Battle of Bones (Anomaly Saga #5)

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Chandler immediately drew his gun. "Really, LaVarre? Really?"

LaVarre tilted his head. "Yes? It's not too off-brand for me, you know. I have tried to do that before."

"I'm honestly a little hurt," said Alice with a frown. "I thought we were friends. We defeated the Host together."

"I'm just as confused as you are," said Casey.

LaVarre sighed. "Yeah, whatever. Friends are cool, but soap is better. And that purple skeleton is paying me a lot of soap to kill you. So . . ."

Chandler pinched the bridge of his nose. "Let's get this over with," he said.

LaVarre lunged.

He attached himself to Chandler, knocking his hat off and pulling at his hair. Chandler stumbled backward, groaning in pain and exasperation. "LaVarre!" He tried prying LaVarre's hands off him, but it only made the pull worse. "Can't you have any dignity?"

"Do it for the soap!" LaVarre bashed his gas-masked forehead into Chandler's.

"Oh, LaVarre!" Alice reached out to the scuffling pair, but was unsure what she could do to help.

LaVarre's hands moved to Chandler's throat, wrapping it in a tight grip. Chandler choked out a few words that sounded something like "Get off me!"

Casey sighed and picked the heavy lamp off of his desk. He bonked it on LaVarre's head, and LaVarre lost his grip on Chandler and dropped to the floor. Chandler rubbed his throat, and Alice touched it gently, examining it for herself.

LaVarre dizzily began sitting himself up, and Casey raised the lamp once more. "Don't make me hit you again," he said.

LaVarre crossed his arms and spoke poutily. "I have to kill you guys. I can't do that if you don't let me."

"That's . . . kind of the point," Alice said, tilting her head.

"Okay, LaVarre, how does this sound?" Chandler said, resituating his hat on his head. "Instead of killing us, you join us in the fight against Chaos."

LaVarre thought about this for a moment. "But then I wouldn't get my soap payment."

"You know, he probably isn't even offering you all the soap he really owns," Alice said. "But, once we take him down, you can raid his entire supply."

LaVarre stroked the valve of his mask, then stood. "Counterproposal: you guys fight without me while I pretend to still be on Chaos' side."

"Like a double agent," said Casey, who would know a thing or two about the subject.

"Yeah, except I don't do work for either side and just get the soap reward when it's all over," LaVarre said. "Cool? Cool."

"Wait," Chandler said. "You're working with Chaos. Do you know who else is?"

LaVarre hummed for an uncomfortably long time. "I've met a dude called Vincent. He's kind of annoying, but Chaos seems to like him a lot. A couple people who kept talking in a language I didn't understand. It was, like, Russian or Polish or something. I don't know. Some scarecrows who also are very annoying. And also another kid whose name I don't know but is just as annoying."

"Seems Chaos has a type," Casey muttered under his breath.

"That's all I know," LaVarre continued. "Can I go now?"

Chandler sighed. "Fine."

"Cool." LaVarre waved to the trio, turned back to the vent, jumped up to grab onto it, and, with a great deal of grunting, pulled himself up and disappeared into it.

Chandler rubbed his hands together. "Well. Now that that's over-"

Then, LaVarre fell back into the room. "Hold on." He entered the bathroom and emerged only a moment later. "Citrus - nice choice, Casey. All right, see ya!" And he repeated the process before fully disappearing into the vent this time.

"Never a dull moment," Alice said.

"Yes, well, we have a good idea who Chaos is working with now," Chandler said. "It's evident those scarecrows in the pictures - the ones that invaded Chaps' HQ - are part of it. The guy in the space suit could be Vincent or that other kid LaVarre mentioned."

"Or one of the Russians or Poles or other," Alice said.

Chandler nodded slowly. "Back when I first trained with Chaps and, um . . . Preston and Camellia, I think, came to kidnap them, Joe accused them of being Russian. Maybe that has something to do with this."

"Hold on," said Casey. "There are two talking skeletons?"

"Apparently," Chandler said. "There's Chaps and then evil Chaps. I guess."

"Fascinating . . ."

"Casey, what do you have for information on space suit guy?" Alice asked.

"Well . . ." Casey grabbed a folder and opened it up to assorted newspaper clippings and photographs. "Let's see, shall we?"