Joker x Reader Oneshots

Just Picture Them with Their Heads Blown Off! (Jerome x Reader)

This story got deleted from Ao3 and as I was reuploading everything, I decided to make x Reader versions of the commissions I got so far! I hope you enjoy!

   How were so many people able to do this? It was such a simple task, but it was still so difficult.

   You closed your eyes and tried to take a steady breath, but it came out uneven. Your hands were still shaking--you could still feel their eyes. Who knows what they were thinking or why it felt like they were staring for far too long; they probably weren’t even looking at you at all but it just felt like they were. If you could do everything you needed without ever leaving your home, you would.

   You barely got through the front door before you slid down to the floor with your back against it, your body still shaking. Why did it feel like you couldn’t breathe? You had to breathe.

   “--______. Earth to ______!”

   Your eyes snapped open to see Jerome kneeling in front of you.

   “When--When did you--”

   “Focus on trying to catch your breath before asking questions, doll.” The ginger sat Indian style on the floor, “what happened?”

   “I was…” you took a deep breath, “I was going to get some snacks and--it just felt like everyone was staring at me.” It made your skin crawl. “It’s stupid…”

   “Ah don’t say that, toots. Everyone gets nervous from time to time--or all the time. Can’t be helped. But, I can give you some advice!”

   “Advice?”

   Jerome moved so that he was sitting next to you. He put an arm around you to pull you close, “just picture everyone in their underwear! That usually does the trick.”

   You cracked a small smile.

   “Oh, I know! Go in with a blindfold! Then ya won’t see anyone staring!”

   “Jerome, I won’t see anything at all--”

   “Exactly!”

   “Any other ideas?” Listening to Jerome come up with a bunch of silly ideas seemed to help you relax more.

   “Maybe next time I can go with you and put on the craziest outfit ever. They’ll be too busy staring at perfection to look your way~”

   You scoffed, “they’d pay attention to you because you’re a criminal--”

   “A gorgeous criminal! You think my hair just does this on its own?!”

   You laughed as Jerome pulled you closer.

   “Rob the store. It’ll be empty then.”

   “Bad idea.”

   “If they look at you, pull out a gun--”

   “Another bad idea.”

   “I don’t see you contributing, doll.” Jerome grinned.

   “I’ll go later when I’m calm again. I’ll be fine.”

   “I can just go for you.” The ginger shrugged.

   You looked at him, “you don’t have to.”

   “Oh but I insist!” Jerome wasted no time picking you up and placing you on your couch, despite the protests you gave. After being covered with two cozy blankets and being rewarded with a very amusing mini fashion show for Jerome’s disguise made up of your jacket, a few of your scarves, and one of your hats, he left for the store.

   When he got back, your mood was much better and you were a lot calmer. The sight of the bags filled with junk food in the ginger’s arms only boosted your mood more.

   “Thank you, Jerome.” You hugged him close once he sat down, taking off the hat on his head, then the scarves.

   “Anything for you~” he cooed, “when in doubt and you’re feeling eyes on you, just picture them with their heads blown off! That really does the trick!”

   You laughed, placing a kiss on his cheek. Then you realized something, “Hey, I didn’t give you any money. How did you…”

   The smile growing on Jerome’s face along with the look in his eye said it all.

   “Jerome!”

   “Come on, doll! Live a little!” Jerome grabbed your face as he laughed, “Besides, now you have way more snacks than you were probably gonna get thanks to your favorite ginger.” He pecked your lips and grinned once you blushed. “I say that’s deserving of a reward, don’t you think?”

   You smiled and pulled him closer, “get over here, ginger, and get your reward.”

   Jerome quickly pounced, making you laugh again as he pulled the blankets over them.

   “I’ll be running errands for you more often then~”