Battle of Bones (Anomaly Saga #5)

5

"This is the place?" asked Joe, twirling his mustache.

"Should be!" Chaps exclaimed, reaching for the doorbell. "Unless I got his address confused with Jenna's. It's really 50/50. If we got it right, we'll be able to tell Chandler all about the plan. If we got it wrong, we might be chased away by a woman with a flamethrower. Depends on her mood." He rang the doorbell.

"Wow," said Joe. "You have interesting friends."

Chaps nodded. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Ten seconds later, the door swung open to reveal a man wearing a grey trench coat and a matching fedora. "Chaps," he said coolly. "I got your letter. Well, Joe's letter."

Chaps clapped his hands together. "Perfect! So you know the plan?"

"Somewhat. You're going to train me for a special mission?"

"Exactly. Are you ready for your first test?"

"Uh, I suppose. Are we doing it here? Alice is still asleep. We shouldn't be too loud."

"Let's step back, then," said Chaps, and he led the other two men away from the house and into a nearby parking lot. "Right. Are you ready now?"

Chandler nodded. "Always."

"Good!" Chaps exclaimed, taking out a gun.

Chandler threw his hands up instinctively. "Hey, what is this?!"

Chaps tilted his head. "Well, are you going to take the gun, or what?"

Faltering in hesitation, Chandler cautiously reached out for the firearm. "Uh, thanks."

Chaps snapped his fingers, and it made a rather uncomfortable scratching sound. "That was the first test! You failed!"

"Failed?" Chandler dropped his arms in exasperation.

Joe shook his head. "Ignore him. That was not a test. What we really need you to do is shoot this scarecrow."

"Where did that come from?"

"Chaps?" Joe nodded toward Chaps.

Chaps took his scarecrow, which apparently existed, and set it five feet in front of Chandler. "Okey doke, now, ready . . . aim . . . fire!"

"It's not that far away; the chances of my missing are-," Chandler began.

"I said fire!"

Hardly bothering to take aim, Chandler shot the gun and the bullet pierced the heart of the scarecrow - well, where the heart would be if the scarecrow had one.

Joe nodded, impressed, and jotted notes down in a pocket-sized pad. "Good. Next."

Chaps picked the scarecrow up and moved it back farther, by about fifty feet.

"This is ridiculous," Chandler scoffed. "How am I supposed to shoot something that far away? Why would I ever even need to?"

"You never know how far or near a threat might appear!" Chaps shouted from across the lot. "Now, ready . . . aim . . . fire!"

The shot rang out into the night, and Chandler jumped.

"Wow," said Joe. "Sorry, but it appears you missed."

Chandler looked back at him. "I never pulled the trigger."

Both men turned to face Chaps, who was reaching into his ribcage. The skeleton pulled out a bullet and laughed. "Well, give me abs and call me Skeletor!" he exclaimed. "I've been shot!"

"Hey!" shouted a female voice. Camellia emerged from the shadows, gun in hand. Preston followed her.

"Hello," said Chaps. "You're a rather good shot, you know. The bullet got stuck in my ribs!"

Camellia ignored him. She pushed her bright pink hair out of her face. "You're coming with us, Chaps."

"Really?" Chaps checked a nonexistent watch on his wrist. "Hmm. Sorry, that wasn't on my schedule. I am quite the busy man, you know."

"He's so quirky," said Preston, shaking his head.

Joe adjusted his mustache. "Now, look, you two. We're on a mission here. We have no time for whatever it is you're doing."

"We need the skeleton," said Camellia. "If he won't come with us, we're taking him by force."

Joe furrowed his brow. "You wouldn't be associated with a Russian scientist named Menshikov, would you?"

"What?!" Preston exclaimed. "No. What made you think we were Russian?"

"It doesn't matter."

Chandler stood there and said nothing. This was his strangest night in a while. It felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

Chaps gasped. "Hold on! I've thought up a brilliant compromise! Joe, you continue training Chandler. I will go on a little field trip with our not-Russian friends here."

Camellia lowered her gun. "You're just . . . coming with us? On purpose?"

"Oi! I may be clumsy, but I don't say whole paragraphs on accident. Let's go, friends!"

Camellia and Preston shared a confused glance. Preston shrugged. "Sounds good to me, man. The car's back here."

And so the three of them disappeared into the shadowy streets.

Joe scoffed. "Eh, Chaps will be fine! He's experienced worse. Now, Chandler, let's get back to shooting scarecrows!"

Chandler sighed and aimed the gun again.