The Things We Cannot Say

.24.

The next day, when I'm bringing Dolsae out to pasture, I see Ji Hyun lying straight on the hay like a corpse. Alarmed, i run up to her and shake her up.

"Ji Hyun!"

She stirs. Turning towards me, she flashes a small smile. "My mother brewed a tonic for me yesterday. I think she has forgiven me for what happened."

I pat her head slowly. " Really? That's a good thing. She finally understood that it wasn't your fault."

I sit down beside her as she continues, " I'm happy about that. My baby is getting heavier by the day and needs to grow. I'm glad she made the tonic."

"What tonic?" We both look up to see Jimin, who was holding some herbs, looking at Ji Hyun with a concerned face. " What tonic are you talking about?"

Ji Hyun grins at her brother. "I think mum has forgiven me. She made a tonic for me and the baby!"

Jimin's face turned serious. " She made you something?"

"Mhm."

"And you drank it?"

"Yes, I did. I think it did something to soothe my baby, because my baby is very quiet. I told mother in the morning but she got angry at me."

Jimin drops the herbs he was holding in horror.

"JI HYUN, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DRINK ANYTHING BY HER!" Tears formed slowly in Jimin's eyes as he put his hand on her stomach.

Ji Hyun's eyes grow pensive. "Do you think my baby is alright?" She grabs my hand and puts it on her stomach. Nothing, but I nod.

"Of course. Jimin... don't be so negative. I know its hard to believe, but maybe she did change?"

Jimin shakes his head vigorously. " No... No..no... I know her better than you guys do. We need to go to see the doctor. "

I hesitate. What if someone sees us? Luckily, it is still dawn. I bring Dolsae back to the cowshed and feed her some dry hay. I just hope no one wakes up early enough to see Dolsae not out to pasture. When i am done with the cow, the three of us hurry out of the gate towards Ulsan. Hopefully, we will return before anyone realises we are gone.

We do not say anything until we get to the doctor's. A shrunken, old man, with a grey goatee,he does not ask questions, just sits Ji Hyun down and feels her pulse. What kind of a language is that, that one can understand the soft rhythms and diagnose by its flow? He squints and concentrates on the tip of his nose, then he straightens and gets up.

Jimin and Ji Hyun look anxiously at him, scrunching the ends of their hanboks.

The doctor sighs, and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Your baby..... no more."

The siblings stiffen. "What?"

"No more," the doctor repeats. "Now, you must get some rest and don't think too much about it. The baby will come out very soon, but now it has to stay in. You are still young. Let me give you some ginseng to brew with the chicken. It'll help strengthen your body. "

The doctor goes behind the counter and takes out a jar of wrinkled brown roots and takes out some of them.

Meanwhile, Jimin looks towards me.

"Did he really say...?"

I nod and pat his back slowly.

Jimin brings me outside and grips my shoulder tightly. "Taehyung..."

I didn't need him to tell me what he needed. I knew all he needed was a hug, so that's exactly what I did. I pulled him into a hug and calm him down as he cried into my chest.

When Ji Hyun comes out of the room, she shakes her head.

"I think he's mistaken. " She says, walking so fast, that we had to run to catch up. "My baby will be born soon, and I'll come here and show him. He will be surprised."

Jimin and I look at each other, biting our lips.

"Ji Hyun." I say.

She stops so suddenly that I crash  onto her.

"What?" She breathes hard.

"We are going the wrong way." I say.

All the way back, she talk about her baby, as if we never turned back from the wrong road at all.

***

Towards the evening, we head to the Min's guesthouse, where Yoongi hyung had just arrived. Hoseok hyung brought us in, and we sat in front of Yoongi hyung.

Yoonji arrived a bit later and sat with us too.

"Your highness, when our children are born, do you want to go visit places together?"

Yoonji nodded slowly. "Yeah, of course."

"We could also bring our children together and let them play! We can watch them grow old and see their kids too! That'd be cool don't you think?" Ji Hyun excitedly laughs as she holds Yoonji's hands.

Yoonji smiles and looks away.

"And guess what? I'll be the best Uncle the two would ever have. I'll play with them and-"

"I'll teach the young ones how to fight!" Hoseok hyung cuts Yoongi hyung off. "So they can come work with me in the palace in the future; And the future prince or princess can defend themselves."

Ji Hyun takes out a small bag and shows us the little shirts and trousers she made.

"I made some for your baby too Unnie. Our babies can have matching clothes."

The sleeves and trouser legs were just a little longer than my palm.

"Can you imagine, you used to wear clothes like these." She held up a shirt in awe.

"I don't know if I did." I say.

"Of course you did. What else can you wear?"

"I don't know, but from what I know of her, I don't think she made baby clothes for me."

"She either gave me hyung's clothes or just wrapped me up in old cloth."

Ji Hyun laughs. " Don't say that. Your mother wouldn't do that. She loves you."

"I doubt it," I say. My eyes get hot.

We don't talk anymore, just glances exchanged everywhere. Somehow, the mood in the room was uncomfortable, occupied by all of our thoughts and feelings.

Yoonji clears her throat. " I'm getting married next month."

While some of us choke on air, some of us evidently show shock.

"If I want to raise my baby well and be there for him or her, I have to find a way. I'll tell everyone that it is the Prince's baby. It's up to him to decide."

"But Ji, your due date is in a few months. Won't it be weird?"

"I've decided. If I die, I die. Just take care of my baby." She then turns to Ji Hyun and puts her hands on her shoulders. "I don't know if I'll be able to do what you asked me we could, but I'll try my best okay?"

Everyone go quiet. I guess it was a time for us to think about all that was happening because nothing made sense anymore.