Ataraxia

This is Me

Being a teen, I dreamt of sceneries unseen
Living a good life, surrounded by positive vibe
Always I wondered and followed and ordered
Thinking i was the only one who suffered in the long run
Never did i care what others thought about me
Thinking that one day I'd end up as the queen bee
Always I competed to win and debated
Forever trying to change what was fated
Other's perspective never mattered to me
I treated everyone else like an alive but still tree
They gave me life and helped me out
But never could I let go of my ego and my doubt
I kept myself in a darkness and in delusion
Thinking high of myself in all the confusion
I wanted to come back to reality and see the truth
But i liked my world of illusion and my ruth
I was talented but the voices got into my head
And then i found myself egoistic and my modesty dead
I missed my days of innocence I wanted to return back
But i had got the hang of negativity and the black
I knew i was wrong in every step i took
Yet i had started caring more of my status and my look
I wanted to tell everyone that i cared about them
But every time i lost courage to take the blame
Though i was still kind at heart and down to knees
All i could do is lie to myself and put myself at ease
I hated myself more than i hated anyone else
Because i lied even in front of the church bells
I had got friends and family, siblings and crushes
But i broke all their trusts and laid them in ashes
For i competed to my own brother
Always misunderstanding my own mother
Never did i see what they did for me
All i cared was what i did for them
And that they never thanked me
In the end all i cared about was still my ego
I could hear still hear the voices and their echo
I found i was so full of my greatness
But then i was antisocial and painless