Finding yourself

Widespread trauma

To define trauma from a psychological point of view, it is an emotional shock that produces a strong and lasting negative emotion. Without expecting it, it happens. It has a series of consequences to facilitate the search for someone who perceives it, for example, that person is afraid to walk through a crowd of people in the middle of the street because of past situations that have caused this current trauma. For there really to be lifelong trauma, you have to go through criterion A, that is, exposure to death, serious injury or sexual violence. From that point on, we arrive at post-traumatic stress disorder. There are events that leave a milder trauma that is not considered a disorder, as in the example of the crowd of people. 

Two types of trauma are of major concern: childhood trauma and gender-based violence. Both have negative consequences with a range of disorders. The link between the two types is developmental at an early age and they happen in adulthood and prevent them from happening again. When a child has a family in which abuse is continuous, that child will not be able to see the meaning of a real family because of the psychological trauma that has been developing over the years. Low educational level is one of the causes for the child to develop both trauma and depression, as there are children of the same age in their environment with a higher academic level and with more doors open to an important future. In addition, a parent's neglect of their child can have serious consequences even while carrying out such a disorder that each time leaves continuous and long-lasting side effects. The effects that can take place in addition to depression and anxiety, is that of "experiential avoidance". You may wonder what it is, because it is an emotional shock just like trauma, but its development is different. In this case, it focuses on eliminating the emotional suffering by all means, avoiding memories, feelings or thoughts related to the experience. This is the main part of the suffering, because by eliminating the experience, you also eliminate certain people in your life in order not to remember the emotional damage. The word "flashback" is what could define the process of experiential avoidance, as it is a compilation of experiences based on memories, places and moments, both good and bad. 

From my experience, I have had serious psychological traumas that I am still suffering from today. I lost a friendship of 7 years less than a year ago, which has affected me mentally and even physically, to the point of forgetting myself. I have many memories with that person, as well as wanting to feel their hugs and listen to their friendly advice again. My conclusion to this trauma I am developing: in this life everything passes, if it really has to be a damaging process, no matter how off you are, there will always be some moment a thousand times better that will replace all those moments in the past that you miss. This is where nostalgia comes from, which is a feeling of longing for the past and wanting to go back and live again. For me, nostalgia has a positive value, never a negative one. The reason why it is positive is that what you really miss is the good times, because no one would want to miss the bad times. Every human being wants to live the best in life without having to remember thoughts full of stress and anxiety, but many times we get carried away by what the thought says rather than observing our surroundings and smiling at what we are living in the now. Therefore, the important thing is to fill your life with the memories of the now, without having to go through those train stations with the name of the stages of your past, go on and on until you find a key point to feel the now without sighing after an anxiety attack.

A person should never be forced to do an act from which he or she previously carried out a moment of stress and now develops severe psychological trauma. Patience is the key to dealing with moments of the past with people who suffer from it. To feel calm again and live a new life, it is necessary to go to therapy. There, through a professional, acceptance and commitment therapy will be carried out. Its aim is to reduce anxiety, to use the "I" as an overcoming value, to develop defusion, that is to say, it is a technique of cognitive therapy with the function of detecting those thoughts and seeing them as hypotheses instead of objectives, and finally, flexible attention. The latter is important because of the capacity it develops, that is, to be aware of the behaviours occurring in the present in order to respond and not focus that attention on the traumatic event. It has been shown that trauma can develop through dreams when we sleep, I mean, we dream of something that has never happened to us but which in the future may happen without us expecting it and we already live life with obstacles. This is a serious consequence, as anxiety and fear of living peacefully can also appear, because our thoughts at that moment are stronger than our surroundings. It can be known as a nightmare what we dreamt and it has been a stressful emotional shock and happiness is not observed at any time. There are even times when situations from the past are shown in dreams but with other physical aspects, for example, a person who has felt ignored can be represented as a wall that surrounds them and they cannot leave because nobody listens to them. From there, the person wakes up with the fear of feeling ignored when they really have the people who have always loved them, but their mind puts up a wall to ignore their surroundings. The main therapy is to accept the emotions we go through, whether they are negative or positive. Human beings are adapted to live and accept everything that comes in their way, and everyone creates their own obstacles or their own bridges to move one step forward or backward. It is also necessary to stop avoiding the memories of nightmares, because not all of them carry obstacles, even an obstacle is capable of giving you the solution to the problems that you have been carrying for a while. And finally, to establish a different ending to that nightmare in order to want to move forward in the present without harming your mental health. It is all about cognitive restructuring and exposure to the nightmare. 

"Experience is one of the causes of success or failure. We do not suffer the impact of our experiences, called traumas, but adapt them to our purposes". - Alfred Adler.