The Miraculous Which Was Never Hers

Cold

I sacrificed anime for this.

*

Chat drew an extended, perturbed breath in as the winter chill gently touched his face, almost caressingly so. He had arrived early at their meeting spot. Too tense, too impatient, too curious.

He exhaled heavily, his breath condensing in the air. Winter came by so quickly, he thought. It reminded him of the first time he and Iris fought together, assisted by Stormy Weather. How she'd thought of making the giant ladybug-themed sentimonster hibernate, and how she'd selected Aurore for the job. 

It also reminded him of the first time he'd met Marinette. Her cold demeanor towards him because of a misunderstanding, her immediately warm apology on realizing her mistake.

The delicate shyness in their initial years, and how they'd gotten so close now.

Only she was closer to him in a way he didn't want her to be.

He liked her company, he wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. And although he was perfectly happy living like this, he still wanted more.

More.

'I'm such a selfish idiot, aren't I?'

Another chilling breeze snapped him out of his thoughts.

He paused.

It also reminded him of their first clash against Darkbug.

Against his father.

These past nights, he found himself unable to sleep, often staring at his ceiling, catching these thoughts inside his head.

He didn't want to believe it. But it was way too obvious, and he'd just be in denial.

Surprisingly, it didn't hurt much anymore. Gabriel being Darkbug. It seemed oddly soothing. Comforting. It gave him something to blame everything on. Gave him a reason not to hate his father.

It gave him a curtain. A front. To hide all the problems, the real issues behind the wall of ignorance. And at least pretend everything's fine.

It was weird. Although he still hatred Darkbug, he didn't hate Gabriel Agreste. Maybe that was because of his father's sudden change right around the time Shadowbug showed up.

He'd suddenly started acting a lot more concerned about his son, started acting like an actual parent.

...

Wait.

His sudden change right around the time Shadowbug showed up.

Which meant the time he lost his miraculous.

Was the change in his manner towards Adrien initiated by him losing the miraculous?

One question led to another. And another. And another.

Until it was an endless web of unanswered mysteries that could make him lose his mind.

What happened when he lost the miraculous? What was his goal? Why did he even use the miraculous? Did he know about Chat? If he did, would he have attacked his son to get the ring? Why did he need the ring? How did get the ladybug earrings? Are his ears even pierced? How did he not notice it before? Was this related to Adrien? Would Gabriel still take the miraculous if given a choice? If not, what did he give up on?

Was he ready for that kind of a conversation with his father yet?

So many questions. No answers.

He didn't mind though. He wasn't curious.

Sure, if given a chance, he'd not hesitate to learn the answers. He'd do it in a heartbeat. But forcing them out now just didn't feel... right.