Soliloquy

My no longer mine.

And I knew it..
I knew it's gonna happen.

And it all ended.
Everything.

No more tangled thoughts.
No more thoughts from this bedeviled mind..
And no more you!

I'll really miss you..

I remember when I last met you.
I know I did.
No hallucinations, no!

I remember facing you, and all I did was staring at your pale eyes of every shades of blue.
They were so beautiful.. as always!

All I could remember was me saying:

-"Don't leave.. Please! If I could, I would have given you the whole world, I swear."

And you coldly replying:

~"But I don't need your world and I don't need you, I need peace. I need peace of mind, heart and soul."

What? Peace of mind, heart and soul? But.. what about me?

I've put too much hopes on you, and my sick mind considered you the home of my wandering soul.

Was I kicked out of my home?

No, no, no..
He is just drunk.

-"I know you're drunk, my cute little drunkard."

He can hear me tremble..

~"Your cute little drunkard needs peace of mind, heart and soul."

And he left.

He left!

Yes, he did!

And here I am, here I am in this dark cold room, with a flashback of us.

Is it over? Are we over?

I feel I'm suffocating though I have no health problems..

Then he appeared out of nowhere. He was distant but facing me.

-"Babe, are you back?"

~"I need peace of mind, heart and soul."

Then he disappears and suddenly, he is closer to me,
~"I need peace of mind, heart and soul."

Then disappears and appears much closer to me this time,
~"I need peace of mind, heart and soul."

I looked in his eyes but they weren't pale anymore, no. They were steady, evil and ugly.

He appeared again and now, we're face to face.
~"I need peace of mind, heart and soul."

Then he disappears into ashes, like an evil witch who was done with her evil work.

I stand there, taking oxygen in, releasing carbon dioxide out, heavily...

I couldn't scream, I couldn't shout.

I was so stoned, I kept staring at the nothingness, driving the memory lane of every little detail of our memories then breaks it your voice, saying "I need peace of mind, heart and soul."

Your words were like a knife, entering my mouth, down to my throat, then inside my lungs, searching for that already weak heart to kill..

Then I heard Gary Jules' low sweet voice:
Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression, no expression..
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow, no tomorrow..

His voice brings relaxiation to my soul, and ends me in a beautiful way.

But you know what, you gave me "peace of my mind, heart and soul". A little painful, but releaving. Yes, no more tangled thoughts and my bedeviled mind and my weak heart will no longer function.

Your love hits me like I've fallen from a skyscraper, do I look like I mind the pain?

Then, I fall to the floor, mummering "Mad world, mad world.."

I can hear the noise of my beating heart, slowly f a d i n g . .

With the last beat of my heart, It was proven what I always say.

I hope you now believe that my heart beats for YOU only and it will always beat for YOU till the very end, my no longer mine angel-mate, my no longer mine painful curing medicine, my no longer mine favorite serial killer.

I never minded the pain, but I couldn't handle it either..

I love you. I just do.