me.

There is no way that it has been sixty-one days since I feel like I have been able to breathe.

There is just absolutely no way.

The embarrassing part is that I really thought I would be able to get away with it. Normally everyone is too scared to look at me because they are scared of how I might react, but today Camille is watching me. I know she is about to catch me.

It's kind of funny because Cami couldn't catch my sister drunk to save Anni's life, but she can somehow manage to catch me so I can't be drunk at school.

"Are you drunk?" Camille demands in a hushed tone.

I shrug, staring her dead in the eyes as I take a large drink of my water bottle. My water bottle filled with a mix of whatever alcohol I could find in my parent's cabinet. "Never," I hiccup. "Never ever." I slur making Cami look at me like I have grown two heads and they are sticking out.

"Adan Pearson, so help me God." Camille says snatching my water bottle and taking the lid off. "If I smell this, am I going to smell anything?" Cami says making me giggle.

When I don't respond, she smells it, and her eyes widen. Cami doesn't hesitate before snatching my arm and dragging me out of the classroom with no objection from our teacher.

I used to find it weird that no one stopped me from leaving places, and I thought it was because of who Hawkins and Ander are, but it is not always because of them.

No one stops me because I am the girl with the dead sister.

I stumble behind Cami as she drags me through the halls to the science pod and to Mr. Morgan's classroom. "Do not move, Adan." She scolds at me as she goes into the classroom.

I roll my eyes at her as I stumble down the hallway we just came from.

This is the hallway that I last saw Anni in. This is the hallway she was in with Cami when she was walking out of school at the end of the day.