Just Roommates (GamKar/GamTav/SoulKat humanstuck AU)

Why So Soon?

"You're doing what!?"

It had been five months since Gamzee moved in. And even if Karkat denied it, they were great friends. And the short man was maybe a little attracted to the tall grinning Gamzee. The man had helped him in so many ways. Karkat had seriously improved mentally and had started to get a bit more relaxed around Gamzee. But now this was happening and Karkat felt like Gamzee was ripping his heart out through his throat.

"I'm all up and movin' in with Tavbro, we're all motherfuckin' dating and shit now." Gamzee hummed as he shouldered his bag. Looking happy and carefree. And Karkat hated him for not knowing how much pain he was causing. He hated Gamzee for betraying him like this. And he hated himself for getting do emotionally invested in this fucker that he actually cared that he was leaving.

"Gamzee- are you fucking- you fucking know what?! Just go. I don't give a single fuck." Karkat snapped. He wanted to scream. Gamzee had helped him, earned his trust, made him believe that he would /always/ be there. And now he was leaving. To go live with his fucking boyfriend. That kind of fucking stung because Karkat had a very strong urge to kiss Gamzee whenever he did anything dorky.

"Alrighty Karbro. We gotta all up and keep in touch." Gamzee said with that stupid damn grin that had Karkats chest fluttering in a way that caused him so much pain now.

"Fucking whatever." Karkat growled as the door swung shut. He buried his face in his hands and silently hated Gamzee.

He was /not/ crying over Gamzee. He wasn't going to waste tears over that fuckass. Gamzee didn't deserve his tears. Okay. Maybe he fucking did. Maybe Gamzee had just been so sweet and unconditionally caring and cherry that he brightened up Karkats life. Maybe the apartment seemed cold and empty without the faint smell of Gamzees body spray lingering in the bathroom or the occasional bottle of Faygo on the counter.

Gamzee hadn't showered in the apartment for weeks. Having been staying with Tavros. But now. He was really gone. And Karkat was feeling worse than he ever had. He drove everyone away. Every fucking time. Nobody lasted even six months. Not even Gamzee. God. Karkat already missed him. He just needed something to drink. His head hurt. Why? He had been crying without even knowing it. Not having moved as he sobbed into his hands. But he sniffled and dried his eyes. He hadn't taken a blade to his skin since Gamzee had patched him up. But now he wanted to rip through the skin encasing his battered soul. He wanted to rip his heart out of his chest because he shouldn't be feeling like this. It shouldn't hurt so much. He didn't have the right to cry over that asshole. He couldn't even call Gamzee his.

Before Karkat had even thought about it he had moved to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. But he got distracted by a bottle of Faygo. He had never tried it for the entire time Gamzee had been there. So. He looked at the bottle before opening it and closing the fridge. He gave the red liquid a suspicious look before taking a sip of it and gagging. NO. how the fuck did Gamzee like that shit?? It was as sweet as he was likely. Wait what no. That wasn't okay to be thinking like that. He wasn't supposed to crush on his roommate.

Karkat threw the bottle in the trash and went back to his room where he curled up in his bed under the covers. Crying into his pillow over another lost friend. He knew that Gamzee would never come back. He was likely just saying he was dating Tavros because he thought that it would take the edge off of the whole thing. But it didn't. Karkat didn't know why he was so upset about this. He was in denial about caring about Gamzee.

"You fucking assfuck. I need you goddamnit." He muttered. His eyes bleary with tears.

The next day at work he kept his head down to hide the shadows under his eyes. He was just having a shitty day. He just wanted to go home and get a talk from Gamzee. The guy could always cheer him up. But he couldn't. Gamzee was out of his life. God. He just wanted to be out of here so he could go home and fuck his skin up again.

He was almost off the clock when the door swung open. Karkat kept his head down and hoped they wouldn't actually stay as he heard the hiss of a wheelchair and footsteps following.

"I've really been wanting to come here for awhile now. Thanks for taking me Gamzee." Someone said. The name made his blood go cold as he glanced up through his messy black hair. Sure enough. It was Gamzee with that dopey smile. Pushing a short man in a wheelchair. That must be his date Tavros. Karkat couldn't deal with Gamzee- but suddenly a voice cut through his mind as he stood to get Sollux to cover for him.

"Oh! Um. Excuse me. Uh. I'm looking for a certain book?" The boy in the wheelchair asked timidly. Karkat winced before looking up through his hair so they couldn't quite see his face.

"I-I'll go get the other guy. He knows." He said before he slipped off. Getting Sollux from the back room. He wasn't surprised to hear them talking when Sollux went out. They knew eachother after all. Karkat avoided them until they left and he clocked out. But he was caught at the front desk by Sollux.

"Hey uh, Karkat. I've been meaning to ask you for awhile. Do you want to go get coffee? Like. As a date?" Sollux asked. Running a hand through his hair as he leaned against the counter.

"Oh. Yeah. Sure. That sounds uh. Nice." Karkat said. Okay. He liked Sollux. He didn't see any reason why this wouldn't work out.

"Awesome. So. Want to go? I'm closing up." Sollux offered. Karkat nodded as he pulled the sleeves of his sweater down over his hands.

The date went well. Ish. Karkat was a bit uncomfortable and it was hard to find things to talk about. So they didn't do anything after coffee. Karkat just went home. Tried to eat something (and failed) before he went back to his room. He went through his classes and then just went to sleep. Crying into his pillow and wishing Gamzee couldn't hurt him like that.

He just wished he could go back to his way of not giving a shit. He didn't care about people. Everyone except for Gamzee and Sollux, the meant nothing. But he wanted to be able to hate everyone again. And know that he wouldn't be missed. But. He was worried someone would care. He didn't want people to be hurt if he died.