Joker x Reader Oneshots

Deep Breaths (Arthur Fleck x Reader)

This is for a writing challenge on Tumblr! My dialogue prompt was:

"I won't let you."

Now this was originally going to be smut but ya girl has been very depressy so take this angst and fluff instead

This became a bit self-indulgent but to understand a bit better, I have ADHD and because of this I have a lot of RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) moments and the shit IS NOT FUN. So this is basically the reader going through a breakdown and Arthur helps them through it

Warnings: Mentions of suicide

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Each day seemed to be getting worse than the last and you couldn't control it. It was always a bit difficult to go on about your day but recently it's gotten much harder. Gotham was never a bright and sunny city and it certainly didn't help your mood. Luckily with a break in college, you didn't have to worry about going to classes every day; though sitting in your room and letting your feelings consume you didn't help you feel any better. It was easy to dodge most of your friends but Arthur was a different story. He only lived a few doors down from you so you had a much higher chance of seeing him if you left your apartment, so you chose not to. Eventually, you did run out of the little food you had so you had no choice but to leave and get more.

Everything seemed grey as you forced yourself to throw on some clothes and leave your apartment, making sure you had the money you needed. After a quick glance and seeing that the hall was empty, you made your way to the lift. Usually, you would never take the death trap due to how often it would breakdown or shake violently, but if it were to fall today with you inside, you wouldn't mind at all. Once that became an open possibility, your brain took it upon itself to replay the scenario in your head. You tried not to focus on it, but it was hard not to. By the time the lift got to the first floor, you were zoned out. Your eyes were glued to the ground as you walked but you stopped and blinked seeing feet directly in your path. You looked up and paused.

"Oh...hey, Arthur." You gave the best smile you could. You were more than positive that you looked like shit at the moment.

"______. Are you okay?"

You could tell how concerned he was just from his tone. You gave a quick nod and rubbed your arm, "I'm fine. Nothing to worry about."

You've been doing this for years now. It was better to act like everything was okay than to try to explain yourself. It was stupid, especially compared to Arthur's situation. You didn't want to complain. You gave one last smile and moved to walk by him.

"You haven't left your apartment in three days."

You stopped walking. He was keeping track?

"And...you usually stop by to say hi to my mother. We're both worried about you, and you're my friend. You can tell me if something's wrong." You heard him walk closer to you and your heart began to feel heavy. You refused to cry in front of him right now. You turned to look up at him again.

"Artie, I'm alright, really. It's just that I'm on break from school so I don't need to leave out that much." You could tell that he wasn't buying it.

"Are you sure?"

"I--" your voice cracked and you quickly stopped talking, looking down. The pain in your chest; it was getting worse, "--it's dumb! It's not a big deal--"

"Well, if it's made you this upset it must be a big deal. Did I do something?"

"Oh no. No, you didn't do anything, it's me. I'm so--so oversensitive!" You snapped.

Arthur didn't respond, and you didn't give him much time to either.

"I always get so upset over things that are so small! And I overreact and get angry and do something stupid every single time! You'd think an adult would know how to control their emotions, but no! I get interrupted in a conversation and my brain just wipes out everything I planned on saying and I got so frustrated with my friend because I hate when they do that! If what I'm talking about is that boring then I'm sorry I'm a piece of shit who has nothing else better to do besides sit in their room and write stupid stories! And now it's been three days since I've spoken to either of them and that was probably the deal-breaker for them. They never want to see me again because I threw a bitch fit over a conversation that I don't even remember! So now I've just been sad and I have this pain in my chest that won't go away because no matter how hard I try, nothing I do will ever be right and it just makes me want to--" you realized you had hardly taken a breath and that you were yelling. Tears ran down your face as you stopped to catch your breath and it only made you more frustrated.

"...It makes me want to die. I'm so over them. I'm so over myself--I hate myself. I'm sorry, Arthur." You were very embarrassed now. He hasn't said anything the entire time. Food could wait. You tried to quickly make your way back upstairs but Arthur grabbed your hand.

"No."

"Arthur--"

"______, please." He pulled you close and hugged you tightly. You buried your face into his chest and let out a sob.

This was Arthur's first time seeing you like this and he didn't like it.

"Every day no matter how I feel or where I look, I can see myself dying in the worst way possible. Is it bad that I want it to happen? Is it bad that I want to just end it?" You whimpered, holding him tightly.

Arthur tried to respond, but a stifled laugh came out instead. You sniffed and didn't let him go as he began to laugh. You closed your eyes and rubbed his back as he buried his face into your neck.

"I'm--I'm sorry--" he wheezed.

"It's alright." You muttered, "deep breaths."

You both received weird glances from the few people who came and went, but neither of you moved. Once Arthur's laughter died down, he let out a cough to clear his throat and lifted his head up a bit.

"I know exactly how you feel, ______. I feel like that every day and--and seeing you makes those thoughts go away even if it's only for a little while. You can't leave me after giving me this happiness. I won't let you."

You started to cry again, even though you didn't really want to. Arthur just held you close and closed his eyes.

"Deep breaths."

You let out a small chuckle hearing him say that back to you. "Thank you, Arthur."

"You're welcome."

You finally pulled away and you missed his warmth almost immediately. You wiped your eyes and took a breath before looking up at him. "I owe you and your mother some ______ time, don't I?" You already felt so much better. The emotional weight that was pushing your heart down was gone and you felt like you could finally relax.

"You don't have to."

"Well, I want to. So how about you and I go to the store and get some snacks so the three of us and watch reruns of Murray?" You offered.

Arthur smiled, "that sounds perfect."