Soliloquy

Wild & Beautiful

My life was never stable, neither was I. They say your life affects your personality, so that makes sense.

I'm lost somewhere in nowhere.

All my life, I've been searching for a home.

I've traveled all around the world, walked through every street people call it beautiful (though they all look dark to me), but they all lead to nowhere. I've spent money on "the happiness kit" and by this, I am refering to "these" stuff that make people happy like expensive phones, food, resorts..etc.

I have even tried reading books and watching shows (which is considered a little boring for me after all), but did anything help?
Did they give me the best solution to full in the emptiness inside?
Did it stabalize my weary soul?

"My soul is still wandering in my body, trying to find a place to fit it."

I think as I exhale the last cigarette. At the end, all I do is walk in those dark dirty streets leading to my home, holding a romantic book that probably never seemed interesting or relating for me in the right hand and exhaling all those contradictory thoughts, trying to rescue my crowded head from drowing, with this amazing thing in my left hand called cigarette.
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Until one day..

That dayy, it changed my life, forever!

I walk in the same streets, exhaling my confussions accompined with a smile.

I didnt want to go home. I didnt want to run to bed and cry to sleep to my only friend; my pillow.

For once in my life, i decided to walk in different streets, go to places i never been to and maybe get lost in an ugly garden, because thats where i found you.

On that day, I've realized that the whole world is a garden full of millions of dead flowers and only one bright-coloured flower and seems that i found it ❤

You're the most beautiful flower in this world, but maybe a little wild. You are full of thorns that protect you from danger, protect you from the ones who want to get you out of your roots.

I can see the wind blowing you, your insecurities are getting more emphasized.

But darling, you're never out of your roots. You're strong and firm and it's only your thrones that hurt me, my beautiful wild flower.

I wanted us together so I planted my roots next to you but whenever we hug, your thrones leave a mark.

It's only your arms that seem to heal me even though I get hurt every time, but I don't care. Because? Because that's love you taught me.

And for the first time in my life, I started to read that romantic book and actually relate.

"What's love? Love is like there's a button in front of you that says "press this for free cookies," but every time you press it, a bird shits on your head, but you keep pressing it, and once in every 100 times, you get a cookie.

And it's the best cookie you've ever had.

And while you're eating it, you realize you'll willingly get shit on 99 more times in hopes of getting another cookie.

Then one day, the cookies stop coming."

My dear beautiful flower, will the cookie ever stop coming?