Agents

Chapter 15: Something Personal

hey quys soo i said to myself that i was going to have this up by like monday three weeks ago and i guess i lied but here it is :D

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      "He's dead… he's dead…" I kept sobbing until I felt the arms of my father trying to pull me to my feet.

     "He's not dead."

     "He's dead!" I whined.

     "Caira he's at the damn hospital." my father shook my shoulders and I almost collapsed once again into a pile of bones. "Read this." my father handed me Jacobs phone and I wrapped my shaking fingers over it to brighten the screen.

I love you ba-

     That was all I needed to continue my river of tears, knowing that I might not get the chance to tell him I loved him back.

     "We can go to the hospital, go change I'll take you." my father kissed the top of my head and I sobbed into my hands as I walked up the stairs. It took me only a minute to change and I almost tripped over my laces as I neared the front door. My father led me to the front of the house and we got into the car silently.

     I almost wanted him to say something, to make a joke, to ask me a question: something personal. He didn't though, he just sat and held my hand as I sobbed and stuttered like a fool. We pulled up at the hospital and I remembered that the last time I had been there was the day when my mother died. I didn't even see her after that, not even her body. I just remembered that I couldn't look at the casket, I couldn't see how pretty she looked wearing the bracelet that we made together. My father had told me that she looked beautiful, but I still haven't found my bracelet, the once Dwayne stole from me.

     Thats how I ended up sitting outside the emergency center with silent tears streaming down my face. My father sat with me on the chairs and let me cry into his shoulder that was now soaked with tears. He fell asleep after awhile and I moved to the floor, trying to get comfortable enough to forget that Jacob could possibly never wake up. I must have looked terrible by the time his parents arrived. His mother ran to me and clutched me to her chest, weeping into the side of my hair as her husband punched the wall.

     "Caira." my father called to me and I stepped out of Jacob's mother's embrace.

     "Mrs. Leveque this is my father." I motioned to my father who was now standing with his arm outstretched. It definitely looked awkward, watching them interact while Mr. Leveque had his head buried in his hands. My father left to give us privacy and the first words to come out of my mouth were I'm sorry.

     "No. Hunny please don't blame yourself. You know Jacob loves you more than anything. He's not gone, he's still here, he'll be fine baby." shessured herself more than me and pulled me to her again. By this time I was already out of tears and could only offer my shoulder for her to cry on until she went seeking comfort from her husband. They tried to get me to leave, my father even threatened to pick me up kicking and screaming, but I still wouldn't move. I wasn't going to leave until I knew that he would be okay.

     I was sitting outside of the emergency room against the wall counting the wrinkles in my fingers and praying to whatever God that Jacob would make it through. It felt like years just sitting there and realizing that there would be no one to tell me how stupid I was being every time I picked up a knife. It became so tempting to get a knife from the cafeteria and hide in the bathroom, but I didn't even feel like cutting anymore.

     I didn't want to be that stupid girl, in fact I just wanted Jacob to be proud of me. Thats why I stayed there over night, its why I couldn't get an ounce of sleep after my father left and Jacob's parents checked into a hotel. I wanted him to wake up and see that it was my turn to be strong for him.