Serenity

Chapter 74: The Ex-Files

Hero's POV

It all felt like a fever dream.

  What she was saying, my words, even Felix being here didn't feel real. Everything was moving and my brain just wasn't. My mouth was saying things that I sure as hell meant but not that harshly.

This is all so fucking confusing.

"Well that was a shit show," Felix mutters before sipping his orange juice. Thank you for the unnecessary comment.

"I wasn't ready for her to come down here and do that," I say and he rolls his eyes at me. Son of a bitch is what he is.

"You're never ready for anything yet her telling you to get your shit together rocked your boat. So much for Tranquility," he tells me and I close my eyes, thinking, breathing, trying to not punch his teeth out.

"My shit is together," which sounds gross in hindsight but whatever.

"Barely, but whatever you want Hero. She said it straight, you need to fix your fucking attitude or stop sulking about and about her being gone, especially after what you just did. You want her back, yes?" He says and I nod at him, trying to figure out where this is going but my brain just can't comprehend it. "Then fix yourself Hero, for the better of all of us."

He wipes his mouth and gets up from the booth, looking anything but impressed. Pissed, would be the word I would use for the look on his face. I leave the money on the table with a more then generous tip before following him out.

  "Hey! Hey!" I call after him but he keeps walking. I don't know why I'm following him, maybe to clear my name in his eyes. Or my eyes. I don't even fucking know anymore.

  The walking lasts forever and so does my yelling. I have no idea where the hell I am. I feel like I should know what's happening but my head is so clouded with anger and I just want to... I don't know break something? Break Felix? I don't know anymore.

"We're here," he says to me, slightly out of breath and in front of a random house. I look around a bit and I still have no idea where I am. It doesn't help I'm in the middle of fucking no where in Texas. I feel like I'm in the open, I feel very vulnerable.

"And where is 'here'" I ask Felix and he looks from me to the window. There she is, standing in the window and looking at us. I'm sure she heard me yelling from down the street.

"You're gonna have to face her and your feelings at some point, why not now?" He asks me and I want to smack him in the head. Actually, I want to punch him in the face. If I did that I don't know what she would do anymore; three months ago I was sure she would try to stop me. Now I feel like she would just watch.

  "This is the worst plan you've ever come up with, like really this is shit." I say and I know I'm just saying something so I don't have to talk to her. Part of me is sorry for what I said but I don't know, should I be? What I said was wrong and completely shit, but it's also true.

  We both snap our heads to the door when we hear it shut and she's standing there. My heart jumps and she comes down the stairs. "Hi," she says meekly, different from her more confident demeanor in the diner. Her hair looks messier and she looks like she's been crying.

  I take her in, looking at her entire body and I see the blood dripping off of her hand. I'm about to see red but she walks away, into the backyard of the house she was in. I look at Felix before we both follow her into the backyard.

Jo's POV

My wrist hurts.

  Before I heard Hero screaming at Felix, I was throwing shit everywhere and Anthony got pissed at me. He cut my arm, trying to kill me or something insane and I stabbed him in the shoulder. It's not the first time that this has happened, and I'm sure it would be the last until one of us are dead.

  As we're walking I tighten the thing that is wrapped around my wrist, trying to get the blood flow to stop dripping from my arm.

I guess knife fights are dangerous.

I mess with my hair and I finally make it to the small lake that's in the back of the house. The sky is so pretty back here, part of me wants to see this kind of sky when I die.

"I'll go inside... so you two can talk it out," Felix says and I look at him, shaking my head.

"Anthony is in a pissy mood... and it's a mess in there so just go walk to the other side of the lake or something," I say and he nods and starts walking.

"Why are we out here...?" Hero asks me and I take a deep breath.

"Well you showed up and inside is a mess," I say and rub my face a little bit.

"Why is inside a mess?" He asks me and I suddenly feel like a truck just hit me in the throat.

"Because..." I trail off and let the long pause happen. "Because you hurt me and I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to do," I say and I finally look at him for the first time since the diner.

"You broke everything," he concludes and I mean he isn't wrong but also isn't right.

"I broke a lot of things, and then got into a knife fight," I say softly and look away from him. "Maybe we did this to ourselves," is all I can say before looking to see where Felix is. He's going slow, which is good. "Maybe we went too fast."

"Or maybe I shouldn't have gone looking for you," he says and my heart sinks into my chest. He is right about that, but that doesn't mean It doesn't hurt to hear it.

"What are we anymore," I say softly and look into the water. It's so clear you can see the fishes swimming in it.

"People who love each other who can't be together," he says and I chuckle at that.

"We've always been that, that's not who we are now," I say and look back up at him. I can't read his face anymore and it's irritating me. I just want to know what the hell he is thinking.

"I love you, but you changed," he tells me and I nod.

"I love you too, and you've changed too," I say back and he just keeps looking at me dead faced.

"Because you left," he says and I nod.

"Because I broke your heart," I say softly and he slowly nods back at me. "And you don't know how to forgive that," I say, trying to figure out what he's thinking.

"I don't know how to look past it," he says, correcting my assumption. I can feel my heart breaking slowly as this conversation moves forward.

Because it's us moving on.

  "So what do we do?" I ask, part of me trying not to cry while the other part wants to walk away. If I walk away I don't have to deal with the hard shit, but I can't do that again to him.

  "Fuck... I don't know," he says and runs his hands through his hair. This is new for us, actually talking about what's important instead of keeping it inside until it explodes.

  "How do we fix this?" I ask and he stares blankly at the lake.

  "Do we fix this?" He asks in a softer, more understanding tone. "I mean... is it even possible?" I have a feeling I know where this is going and I don't think I'm gonna like that very much.

  "With time it will be," I say and he chuckles. It's not a 'oh that's so funny' kind of chuckle. It's a 'yeah right your crazy bitch' kind of chuckle.

  "Time... yeah, cause that's what's worked in the past." He says with a bit of an unnerving smile.

  "At least I'm giving suggestions, it's like you don't even wanna fix this," I say and his smile drops and I suck in a sharp breath at my realization. "Do you even wanna fix this?" I ask softly and he turns to me.

  "I don't know anymore," he says and I feel my heart shatter. That's my answer, he doesn't know so he won't put the effort.

  "I think that answers my question, don't you?" I say and he nods a bit. I go over to him and kiss him on the cheek. "I'll always love you the same way Hero, even if you don't love me the same way." I say and nod, walking toward the house before turning around. "You can leave when your ready, I'll see you on the other side," I say and he nods before I walk back into the house.

I guess I'm on my own now.