Battle of Bones (Anomaly Saga #5)

32

"Oh, Chaps!" said Ghoulia, patting the skeleton on the shoulder. "You're such a wild card!"

Preston peered closer at the painting. "If you were in jail, who painted this, then?"

Chaps stuffed the painting back into his ribcage. "Oh! It was one of the guards. The prison I went to paints every prisoner and hangs up the finished product in the Hall of Shame. I simply slipped away and stole my painting on the way out. It was too beautiful to collect dust in an old intergalactic prison!"

Camellia crossed her arms. "Why am I not surprised? But I feel like we're a little distracted right now. I'm glad we found your friend, Chaps, and Alf-how did you get stuck here, anyway, Alf?"

Alf shrugged. "Dunno, really. I was out skiing and trying to catch one of those snow monster things that have been messing with timelines lately. Next thing I know, I'm stuck here."

"Okay." Camellia bit her lip and looked around the room. "There has to be some kind of exit here. Besides the way we came, I mean. Catricia knew River and E were here, so there has to be a way out."

Ghoulia pointed to a small opening in the wall. "Oh, you mean that little vent? I think that leads out. And you see this?" She gestured at the ground below her. "There's actually a trapdoor here. But it's locked from the other side."

The group walked forward and stared at the vent. "Well," said Chaps, "I could turn into a pile of bones and roll through there."

"And I could do this!" Catricia exclaimed, and she turned into her cat form.

"Okay," said Camellia. "Good plan. Chaps and Catricia go through the vent and unlock the trapdoor from underneath."

Preston snickered. "They go through the . . . vent?"

"Don't say it."

"Fine."

Chaps saluted the group. "See you in the future!" he said, and he dropped into a pile of bones.

Ghoulia kicked his bones through the vent. "Score!"

Catricia climbed in after him, her little pink cat body disappearing from view.

"I could've fit in there if it was 1987," said Joe mournfully.

Camellia looked at him. "What?"

"Please don't ask me about it. That was a painful time."

At that moment, the trapdoor flipped open, and Catricia's smiling face popped up. She was in human form again. "We did it!" she exclaimed.

Camellia peered over the edge and saw that Catricia was standing on Chaps' shoulders as he was balancing on a ridiculously tall unicycle. "Impressive," she said.

"Jump down!" Catricia beckoned everyone else forward. "Just don't break your legs!"

"Good thing my bones are fake," said Ghoulia, plummeting through the trapdoor.

"Yolo!" Preston exclaimed, and he leaped down, too, alongside Alf. "Ow!"

Joe tentatively let himself down until he was hanging onto the ledge with his hands. "I'm concerned about my bones," he said.

Catricia hopped off of Chaps' shoulders and the skeleton looked up. "It's okay, Joe! I can catch you!"

Joe fell down and Chaps unicycled over and caught him bridal style, then threw him on the ground.

"Ow," said Joe.

"Aha!" Chaps fist-bumped himself. "Chaps does it again!"

Camellia readied herself to jump.

Chaps unicycled back to the opening. "Would you like me to catch you, too?"

"No," said Camellia, and she jumped down. It hurt a little, but it was nothing compared to what she had experienced before.

She observed her surroundings. They were in a dark forest swamp of some sort, full of leafy trees and wet ground. "Well," she said, "I guess it's time we look around for River and E."

"On we go!" Chaps exclaimed. "Good thing this unicycle is a special off-road vehicle that my best flippin' fellow Festus the Jester made for me!"

Preston chuckled. "Did you pull that out of your ribcage, too?"

"No, in fact!" Chaps pulled a whistle out of his hat. "I summoned it with this whistle!"

At this point, Camellia felt that nothing would surprise her.

She was wrong.

All at once, a full blanket of cold liquid fell over the group. Camellia gasped, and her hands went straight to her eyes. After the initial shock had subsided and she pulled her hands away, she shuddered at the sight of the red that drenched the group. "Please don't tell me that's what I think it is."

"Well," Chaps said irritatedly, "there goes my good hat."

"Yeah, so, this is already terrible," Ghoulia said. "I'm out; see you guys." She dematerialized.

"Goodbye, Ghoulia!" Catricia said.

Joe's eyes had traced back to where the wave had come from. "You!" He pointed angrily into a tall redwood. "You did this! You ruined my suit!"

A hooting cackle came from the trees. The entity landed on the ground with a soft thud and revealed itself to its victims. "You shoulda seen your faces!" It was an old man with wild wisps for hair and one eye that almost seemed to be bulging out of its socket. "I love doin' that to newcomers! They never see it comin'. Always think it's blood, the knuckleheads."

"So it's not blood?" Alf asked, wringing it out of his shirt.

"Nah, just some water I dyed red," the old man said. "Where would I get all that blood from, anyway?" He held out a grimy hand for anyone to shake, but no one did. "The name's Gerald. It ain't often you see anybody stupid enough to wander in through that door. What's your excuse?"

"We're looking for somebody," Camellia said, stepping forward. "Two somebodies, actually. Young women by the names of River and E."

"River and E . . . Feel like I've heard of 'em," said Gerald. "I think I know where the latter has base. I could lead you to her, if you trust me enough."

Camellia looked back at her companions for opinions. Nobody seemed to have any objections. It wasn't like they knew where to start, anyway.

"Lead the way, Gerald!" Chaps said.

"Yehoo!" Gerald rubbed his hands together. "Off we go!"