I Couldn't Give Him That

I'm afraid

"You can get off me now."

"What, why?"

"Lindsey, get off!" She pushed at his shoulders, sitting up, leaving him confused. 

"Stevie, what is..." He didn't get to finish his sentence as she hurried to the bathroom and locked herself in there.

Her heart was beating fast as she ran a hand through her hair, looking at herself in the mirror. She wasn't about to cry, more than anything she was terrified of looking Lindsey in the eyes. He said those words with such love and adoration, asking for something they both wanted, but she wasn't sure she could give any longer. 

Lindsey knocked on the door a few minutes later, asking for her. "I'll be out in a second." He backed off and sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting. That second turned into at least ten minutes, before Stevie emerged from the bathroom and took a seat next to him.

"Would you like to explain to me what that was?"

"You shouldn't be dropping something like that on me."

"Dropping it on you? We were about to make love, how was that not the right moment to ask you?"

"Okay, I might have had a feeling this was coming."

"How?"

"The way you looked at those kids at the park? How you talk about how great it would be for Aaron to have a sibling? How you're the most amazing father?"

"What's wrong then? You don't want more children?"

"Of course I do, Linds..." She took his hand, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Then what?"

"I'm afraid I might be too old."

"Please, not this again."

"But it's how I feel, Lindsey. I'm not getting any younger and as you may know, a woman's body is fucked up, because when you reach that certain age, it decides that no more babies for you!"

"I remember you saying this already."

"I know I have said this already, but please understand me. Linds, I can see it in your eyes how much you want another child and the responsibility falls on my shoulders of giving you what you desire."

"I'm not expecting it to just happen."

"Do you remember how badly it hurt us every time, when I took a test and it would be negative? When we thought it finally happened and it turned out to be our wishful thinking? It was really hard and I know that it wasn't hard only for me. I wasn't blind, I saw you hurting too. I'm not sure I could go through that again."

"And when you found out you were carrying our son? Weren't you happy? Wasn't it worth all the pain?"

"But I wasn't expecting it! Of course I was excited, because it already happened, it was already a fact."

"What if we agree not to get our hopes up?"

"Is it really possible?"

"It sure ain't going to be easy. All I'm asking you is to just try. At least that part is going to be fun."

"I see, you're simply coming up with ways to get laid."

"Well, I have nothing against it! But in all seriousness, Stevie, I don't want you to feel pressured. I get everything you're saying, I do. And we don't have to keep repeating it to ourselves that we're trying. Just that we shouldn't be using anything and we should have sex more often, that's all I'm saying."