make it easy | young royals ✓

twenty four

Simon

My heart races, and I push his hand away with an abrupt urgency as if we're about to be caught at any given moment. Wilhelm appears to be abashed and ambivalent at my gesture. He sucks in a shaky breath to compose himself before I can speak.

"You don't understand, I'll lose everything," I say obdurately despite the intimation of us going behind his mother's back. It's the risk that excites me. To connive and outsmart a woman who thinks she's omniscient? It's surprisingly sweet and intoxicating.

Like Wilhelm. How my life changed irrevocably when he first kissed me. His lips, so capable of soothing any morose or melancholy. I find myself willing to forgive him just to bathe in the high, and reluctant to let go of his comfort and familiarity.

"She doesn't have to know." His eyes are steel, and full of determination. "Simon, listen to me. If we're careful, and we will be so careful, we can still be together. Just not in public or with anyone knowing, but-"

"What if I don't want this?" I point out. "I told you I'm tired of hiding, and right now you're telling me to risk everything and still be a secret in whatever this is."

"Simon-"

"Did you ever ask what I want? It's all you! It's always all about you."

The air is heavy, and I shut my mouth promptly in time to realise the harshness of my words. It's the result of the built-up pent of fury that's been brewing in my chest for the past weeks. It's the unfairness of the world, of the difficult choices I have to make that triggered my outburst.

Wilhelm takes a step back. "Okay."

"No, wait." I hurry to say before the damage becomes permanent, "I'm sorry, that's really not what I meant. I'm just completely overwhelmed by everything, I don't-"

"No, it's fine." His voice is surprisingly calm. "Thank you for telling me how you feel."

"Wait! That's not how I feel? I swear. Just listen to me, will you-?"

He starts walking up the flight of stairs, and I follow, making a grab for his arm.

Wilhelm turns and stares at me. "What?"

"Can you just listen?"

I can see the conflict raging war in his head, and I can tell he wants to remain angry with me. For a second I think he's going to pull his arm out of my grasp and storm off, but as I anticipated, he gives in.

"Okay."

Biting the inside of my cheeks, I turn over the options in my head. As much as it's horrendously unfair of his mom, Sara and my tuition and board are being paid for. The lift of financial burden and uncertainty off my family's shoulder is prominent, and when the queen's efforts were expressed as an 'academic grant' last week, I seldom ever seen my mother so breathlessly joyful and happy. I still remember the crinkle of happiness and disbelief in her eyes as she hugged me, too overwhelmed and grateful for the news.

"Okay," I echo.

"Okay?" He asks.

"I'm saying okay to this."

Wilhelm tilts his head at me, and lifts a questioning eyebrow "To what?"

"You really want me to say it out loud, don't you?" As much as I want to frustratingly punch him in the face, I also want to feel his warm embrace. "Okay, fine, loser. Here it goes: I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you."

He appears to not register my words for a few long seconds because his face is still wearing that look of passive indifference and hurt. Almost like a slow-motion scene in a movie, his face twists into a disbelieving grin, and his arms are at an instant around me.