make it easy | young royals ✓

one

August

I let the freezing water run down my chest, my eyes closed, hands balling into fists. The cold is an assuring stream against my body, and I wait for a moment before turning it off, grabbing a towel from the side and stepping out of the shower. The mirror is clear from the absence of steam, and I reach for another towel to ruffle through my hair.

The school uniform is draped over the chair's back, and I step into my single room to start dressing. Thursday mornings consist of a five-mile run for warmup and rowing for an hour, and as the captain of the rowing team, I get up extra early to knock on the team's doors individually. After training, I typically stand in the icy drizzle from the half-broken showerhead to wake myself up, and wash off the weariness that's bottled up. Sometimes it works, most often it doesn't.

I pop two pills into my hand, swallow it dry, and put the container back into the drawers.

My leather shoes are polished to a shine, and my hair is slicked back smartly to resemble a put-together appearance. I paste on the well-curated smile as I walk down the stairs of the main entrance, and stand in place to wait by the principal.

"August, good morning." The edges of her lips lift to resemble a diplomatic smile, but her eyes are nervous. "Prince Wilhelm will be here shortly, I hope."

"I'm getting deja vu, I greeted him and Erik almost a year ago in the same spot."

"It's a shame about Erik."

"It is."

I inspect her tight bun at the back of her head, and the expensive blazer she's wearing, eager to please the monarchy. Yet turning my head, I don't catch glances of photographers or bodyguards. It's a positive sign, but my spirits are low. I know how Wilhelm will react when he sees me standing stoically at the steps.

You ruined his life, I think as the towering gates open in the distance. You ruined everything.

The tie around my neck is suffocating, and I bite down a cry of panic. Posture straight, shoulders back, head high, this is how I should behave. The smile is back on my face as the car draws nearer between the trees and hedges, and I almost convince myself that I'm going to be okay. Almost.

As the car pulls into the open space in front of the school, I start walking down to open the doors, but a man beats me to it, stepping out of the passenger seat. I regard his colossal presence, and take a step back to give him space.

The prince steps out of the car, his light brunette hair freshly groomed, longer than the last time I've seen him at the yearly Christmas dinner. His intense eyes are alert, and flicks to me before looking away. My hand is extended in the air, but he doesn't take it.

"Wilhelm, it's nice to have you back."

In my peripheral vision, a man and a woman begin to unload the trunk of the car containing his belongings. It's still early in the morning, barely seven-ish, and no one is awake to see his return apart from the selected group the principal has chosen. When he still doesn't reply, I look to the headmistress for support.

She hurries down the steps. "Would you like to start classes today?"

"No."

"That's fine, we'll let you adjust and unpack. You can look forward to classes tomorrow."

He's not acknowledging me, and I exchange a desperate glance with her. Her returning gaze read: I'm sorry, I don't know how to make this better.

"Well, August is going to take over now. He'll show you to your new room."

I start walking, and I'm almost sure he's not going to follow. I'm halfway up the ivory stairs when I hear his feet shuffling behind me. My heart slows for a moment, and the panic subsides just a little. I allow him to fall in step with me as I minimise my stride, and take in his diffident demeanour.

As we pass the grand hall, I swallow with unease. "Can we just - start over?"

"Yes, we can pretend you didn't ruin my life, my dear cousin." His words shouldn't hurt, but they do. He has no idea about the suffocating regret haunting my actions, the flames of guilt setting my heart alight. The fear of everyone knowing what I did in the back of my mind, a constant reminder of my misstep. Yet sometimes, I hesitate to admit my guilt, the sweet satisfaction at the downfall of the prince overwhelming me.

"No matter what I say or how many times I apologise, I can't take back what I did." Frustration tickles my chest, and we take another turn in the hallways. "The only thing I can do now is make it up to you, and seek your forgiveness if you would let me."

Wilhelm pushes a strand of hair out of his eyes, and exhales. "I just don't understand why you would do that. After everything, I thought I trusted you."

It was a silly grudge, a careless mistake on my behalf! I want to scream at him, shake his shoulders until he's the one apologising. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I didn't anticipate the impact of what I did. You had everything, Wilhelm; the girl I liked, the crown, the money, the influence. I had nothing, and everything I do gets no recognition compared to you. My own mom couldn't pay for my own school fees, and I was on the edge of getting kicked out before graduating.

Instead, I stop in front of him, forcing him to stop and finally look at me. "I promise you, all the things I've felt in the past year have amounted to something. I'm different now, you can't let one mistake determine who I am, Wilhelm."

I watch him falter slightly, but his lips are pressed tightly together. He steps clear around me, and I jog to catch up to him. "Please?"

"Why should I?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Because I know you're a good person, Wille."

A pause, and I hold my breath.

"Just to make it clear, we're not friends, August."

I exhale. "Right."

"I'm willing to give you another chance, but don't expect me to run into your arms like a little brother and feed you with my secrets."

"Got it. No hugs, no secrets." My tone is hopeful now. "So, rowing practice next Monday?"

Wilhelm's mouth breaks into a smile, but he quickly composes himself, returning to the neutral expression he arrived with. "Can I skip the run?"

"I'll cut you some leniency this time."

We fall into silence after some small talk, and I'm still not loosening up from the tension on my chest. He forgave me too fast, too willingly, nothing like how he spat in my face about how I'm no longer part of his family. We pass no one in the hallways as we make it to his new room, and before we enter, I stop him.

"We're uh, hosting a welcome back party for you tomorrow." My nerves are returning, and I bite the inside of my cheek. "Do you-"

He scoffs, cutting me off. "I might not like you, cousin, but like, you know I'm not going to say no to a party."

Things are on the upturn, and I feel we're almost not at each other's throats, regardless if it's pretence. My steps are lighter on the wooden floors, and I don't wonder if it's the pills kicking into effect. Before I leave, I lean my hand against the door to stop it from closing. He's sitting on the bed, glancing around the room as if in memory, and once again, I can't suppress the guilt rising in my throat.

"Wille."

Wilhelm answers a moment later, his voice laced with fatigue and wariness. "Yeah?"

"Simon will be there."

I close the door behind me with a gentle thud.