Serenity

Chapter 79: Kissed

Present...
Jo's POV

I'm feeling severe deja vu right now.

  "How are you feeling?" Hero asks me and I sit up on my arms, being that I literally flopped on the bed like a fish.

  "Like I've been strung up for days, or hours at least. I actually don't know how long I was down there," I say and bite my lip a little bit, looking up at him.

"How are you feeling babe?" Hero asks me and I can't meet his eyes as tears stream down my face.

"Like I just lost everything... how are you so okay with this? How are you not breaking down like I am?" I ask, partly out of anger but mostly our of fear of who I made him become.

  I decided deja vu is a bitch and she needs to leave the building. But clearly that won't happen. "Well," Hero says out of no where as I sit at the edge of the bed. "I'm still trying to find Salvatore, and I know you know where he is, so a hint would be nice," he tells me and I look at my hands.

  "Telling you where he is will make everything I worked for turn to dust. It's too precious to lose," I say without looking at him. He squats to my level and brings his fingers to my chin, making me look at him.

  "He's hurt so many people Jo..." he says to me and I shake my head, looking down again as a tear rolls down my cheek.

  "Yet in the past few years I've somehow hurt more," I say softly and I can see him shaking his head.

  "No, no I refuse to believe that," he says and I chuckle a little bit, looking at him again.

  "I shot you in the leg two years ago and hated myself so much for it that I tried to kill myself. I've almost died so many times yet I just can't. I can't fucking die and that's all I've wanted to do since I left." I say and he gets up, moving away from me. "I'm scared that if I get close to anyone they'll walk away from me like I walked away from you. And this time I'll deserve the pain." I say softly and mess with my hair before wiping my tear.

  "I can't tell if you're stalling or not," he says with a chuckle and I shrug.

"I can't tell either," I say softly and he chuckles a little bit again.

  He moves closer, then he emotionally pulls away from me. I can tell from how his face moved. Twitching from a smile, to a frown, to a smile again.

  "What are you hiding?" He asks me and clearly that's the emotionally tied question.

  "What am I not hiding is the question," I chuckle but he just stares at me, clearly not finding it amusing. "Okay... well, I'm scared the person I'm in love with isn't in love with me anymore," I say and he looks down.

  "I don't know how to help with that," he says to me and I sigh softly. "What will get you to tell me where your father is?" He asks me and I chuckle.

"When will you stop asking me about him? It's extremely unattractive," I say and he smiles a bit, but not enough to laugh.

"Do you know why I keep asking?" He says to me, more as a rhetorical question. But never the less, my smart ass answers anyway.

"Because Felix is dying..." I say softly and his eyes change slightly and then go back. "Or maybe you're scared he'll go for someone else."

"You... I'm scared he'll hurt you," he says and I sigh softly, moving my hair out of my face.

"He's desperate, he wouldn't hurt me, at least right now," I say softly and Hero shakes his head, seemingly not impressed.

"What happens when he's not desperate anymore, what happens when he flips on you? Have you even thought about that?!" He yells at me and I shake my head.

"Of course I thought about that!" I yell back at him and take a deep breath. "But you're planning on killing him and I need him for a little while longer. Part of me needs him to survive. I might be ruthless, but he is evil. And right now I need a little bit of evil," I explain and he stares at me for a little bit.

  "I don't believe you..." he says to me and I play with my fingers. There's millions of things running through my head right now and I don't know how to process it all.

"I don't expect you too," I say and he stands up, turning away from me. I look up at him and feel my heart sink. He's pulling away again, and I hate it. "After all this time..." I trail off and he turns back to me.

"After all this time what?" He asks me and I chuckle a little bit.

  "After all this time you still don't believe me... and you still don't think I'm doing what's right," I say and he shakes his head at me.

  "That's a load of bullshit Jo and you know it," he says to me and I stare at him. "I don't see eye to eye with you on this, not this time."

  "Clearly," I mumble and he scoffs at me. "You never see eye to eye with me. If you saw eye to eye with me you would understand why I shot you in the leg." I say to him and his eyes widen.

  "You shot me in the leg!?" He went to me and I sigh softly.

  "Well I thought you knew that..." I say softly and he comes down to my level again. "Well you did kidnap James. That pain in the ass," I say, mumbling the second sentence.

"I thought you were dead for so long," he whispers for some reason even though no one is around us.

"Are you sure you didn't hope it?" I ask softer and he drops his head a little bit.

"For a few months I did... but then I realized how much I loved you," he says and my heart leaps.

"Loved?" I ask, my voice cracking softly from the tears building up. He said loved. Loved is past tense while love is present tense while will love is future tense. Yes, I learned something in my English class.

"I don't know if I still do," he says and I feel my heart sink.

"Is it because of the decisions I've made?" I ask and he shakes his head, taking my face into one of his hands.

"It's because you've been better without me," he says softly and I shake my head, tears falling down my cheeks. He wipes them for me; I guess he still hates seeing me cry.

"I'm just good at faking it," I say and lean my forehead on his. "This entire time I thought you despised me," I say and he holds my hands now.

"I'm good at faking that," he says and we both laugh a little. "You're everything I've ever wanted and more until you start using your gun as your head." He says and more tears stream down my face.

"You're more than I could ever ask for until you start getting high or drunk," I say and he squeezes my hands.

"I've changed," he tells me and I look at him instead of our hands. His eyes meet mine and we somehow get closer, if that's even possible.

"I'm scared," I admit with tears rolling down my face.

"Me too," he says and pulls me closer. His lips meet mine and it feels like a lighting bolt is being sent through my veins. I haven't felt like this in so long, and it feels so good.

He turns us around so he's sitting on the bed and I'm on his lap. He groans and pulls me closer to him. I run my hands through his hair and tug a little. He flutters his eyes shut and I start kissing down his neck.

"I've missed you," I say softly and he pulls me up, kissing my neck this time. I lean my head on his shoulder and whimper.

"Fuck," he groans again and I make him kiss my lips again. "I've missed you too," he says to me and no matter how much I should, I can't pull away from him.

Where the hell do we go from here?