The Things We Cannot Say

.18.

It doesn't take long for me to find out that people in the village were starting to treat Jimin differently. It is the little things that build up. Quick glances, voices that whisper when he is near and become louder when he is away. That is what I notice first, the loudness of the voices. After a while, I secretly overhear conversations to find out what was actually going on. What is steal was never enough though, the picture is never complete. 

The facts that Jimin is shameless, a psycho, a person of loose morals. 

"I know," Dahyun says, " He has a lover."

" From this village!"

"I heard it was Yoongi hyung."

"No he is closer with Hoseok."

"It can't be. A male can't love a male. That's weird."

"I think its Yoongi's sister."

"Makes sense, have you seen her? She looks like she gained some weight. Or is it something else?"

"Oh my god... That's disgusting."

"She was probably forced. I pity her."

"SHHH!! He's coming!" Heesung whispers loudly.

We quickly pretend we were playing hopscotch, throwing the stone into the drawn boxes and hopping to go get them.

Jimin soon walks past us. He just walks, walking where? No one knows. We stop playing and stare at his back, a solitary figure on an endless road, flanked by expansive fields. He has the silkiest, blackest, shiniest hair I have ever seen. How soft it looks- I've never noticed it before.

"Somebody doesn't want his face!" someone says, and a pebble flies after Jimin. I screech, scared that the pebble would hit Jimin. No matter what he might have done, he is still human, isn't he? It would hurt. 

I turn around trying to leave the place. The children stand up and make faces, calling him names.  

"Disgusting! Shameless! Faceless! Loser!"

Stones start flying at him.  I get screamed at for not throwing the stone. I feel it in my hand, smooth and cold. I didn't want to throw it at him, I couldn't. All the facts have abandoned me. I remember the tilt of his head, the raising of his eyebrows and the offering of the sugarcane.

So I did the 'best' I could and threw the stone away from Jimin, weakly, so that it wouldn't be near him at all. 

Jimin never turns around.

No one notices; or I thought no one did.

T - T

" You didn't even throw the stone properly." Yoongi hyung pulls me aside. "Why?"

"I don't even know what happened. I can't just blame him for something without knowing what to blame him for."

Yoongi hyung sighs and looks away. Just then Hoseok hyung comes to the scene. 

"What do we do hyung?"

I felt oddly familiar but unfamiliar with the older guys. It wasn't that we talked everyday, so it was kind of awkward, but something about them made me feel safe.

"Whose this kid?" Hobi hyung turns to look at me. They both stare at me for a bit and bite their lip.

" I'll tell you later Seok.Talk to you soon kiddo." Yoongi hyung pulls Hobi away from me, as if preventing him from analyzing me further.

I just stand in the alleyway, confused on this sudden chain of events. All I could do after some time was brush it off and pretend it never happened.

T - T

I've seen Jimin eat outside by the doorstep or the cowshed sometimes, a bowl in his hands, his feet apart, his knees touching. Nobody talks to him or even greets him. And he doesn't talk to anyone either. When he walks down the road, people walk on the other side, avoiding him but he walks like an emperor; like he owned the streets.

When he works in the fields, everyone works at least a row away. Sometimes I forget and end up in the same row as him. Mother will then call me to switch up with her, never giving a reason. I am embarrassed, because she makes it so obvious. 

He never shows his face anymore, no matter how much people tried to see his reactions. Its been so long that even I don't remember much about his face anymore.

At least once a week, there is yelling and screaming coming from the Park's house. After some time, I hear his younger sister scream as well. I look at my family members' facial reactions but it seems like I am the only one hearing it. After some time, both Jimin and his sister, Jiyoung slept in the cowshed. I know this because I see them every morning when I bring Dolsae out to pasture.

After some time, more rumors spread. And it was even worse than the previous ones. 

" Jiyoung too?"

"Apparently, that's what I heard."

"I think so too. They both were sleeping outside in the cowshed last night, didn't you see?"

"Something is definitely going on."

So while the whole village pretends he does not exist, everyone follows him with his averted eyes.

After some time, tired of all the hating on Jimin, I go into the sugarcane field, to find Jungkook in the there,as always. He was holding onto some flowers, a mixture of violet and white. He gave them to me and gulped.

"So... I heard about Jimin hyung..."

I look away, putting the flowers to the side.

"Those are meant for Jimin hyung by the way, give it to him."

I stare at the flowers for a while and nod.

"The flowers are pretty. What do they mean?"

Jungkook licks his lips and looks into the horizon. 

"The violet ones are called hyacinths. They grow in the water. They symbolize sorrow.  Especially with what he's going through right now. Being falsely accused. However, the white gardenias represent hope. That everything will turn out well." 

I nod my head slowly and smile at Jungkook.

"You're amazing you know that? You are so kind and caring and..." 

Jungkook smiles and looks at me. 

" If you really like me that much, you should just ask me out already!" He teased, laughing, showing his bunny teeth.

He found it funny but I didn't. I just smiled.

I look into the waters crashing on the cliff, pinkish-orange, reflecting the sky.

After getting no reply, Jungkook looked at me with a concerned face. 

"Are you okay? I'm sorry if I hurt you or anything..."

I don't say anything to him. I just stay there. With no actual thoughts or feelings. My body was there, but my mind wasn't. I didn't know what was more chaotic: my surroundings, my mind or my heart. 

I just closed my eyes and let the wind ruffle my hair and touch my skin ever so gently that even I start to doubt reality.