Voices

A forced attempt

I was in my room later the same day. All 8 ghosts were surrounding me trying to convince me.

"IF YOU CARE SO FUCKING MUCH WHY DONT YOU TRY?!" I finally snapped. Apollo grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. I struggled against the man before giving up.

"Baby. You don't think we already tried? We can't. But you can. Please one more try," he whispered in my ear. I shook my head.

"I can't. What if I somehow make it worse?" I asked softly. He rubbed my back and tilted my head up.

"Please baby," he whispered. I shook my head quickly.

"No. I don't wanna hurt anyone else," I whispered softly. Koji touched my back, his eyes held a broken look. He needed Ellum didn't he?

"Steve. Please. Try one more time," he begged me. I could hear his voice crack and saw a look I had never seen on the European.

He did his best to mask it but it didn't work. The broken look in his eyes, the given up facial expression. I had to do it. Didn't I?

"You're scared, aren't you?" DK asked. I glared at him.

"Am not!" I snapped back. A playful smile came across his face and he tilted his head

"Steve. I've never seen you refuse to do something," Hafu said softly. I looked down in silence. She wasn't right. She couldn't be.

"Come on Steve. Please," Smajor said. I shook my head again. I hated to think of what happened to Ellum.

"Stop making me. Please," I whispered. Janet rubbed my back gently and I leaned into it gently.

"Steve, we need Ellum. You get that right?" 5up asked me gently. It was being to much. They were making me shake.

"I know. I'm not ready though," I said and tried to walk away. Apollo grabbed my waist gently. I wanted to scream and cry. I wanted to throw a hissy fit.

"Steve. We need you to bring him back," Kimi said and I glared at her. I broke down a little and collapsed to my knees.

"I can't. Ellum is gone," I finally whispered. I concentrated and blocked them out. No more voices please.

I felt myself start to cry. I wanted nothing more than to fix what I had done. To bring Ellum back.

But I also knew I would mess it up somehow. I would break something else. I missed Ellum. I really did but if I did bring him back, what would the side effects be?

What if he ended up with no memories? What if he changed in any way? What if he wasn't Ellum anymore?

I guess I was scared. Maybe they were right. But what if I messed up? I don't know how I could make it worse, but I bet I would.

I was sobbing by now and couldn't handle it. I got up and stumbled through my room. I started to open drawers. I knew what I was looking for.

And I found it. I grabbed the razor and placed it to my arm. Tears fell from my eyes and I let down my wall. I dropped my concentration. I was going to join my friends.

I dragged it up my arm, or tried to. A hand ripped it from me and I looked back. Arms dragged me to the floor.

"Steve, what are you doing?" A calm voice said. I knew it was David and I knew I was crying. I buried my face into his neck.

"How did you know what I was doing?" I asked softly. The dogs were jumping on me in worry, my own yipping.

"The ghosts. Hafu found me. She told me what you found. And I know you were already suicidal," he said. He had me in his lap and the razor laid a few feet away from us.

"Why didn't you let me? I fucked up," I whispered and he rubbed my back. He smiled. I met his eyes.

"Steve-" he started to say. I shook my head and whimpered a little. He didn't know. He didn't know that Ellum was gone.

"No. You don't understand. It went all wrong. You were right about the book," I finally said and he sighed.

"I know. Ellum is gone. But if you try again, you can probably bring him back," I looked at him and he brushed a few tears away.

"But if I mess up again-" I started to say. He laughed softly and Hafu appeared. She knelt down.

I looked at the leader of the Skeld. My mind wondered how she thought about the position I was in with her husband.

The only thing I could see in her eyes was trust. She trusted me after I messed up. She trusted me to bring Ellum back.

"Nothing will go wrong. Just please try again. I beg of you," Hafu said. I stared at her and slowly nodded. I could do this. I could do this. I had to.

"Ok. I'll try again," I finally said. I stood up and moved away from both of them. David stood up and I took a breath. He placed a hand on my shoulder as I was shaking slightly.

"You can do this," he whispered to me and Hafu nodded. I felt like I couldn't breath for a second.

"Thank you," Hafu said and vanished. David sat down on the bed and watched me. I could tell he wasn't super happy about this but he had to let me.

"By earth and air. By fire and water. So shall you hear my call. Powers of birth and rebirth. Powers of silence and peace. Bring Ellum back to life," I said. Nothing happened and I got a nod from David to keep chanting.

I did so. I kept chanting until I could feel the magic. Feel the power. A very light red aura, barely visible, shone around the room.

A blast wave knocked me backwards off my feet.