Fire Meet Gasoline

Chapter Twenty

There was only a small part of my life where I wasn't constantly reminded of Kelly and his new wife.

And that was in Jay's apartment. I was leaning against counters, staring out the windows. There was something therapeutic about watching the traffic moving by in the distance.

"Len, you can't just avoid them. You've got to face them." Jay says in a matter of fact way. "You're depriving yourself of a social life now, and that's unhealthy."

Jay was right, he knew exactly what I was doing.

"I don't want to face them, it's a reminder that I wasn't good enough. I don't want to be seen with my face like this anyway." I reply, shrugging slightly.

"You work with half of them, and the other half are police officers of whom you've seen since the accident or they're the doctors and nurses who treated you, so I'm not really sure of your logic."

"I can't compete Jay. It's better if I don't see them at all. Nothing to get insecure about."

"You know, I'll give it a miss tonight, but I promise I'll come tomorrow? I've got something I need to do." I tell him.

"Does it require you leaving the house? Because I'd prefer if you weren't out there alone with Morgan on the loose." Jay says and I shake my head.

"No, it's fine, I can take care of it from here. Go. Have fun. I'll see you later." I tell him and push him to the door.

"Call me if you need anything or anything happens, okay?"

I promise Jay that I'll call him if anything arises, before I head to the bathroom, and decided to shower and wash my hair.

Afterwards, I glance in the mirror at myself. The thing that stood out the most was my long, dark locks that passed my shoulder. I ran my hands through it, and it finished at my ribs.

I parted my hair into two sections and tied it neatly with a bobble each side. Without another thought, I picked up the pair of scissors and cut through my hair, just beneath the bobble, each side.

I glanced down at the long pieces of hair in my hand and then smiled at myself.

My hair was now resting just beneath my chin. I grabbed my hair dryer and decided to dry it, brushing through it, to see how it sits.

I turned the hair dryer off and my smile grew even more.

I looked like a completely different person, I looked... good.

I should have gone shorter years ago.

Satisfied with my new hair, I decided to go back to the living room and turn on the tv and watch a show before Jay got home.

I was four episodes in to a new series when he arrived back.

"How was your night?" I call out to him.

He drops his keys on the side, and shrugs off his jacket before he looks at me and pauses.

"Damn Len, your hair." He says and I smile.

"It looks good, doesn't it?" I say with a big smile.

"Yeah, it really suits you. I like it."

"Thanks Jay. I feel very liberated. There's something very powerful about cutting your hair off in times of crisis." I tell him and laugh a little.

"It's a drastic change, and I think that's what I need." I tell him before wishing him a good night and heading to bed.

"Do you know how nervous I am? I mean, I literally only cut my hair, and I'm nervous to show it off." I say to Jay as we sit in his truck outside the firehouse.