Just Roommates (GamKar/GamTav/SoulKat humanstuck AU)

I'm Coming Home

Karkats life became hell over the next few months. He didn't have anyone to keep him happy. And he was in a horrible decline. He hit rock bottom after two months. He was constantly cutting and hating himself. Sollux helped a little. But Karkat would never tell him about the cutting. Even if they were an item. Which they were.

But Karkat missed Gamzee. More than anything. He had never clicked with anyone like that before. And god. He hated how he had become so unknowingly dependent on Gamzee. He missed the scent of Gamzees cologne in the bathroom. He missed his too-loud singing in the shower. He missed everything. Even the way that Gamzee would pop in at the most random moments to check on him.

He was sitting on the couch with Sollux. Just watching a movie when suddenly Sollux was kissing him. Not like the usual sweet kisses. But hot and heavy and fairly demanding. Karkat was instantly uncomfortable as Sollux rested his hands on his sides. Oh god. No. He couldn't do this. He couldn't take his clothes off like Sollux obviously wanted.

"S-Sol stop." Karkat muttered as he pulled back. He couldn't. He knew what Sollux wanted and he ha been putting it off for awhile.

"Why Karkat? Don't you want thith?" Sollux asked. Moving his lips to Karkats neck as the smaller male tensed. Trying to squirm away as his back hit the arm of the couch.

"Sol- no. I can't-" Karkat whispered as Sollux moved so he was on too of Karkat and they were stretched out on the couch.

"But why not? It's been months." Sollux hummed against Karkats skin as the other man turned his head to the side to avoid him. He didn't want this.

"Sollux please-" Karkat begged. Not liking this at all. He didn't want this. He didn't want to have to strip. He was too awkward and he didn't want to have sex anyways. Not with Sollux.

"Woah. Fuck sorry. I see you two are all up and. Well yeah-" Karkat looked up towards the door. Gamzee was there. Looking shocked as Sollux grimaced and sat up. Letting Karkat move back and pull his legs away.

"Why are you here Gamzee?" Karkat snapped as he got to his feet. Gamzee had caused him so much pain. He hated this. He didn't want to be so close to Gamzee now. After everything that happened I just wasn't the same.

"I'm fuckin' out with Tavros. Shit went wrong. I was wondering if I could come all up and live with you again?" Gamzee asked as he stuck his hands in his pockets. Karkat bit his lip before sighing softly and nodding.

"Fine. But leave me be when I'm with my boyfriend." He scowled as Sollux got to his feet.

"Yeah. Thure. Boyfriend. Forget it Karkat. We're done." Sollux said calmly as he walked out. The door clicking closed behind him.

"Never mind then. Just fuck off and leave me alone." Karkat snapped. "You can stay." He growled as he walked away and back to his room. He flopped down on his bed and buried his head in his arms. Tears dripping down his face as he gotcha about how he was hurting himself. Fucking shit. He was so damn stupid and this was just going to hurt him more to have Gamzee around.

"Why the fucking shit am I doing this to myself?" Karkat whispered. Gritting his teeth and screwing his eyes shut to try to shove tears back. He was just going to earn himself pain with this. Gamzee was so fucking ignorant and unknowing about how much he was hurting Karkat.

"Karbro? You all up and fuckin' okay?"

Karkat stiffened as he heard the voice. Hadn't he locked that door? He just ignored Gamzee and hid his face in his arms as he screwed his eyes shut.

"I'll be takin' that as a no." Gamzee sighed as the door clicked closed behind him and he made his way over to Karkats bed. Knowing that the small boy wouldn't want to talk right off.

"Is it that Sollux motherfucker?" Gamzee asked gently as he rested a large hand on Karkats shoulder. Before he was rubbing the other mans back gently and trying to persuade him to talk.

"I'm fine Gamzee. I thought I fucking asked you and your idiot face to leave me alone." Karkat said defensively. Even as he relaxed under Gamzees gentle hand. Fuck that guy and his knowledge of how to get through to Karkat.

"Karbro. You know this ain't fuckin natural. When you get upset you all up and avoid everyone. You should like. Motherfuckin' break some shit or somethin'." Gamzee said calmly. Knowing that Karkat was trying to bottle everything up. Which only worked sometimes.

"Is me yelling at you fucking natural!" Karkat said loudly. Suddenly bolting up and whipping around to face Gamzee. Who looked a bit alarmed. But otherwise stayed quiet.

"Is this what you fucking want?! Do you want some eternal motherfucking shitstorm of me flipping the fuck out?!" Karkat yelled. He was angry but his voice was shaking and there were tears in his eyes as he watched Gamzee. Who waited for him to continue. Staying calm through Karkats outburst.

"Maybe I don't fucking want to yell at you! Did you ever fucking consider that for once in my goddamn life I don't want to fucking yell at anyone?!" Karkat snapped. His voice breaking as he thought about how much he just wanted Gamzee to hug him and comfort him. But after everything the other man had done he also wanted him to go jump off of a cliff or worse. He was quite conflicted.

"See? Maybe you did need to get all up and motherfuckin angry with someone." Gamzee soothed as Karkat flopped back onto his stomach again. Crossing his arms over his head as his small body started to shake with tears. He just didn't know what to do or how to feel. His mind was switching between anger, depression, needy-ness, relief, and a whole other range of emotions that Karkat found unpleasant and just downright unwanted.

"Fuck you." Karkat choked out as Gamzee rubbed his back again. He didn't know if he wanted Gamzees caring hugs or a knife to kill him with.

"Karbro. Come on. You ain't gonna be able to mope around forever. You've got motherfuckin' miracles to see. Some of them just for you. But you gotta keep tryin' and workin' for the shit you want and motherfuckin' need. You can't let no motherfucker get in your way." Gamzee said softly. His warm drawl soothing as he tried to get Karkat to relax. And much to Karkats distaste it was working. He just wanted to be left alone to stew over everything. But. This actually helped a lot.

"I'm fine Gamzee. Go bother someone else." Karkat muttered. Earning a sigh from Gamzee as he reached over and ran a hand over Karkats hair. The smaller man was feeling quite sleepy with the soothing feeling of Gamzees warm hand on his back. And his hair getting stroked. Not to mention just Gamzees presence in general. Karkat always found himself relaxing around his friend.

"I'm stayin' here until you tell me what's up and botherin' ya." Gamzee insisted gently. Still working at getting the truth out of Karkat.

"You did. You just. Fucking left. Everyone fucking leaves Gamzee. You made me believe you were fucking different and then you up and left with your damn boyfriend to go live your apple pie life and I got fucking left alone like always. Nobody wants to fucking be around me. Not even you apparently." Karkat admitted quietly.

"Karbro..." Gamzee looked a bit shocked. He hadn't known that Karkat was so torn up about him leaving.

"And now you fucking show up like a happy little fucker and you don't realize how much pain you fucking put me through. Or you just don't fucking care. I don't fucking know which one is worse but either fucking way it hurts and I don't want to care about you but I still fucking do because you're the best fucking friend I've ever had. Even if you're a total ignorant idiot I can't fucking loose you." Karkat was choking and stumbling on his words as Gamzes eyes saddened and he gently pulled Karkat up into a hug. Murmuring apologies and holding Karkat close. His arms folded around the other man as Karkat practically melted into his chest.

Karkat didn't want to get cuddly and let Gamzee win. But he did. Breaking down into Gamzees chest as he gripped his friends shirt and subbed into his collar quietly. Gamzee kept his arms tight around Karkat as he gently murmured apologies to Karkat.

"Karbro. I'm so motherfuckin sorry. I didn't mean to hurt no motherfucker." He murmured gently as he held Karkat tightly.

"W-Well you still did. You still f-fucking hurt me. A hell of a lot." Karkat sobbed as Gamzee stroked his hair and held him close.

"I know that now. I know. I'm so motherfuckin sorry man."