Serenity

Chapter 73: Truth

//TW FOR HARMFUL LANGUAGE\\
Jo's POV

That was... something.

It felt like time was moving at such a slow speed that I didn't even realize what was happening. Or maybe I was so hyper fixed on the fact that he was there. And he was in front of me.

Or maybe that you had a gun to his head.

Whatever.

I'm in the house I told them to meet me at but part of me is scared they won't show up. I know they will, this is Hero we're talking about, he tends to be predictable. But there's always that part that isn't predictable and that's the part I'm nervous for.

I'm tempted to walk out of the house and walk to the diner. It's not far, a 10 minute walk maybe, and it would make it easier so he couldn't yell at me. Because he will yell at me, you know, because he's predictable.

Without thinking, literally my head is empty, I walk to the diner. Once I'm there I smile at Joanne, the owner. I've gotten to know her very well, and she really is a sweet lady, but she also doesn't ask questions when I ask to use her back room.

I scan the front room for the two of them, and then the booth area, where I find Hero stirring a coffee slowly and Felix stuffing pancakes into his mouth. I make my way over to them and take a deep breath. "Which one of you wants to make room for me?" I ask and get very shocked looks from the both of them, which is especially amusing when you see the pancake hanging out if Felix's mouth.

Felix is the one to react first, so he moves over for me and I gladly take the seat. Part of this feels foreign, like I'm sitting in a booth with the men who kidnapped me. But the other part feels like I'm home, because these are the people I associate home with. "Where should we start?"

"You said two hours," Felix says after taking a drink of what I assume is apple juice but could be beer for all I know or care. I smile a little bit before thinking of my answer.

"I got tired of waiting, next," I say knowing there's probably a lot of questions out on the table. Which I understand. I mean I did just pick up and leave without a word so it makes sense for there to be many questions.

"He called you boss," Hero says, which is not the first question I expected from him but I guess I'll take it. I do have my fair share of questions but I'm a lady so I'll let him go first.

"I pay him and others to work for me," I say with my hands folded in front of me on the table. Joanne comes over and serves me a coffee. I quickly thank her and she gives both Hero and Felix a deep stare before leaving.

God I love Joanne.

"You basically have your own branch of the mafia," Hero says harshly and it hits me harder than I thought it would. Though it's true, that's basically what I have, hearing it from him feels different.

I knit my eyebrows as I think of the right way to answer this. Though the answer is yes, it's not as simple as that. There's many different paths I have purposely taken to not be so dark and demeaning. An easy pay day for those willing to do the work is how I would put it.

"Well?" Hero says impatiently and I blink a few times as I smile at him. He's different too, I can feel it. He's like a shadow of the man I knew, and I know I did that.

Right now he's the same person who kidnapped me, not the person I fell in love with.

"It's not a simple yes or no, it's more complicated than that," I say softly compared to his harsh words and I take a sip of my coffee, letting it burn the roof of my mouth. It's me going back to old habits but I don't even care, the pain makes me feel something different than despair.

"It should be simple," he demands and I laugh a bit, putting the cup down and wiping the edges of my mouth. I shake my head with a smile before locking my eyes on him again.

"But it's not. I'm not someone who has a chain of people at my disposal, just some people who hate doing the wrong thing and want to get paid to do it right." I say and Felix looks at me a bit confused. "It's like water and oil, they don't mix. The mafia is the oil while the people are the water. For the people I... associate with they want to be the water while their work is ice tea mix or something. It feels right rather than feeling utterly wrong is what I'm trying to say," I say and Hero looks down, shaking his head at me.

"You're bullshitting me and yourself if you truly think that," he tells me and my heart stings a little bit but I've heard worse.

"Am I Hero? Or should I be calling you Finn?" I ask and Felix drops his fork, clearly not expecting that kind of response. "You know, when you told me who Finn was I should've remembered the file my father had on you and Tranquility and whatnot. You're the reason me and my best friend hate each other now. Well, the reason that started it I should say. You call me a liar when you lie to the people who follow you, at least I don't do that."

  He looks at me and there's fire. That's the only thing there in his eyes is red hot fire. He hates you now, is all my subconscious is saying, but I refuse to believe that. I have to believe he loves me still or else I left for nothing.

  "You don't, you do something worse. You give them false confidence," he tells me and I can't help but laugh.

  "You do the same thing just by giving them someone to believe in. All my people do is believe in themselves," I say and his eyes grow darker. I walking a thin line here, and I'm thinking he's not so happy to see me anymore.

  "You should've just shot me in the head," he says and I shake my head.

  "Now why would I do that? I think we should just get the elephant out of the room and ask the question everyone has been wondering, why did I leave?" I say and he closes his eyes. He's trying to push back his rage, the rage that fuels him instead of saves him.

  "You're right I have been wondering that," Felix says quietly and I smile a bit.

  "Well on to it then, why did you leave?" He asks me impatiently again and I feel myself getting shaky. It's the first time in months that I'm nervous, it's a weird feeling and I want it to go away. God I sound like a child but that doesn't matter right now.

  "Because to love you I had to love myself first," I say and he just blinks at me. Like it wasn't enough. Maybe it wasn't enough, maybe I'm not enough. Or maybe I'm just over thinking the entire thing.

  "That's it?" He asks me and I sigh. So maybe I wasn't over thinking. "You left to love yourself? Are you kidding me?" He kinda yells at me. See, predictable.

  "It was more than that but thats the gist, so yeah. You wanted something I couldn't give you. We... lost... what we lost together hurt me more then I could ever realize and I didn't want to hurt you more than I already hurt myself." I say and he rolls his eyes at me. He doesn't give a damn. He doesn't care.

  "I can't believe I've waited this whole time to hear that... for that to be your reasoning," he says to me, kinda loudly too. I look down and then back up at him again. "And if you really want to grow or whatever you should just say it as it is. The baby you lost," he says to me and I suck in a breath, and so does Felix. It's like even he knew that was a low blow.

  "You know what Hero," I say and then stand up. He sits there like he's waiting for the fucking circus to begin. Oh I want to slap him, but I won't do it here. "I've hated myself every single night for leaving you the way I did, and I get that you're angry but fuck you for saying something like that. I... the things I wanted to do to myself are unspeakable and for you to act like I left because you wanted more closet space is what hurts the most. I don't know who you are but you're not the person I fell in love with. You're the person who shoved me into a suitcase and had your monkey hold a gun to my head."

  "Hey!" I hear Felix say from next to me and I shoot him a deadly glare which immediately makes him quiet.

  "So this time, I mean it more than ever. Either fix your fucking attitude or leave me the fuck alone for good. Because I'm sick of your bullshit and I want my boyfriend back. You know where I'll be. So I'll see you on the other side," I say and then put the three dollars on the table for my coffee. I make my way over to Joanne and hand her a five for a tip from me alone and then I walk out.

Just like that I walk out hoping the next time I'll walk into something better.