Theirs ☾mates☽

Chapter 8: panic

My heart pounded as the guards came closer.

They were going to take me! It was going to be worse than last time, I was older now, they could do more for me.

My memories chased from the depths of my mind and to the surface. My eyes fogged as I sank to the ground, my mate's hands clenched tightly in my own as the memories consumed me.

I laid down on the cold ground. I was tied by metal ropes that stung my skin. People stood over me, it was the council, they had declared my fate and left me to the mercy of rouges for a month for the punishment of killing my parents. The rogues took small things like me gladly, I had been here a while, and the whole time they have had me, I don't think I have stopped screaming once. Even in my sleep, I awake with a throat that was rawer than when I had fallen asleep.

They could torment me, even in my sleep.

They hurt me in ways I have never been hurt before.

They forced silver shots into my body, they came at me with razor-sharp blades and sometimes whips and other vicious tools, they even used their own hands and feet.

I didn't know how much longer I could last.

I watched as the men above me kicked their booted feet into my small body. I heard the loud crunch and knew that I wouldn't heal fast because of my wolf, she was gone because of the silver shots.

"Please stop, please! IT HURTS!" I cry.

A rouge got right in my face, his features twisted with malice as he grabbed my chin and forced me to stare into his pale red eyes, "Is that what your Mommy and Daddy screamed when their child murdered them?" He sneered. I flinched back and cried louder, my whole body trembled as he grabbed my throat and tore off my restraints, "Throw her in the pits!"

I came back to myself being rocked back and forth on the ground. I was sitting in Ryder's lap, he rocked me back and forth on the cold ground. He muttered soft words of calming as I blindly grabbed onto his shirt, gripping it in fists, my eyes blinded with panic and memories of the rogues. I fisted my hands in Ryder's shirt and allowed myself to do something I haven't done in years, I allowed myself to be weak in front of my mate. I cried into his shirt. I cried because of the pain of the memories, they were too much, too vivid, they hurt me like they were still happening.

"Shhhh, little mate, it's okay, it's okay, I am here," Ryder muttered into my hair, his hand was buried in my disheveled brown locks and rubbed my scalp to calm me.

After a few minutes of crying I lifted my head to stare into his beautiful blue eyes, I leaned my forehead against his, needing the contact now more than ever before. He sighed against my forehead and pressed a kiss to my nose, "What did they do to you?" He asked quietly.

I pulled back slightly, my eyes wide and I'm sure puffy with my tears. "What?" I mumbled quietly.

His face turned stern, "You just had a panic attack sweetheart, something that alpha said triggered your fear, you dropped to the ground and I grabbed you before you fell. Carson is in there right now, defending you, if he can't then we are leaving." he explained while pressing another kiss to my nose and rocking me slightly so I was closer to his chest.

I felt numb, "Were leaving?" I asked, he rubbed a hand up my bare leg as if he wanted to warm me. Should I tell him what a waste it would be for him to do that? Should I tell him I watched as the life drained out of my own parents' eyes, their death because of the power I failed to control. Should I tell him that I hated my existence for what I stood for, because I lived and they didn't. Should I tell him that I long to be loved but refuse to be cared for in such a way because I know that if I ever slip up again I would not be able to handle it?

My thoughts flashed to the dead man in the woods.

I scuttled out of Ryder's lap.

He scowled.

"It's not safe, it's better if you just forget about me." I shake my head. Ryder is now standing, his face a mask of calm but I knew his wolf was fighting him for control. They wanted me to stop denying them, they wanted to mark me and declare me theirs, they wanted my love...I didn't know what love was. I didn't know how it felt. I couldn't care about it.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

A voice whispered in my mind.

"Aspen, please, let us help you. You are our mate, we want to care for you, we want to give you all the attention and love you deserve, don't you feel the bond?" He asked.

I frown at him, "Of course I do." I mutter quietly, my face still puffy from crying.

He took a step forward and I took one back, "Then why do you keep fighting it?" He grits out.

I felt tears well up in my eyes once again, my body trembled, "Because," I whispered, "Everything I ever cared for is gone, anything I love turns to ice, and anytime I try to help I only make it worse..." I can't see his eyes that I feel staring into me, "I'm trying to stop myself before it's too late." I shake my head in despair.

"Too late for what?" Ryder asks. He sounds closer than he was before.

My eyes snapped up to his, he was almost two feet away from me, I opened my mouth and shut it a few times before looking deeply into his ocean eyes, "Before it's too late for you to save yourself." I whisper then take off with all the speed and strength I could muster after being shot in the stomach, I took off into the forest.