Evil Twin (Eren X Fem Black Reader)

Hurt people, Hurt people

You were so stressed and tired. You woke back up at 10. When you realized that you had brewed coffee you went downstairs to get some. Eren was there, eyes puffy and hair messily hung over his face. A completely different Eren from when he came to your room all cheery earlier. Your stomach churned. You couldn't look at him. Probably never again.

You decided you couldn't do it and went back to the room.

Eren POV:

I don't know who left this coffee here and I don't care, I'm drinking it. I grabbed a mug and started pouring. I got some creamer and milk and stirred it in there. And grabbed the mug and headed back to my room. I'm not going back to Mikasa's like I promised.

I got to the room, locked the door, sat on the bed, and stared into the corner. Another tear came out of my eye. "Fuck." I whispered. I wiped my eyes again. Why couldn't I ever just apologize?

I said ALL that shit because I was because I was being stubborn and didn't want to admit I was in the wrong. And at the time where it really mattered, when she was seemingly begging for me to sit back and take a look at myself and see the pain I cause, I choose my pride over her.

Do I love her? Yes.

But love is more than a feeling. It's an action. A commitment.

So do I love her? Not nearly enough.

But I want to. I really, really want to.

But I guess I blew the chance to do that too.

I lay on the bed. I get a text from Historia.

Historia:
Where are you? I just came from the kitchen and you weren't there.

Eren🥰:
I'm in the room about to take a shower.

Historia:
Ok I want to talk to you.
It's a serious talk.
About us.

I groaned. Im tired of serious talks. But this was the first step. I'm gonna end it with Historia. She's been a good woman to me... I think. But Y/N made me realize I never felt love for her. That wasn't love. It doesn't feel the same way as I feel for her. I just felt bad.

Eren🥰:
Yeah... I need to say something too.

         I got into the shower and passed soon as I turn on the water, my door unlocks and Historia walks in. I thought she was gonna at least let me get out of the shower first. She sits on the toilet seat. The shower curtain was closed. I guess it's best if she doesn't look at me anyway.

"Hey baby... about last night, I'm sorry-"

"Historia, I don't care about last night..." I said cutting her off. I'm tired of apologies. I'm tired of getting apologies from her knowing that I don't deserve them. "Do you know the real reason I got with you in the first place?" I said. I can hide from her, but I'm tired of lying to her. She cleared her throat. "Yeah... it's because you felt bad. I know." She said.

        I took a step back and stayed silent. "But I love you Eren. No amount of pain you give to me will ever erase that fact. I'll stick by you, just like you stuck by me in some of my darkest hours." She said quietly. I tried to speak but my voice got caught. "And I need you again." She said, her voice cracking. "I can't do this alone."

       "Historia..." I whispered. I don't want to. I really don't want to. "Eren, do you know how much shit you've caused ?! FUCK Y/N! She's new! WE'RE THE ONES HERE FOR YOU! We know how it is. At least I do. So I'll stand by you." She said.

Now I feel guilty. She's right, everybody was waiting on me. Everybody has roughed it out with me. I owe to at least her. To try.

And now that I know that, Y/N also deserves better. I'm absolutely sure of that now. And I can't give her better. I can't give her honesty or a reason to trust me. Because the way she loves is honest. She won't twist, bend, or break some part of me. She won't use me. She would never try to hurt me. And she won't try to manipulate me, like Historia.

It is pure and it is so beautiful. I've been a shitty person. There is no hope in trying to be better. The love she had for me is a warmth that I never should've gotten the chance to touch. I can't even swallow my pride to tell her I apologize.

There are things in life that we will never reach. There are things in life that are too good for us to touch. And that's ok. So I'll be with Historia. She deserves a shitty person like me. "I want you to be happy, N/N. I don't want you to look for your happiness in me." I thought to myself.

"Historia. I feel bad for you. It's pathetic how you can say that so easily and not know all I have done."

Narrator POV:

     You went to Connie's room. You weren't gonna bother him with anything about Eren, you didn't want to rely on him too much. You know first hand how annoying that could be. But you wanted to know how Ymir knew. I mean it wasn't a secret that you and Eren HAD, past tense, something going on but how did Ymir know about the car ride. You knock on Connie's door. You opened it and he was on FaceTime with his bae.

      It was the first time you actually saw her. She was darkskinned with jet black hair. She looked like a nerd but we all love the nerds right? (Right?🤨)

     "OH. My bad I'll come back later." You said, turning around. "Naw, Naw, come. Sit down." Connie said beckoning you over. "I'm good Connie. I don't want to intrude on y'alls alone time." You said, shaking your head.

Connie blinked. "Is it cus of Eren or Ymir?" He asked. "How the fuck did he do that?" You thought to yourself. "Check your messages, N/N." He said. You nodded and left the room. You got to your room and reached for your phone that was on charger. As you unlocked, you saw hundreds of messages from different people. You opened your groupchat with Eren and Connie.

At first they thought you were still awake but slowly realized you weren't. Connie personally texted you and filled you in on what was going on. Apparently Eren and Historia did end up sleeping together, and Ymir was out of it. When Eren came out, he went to the kitchen but didn't come back while everyone was out in the living room talking. He said he knew Mikasa was in the kitchen as well. When everybody went to their rooms, Connie was on the couch and saw Mikasa and Eren making out, on the way to the room. When he went back upstairs to text you he said he saw Ymir go into Historia's room. That's all he knew.

"So Ymir did the first move?" You said. That's all you wanted to know. You didn't care enough to know the details, it was obvious that whatever Ymir said to Historia was relationship defining.

And Eren was probably in a good mood to approach you at a time like that. You stopped to look at your wrists. "What am I doing?" You murmured . You thought you were stronger than this. You prayed you were stronger than this.

The last time. You promised yourself that those moments in your life you felt this way would die. This anger and heartbreak and sadness. That has repeatedly driven you into a corner all alone.

     "But I'm tired of crying..." You whispered as your eyes welled up with tears. You closed your eyes. Sometimes crying about it is the best option but if you let yourself cry some more it would absolutely break you.

      You cleared your throat and wiped your eyes. The answers you were looking for, you had already found them in yourself. Whether they were answers that you liked or didn't, you knew them and you could work on them.

       You looked in the bathroom mirror for bandages. You've always wrapped your own wounds and that's ok. The comfort you hoped to see in others isn't there for you so you had to find it in yourself. And that is ok.

     You found bandages and wrapped them around your wrists. You wrapped your knuckles too. "I think I hit him too hard." You said. You look back and realize he had a slight black eye. It kinda reminds you of the first time you guys met.

      You chuckled a bit. A reminiscent giggle. But it stays in the past. "Nobody needs me huh?" You whispered to yourself. You nodded. "I know." A bitter feeling crawled into your chest.

     Authors Note: I love when y'all leave comments 💀.