Finding yourself

Collapse

Many wise people say that collapse is a good option, do you know why? Because it gives you the opportunity to be brave and stand up from whatever is shaking you at that moment. It's normal not to always feel good, there may be days when the rain is more intense than the sun's rays, even feeling lightning inside your body causing anxiety. The human being is conditioned to endure many internal battles, but at the same time, to show the world how valuable and even dangerous the motivation can be to take on the world. The consequences can be varied, for example, within the positivity, when it comes to getting up with enthusiasm, we carry a lot of pride inside us and there are times when we do things without thinking and without reflecting on "what happens next". Consequently, that leads to sadness because it was not what you really expected of yourself and the situation. Emotions can be more intense when the negative envelops the positive, leaving self-love forgotten and  leading to self-loathing and anger.

Time can heal everything, but we are never satisfied with the past, the reason for this is as follows: "we want to forget everything when we really lose the details of the present trying not to remember the past". This phrase has been brushing my days lately because I am seeing the value of life, of being human on this blue planet full of negativity and insecurities. For this reason, meltdown is necessary in order to be able to appreciate mistakes in a loving way and follow your own path to find a way not to get lost. I have read books on Buddhism that have taught me new concepts in life to look up to the sky and know how to keep me on Earth. "Dharma" is that change that every human being decides to make in order to forgive oneself in the most difficult moments and to overcome the negative to the positive, trying not to fall into the dead end. In short, it is to seek a balance of good and bad deeds in order to gain inner peace and achieve quality of life. 

If you don't know where to go, it doesn't matter. Where you are, is and will be important, because you are breathing and listening to your emotions to control your insecurities, and then, turn them into the daily peace you need. I admit that I have fallen so many times that it has become a habit to open a window and not see the sun, but, we must know that the days where the sun is not shining are also precious. Every storm preserves the sweetness of life, we feel more nostalgic and hug our people with purity. Those rainy days are the ones when you can read a book to take your mind off things, even if you feel like going out, do it without an umbrella. Do you know why? It is absolutely necessary to feel the drops of the grey clouds falling on your skin, that skin that feels and dehydrates when we break. On my grey days, I usually pick up my laptop and write down my emotions to feel free, to communicate with myself, to hold on tight to the sadness I have been carrying inside and hug it as a path to self-love.

If one is really ready to understand one's feelings from the depths, one is ready to travel the world, but only on one condition: being one's own version. We often forget to be ourselves because others condition us to be better or even worse, and this leads us to give up our own daily activities and create versions that will border on mental collapse. We know that time makes us mature, it makes us see the reflection of other versions that will be part of our lives, but we must always keep our heads up and know where to get out and how to survive. The concept of survival is not what we think of when someone is down a hole asking for help or trying to find a way out, I mean, to always carry everything that our mind thinks is not healthy and we always have to find a way to survive and get out of it. And you ask yourself, "so when will the pain go away? From my point of view and in my experience, it is not a deadly pain, it doesn't even exist. Do you know what really exists? The situation that has already happened or that you imagine and that causes you such pain that you don't know how to move forward without thinking about it. Therefore, if we eliminate those imaginary thoughts or that have already happened and that you really miss, we will be ourselves again and we will feel again the breeze of the wind when you run in a meadow at sunset.

Do you understand now the need to collapse? You have to live for another day, live to be free and live to feel. No matter what storm you are going through, you have to hold on tight to the umbrella of life and fight against the wind that doesn't let you move forward, simply put, we're more human when we collapse, because we sit with our emotions and engage in a conversation to feel escaped from reality. That conversation doesn't always have to be with yourself, often we need to take out our anger on those people who have hurt us. Don't think that what we should do is knock on their door and vent our anger by trying to blame the person in front of you, but to forgive and understand the situation in order to reconcile or go on without that person. I have come across people who have forgiven but have not been reconciled, so their reflection was: "I can't find the meaning of life". 

Do you think reconciliation is the same as forgiveness?

To reconcile is to enter into a positive agreement to maintain the relationship and stay together with that person. Forgiveness is understanding mistakes, acknowledging them and offering that peace between you and that person, but, it does not mean that the relationship will be similar to what it was before or get the confidence to strengthen the relationship again. You see the difference? Not always when you forgive you reconcile with someone, that is, that someone may need peace of mind with themselves but that person does not need you to move forward on their path. We all grow up, and as we do, we decide who gets on the train of our lives. We can't decide when to stay or not, everyone is free, and you have the power to change your course and there is always time to start again. 

So, if you collapse, you are always ready to start a new direction and let go of the negative to move on to the positive. In my experience, many people have got off the train and I may miss them, but I have reflected on it. Life knows and values moments, people and your decisions. Every decision you make will be right. No one knows you better than you know yourself, even that childhood friend will never know your deepest thoughts. The reason is simple: human beings tend to keep the deepest things to themselves, and let go of the simple things so as not to complicate their course. 

I have had a best friend for 6 years and she has got off my wagon. I have thought about her a lot, every day I do. There are people who leave their mark, who, if you look at this from the perspective of the train of life, they leave you a note on their seat "remember me, because we had the best years of our lives". So maybe that is the main reason why it is difficult to forget and easy to collapse. For example, you hear a song and it reminds you of that person, that restaurant where you used to eat, the waves of the sea that were listeners of your anecdotes, and the love that you will never find in another person because you know that theirs was unique. 

So, if you think it's your fault that people get off your wagon, you're wrong. Mental health is important, even if the mark or wound is recent, hold on to the best moments of life and breathe. You are here, reading this, and I don't know if you are having flashbacks of the best anecdotes of your life, but it is always healthy to remember that what we were in the past, we will continue to be in the future; and that every version that appears or disappears in us, it will be beautiful to remember.