The Last Woman

Match Maker

It was no use. They were just too Awkward. Time and time again Rimmer and Zora would manage to get Zero and Arlene on their own and boy was it painful to watch whilst peering around doorways.

"Were we really this bad before we got together?" Rimmer questioned as they watched Zero make another dumb excuse and run off no doubt to occupy himself with something to tinker with instead of admitting his feelings. There was really no doubt in Zora's mind that he was an alternate version of her.

"I hate to say it but probably. Though we were just better at avoiding each other half the time or accidentally pissing off the other," Zora replied. "Now, I'm going to go talk to Zero because I have not fallen low enough that I'm going to go ask Listy and Listy for love advice. Why don't you go talk to Arlene?" Zora suggested playfully.

"When swine take to the sky. The last time I talked to her she called me a bit of toty!" Rimmer complained with a scowl.

"Oh but Arn you are a bit of toty," Zora smirked and smacked his arse as she sauntered down the corridor at some speed.

"Zero Ford procrastination is not the answer to all your problems!" Zora called as she wandered down the corridor towards his quarters.

"Zora Ford! You're me you know procrastination is the only method we use to solve problems!" Zero retorted.

"Okay fair enough. But we also know how much we like a certain hologram. And we also know they're the most awkward beings to exist when it comes to romance or rather just in general," Zora pointed out jumping onto the bed as Zero worked away at his desk.

"What do you mean how I look at a certain hologram?" Zero wheeled around in his chair.

"Oh, you know exactly what I mean Zero! Don't think I don't see how you look at her every time she enters a room. Every time she smiles awkwardly at you or gives you that weird short wave or the occasional salute because you are technically her superior officer." Zora listed. "Not to mention how you look at her a-" Zero clapped a hand over her mouth and tackled Zora on the bed.

"Will you shut up woman!" He complained. Zora licked his hand and he tore it away. "You're so gross!"

"I'm you! You should know that that is an instinctive move," The green-haired woman pointed out with a laugh.

"So rude!" Zero shoved Zora back into the bed with a hand over her face in retaliation.

"No, I think it's you who's rude!" Zora tackled Zero off the bed and onto the floor. "Ha, I win!" She cheered as Zero sighed in defeat and flat on the floor. Neither noticed Arlene standing in the doorway having watched the whole thing. She looked at the duo laughing together and sighed before wandering off.

"Umm...hate to interrupt you two hooligans but I think a certain other hologram could use some cheering up," Rimmer spoke after knocking on the wall grabbing their attention.

"I take it you're not talking about you, Arn?" Zero questioned.

"No, I'm not you smeg pot I'm fine. Arlene on the other hand most likely thinks you're really into yourself. And yes I did think that through before I said it," Rimmer added.

"Did you really though Arn?" Zero queried as Zora dragged off the floor.

"No more procrastinating my chaotic friend. There is a woman on the observation deck probably feeling quite insecure and like she may die alone like this one was," Zora shoved him out the doorway whilst Rimmer went to protest but stopped himself knowing Zora was indeed correct.

Zora continued to shove the green-haired man down the corridor until she was a decent way away from her Rimmer.

"Right, don't screw this up." She flicked him in the head once he had turned around to object. "You know her best of all but if Arlene is anything like Arnie she's terrible at expressing feelings. Though when you're looking it's pretty obvious to see how she feels. Not to mention trying to get Rimmer to talk when he's annoyed or upset is particularly challenging."

"How did you even get him to stay in one place?" Zero sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "When she's upset Arlene just runs out of every room I enter."

"Well, my method involved yelling at Rimer to sit his arse down and then pinning him down by sitting on him," Zora answered with a light shrug. "Feel free to copy. But just relax God knows we are terrible at doing that sometimes but just don't overthink, don't freak out and try not to screw this up."

"That's some pep talk right there."

"Enough with the sarcasm, more of the going to confess your love to the beautiful woman." Zora shooed Zero away dramatically and he went off.

"Zero's right you know. You're terrible at pep talks," Rimmer snuck an arm around Zora's waist as he rejoined her.

"Yes well, at least when I give pep talks I'm not sending an army of wax droids to their deaths and managing to leave a planet completely uninhabited," She retorted with a grin.

"Touché my dear, touché," Rimmer laugh and slowly led Zora back towards the bar. "Now, how about a drink for the lady?"

"I thought you'd never ask Arnie."

Rimmer and Zora raided the bar for some drinks and raced out of the bar again avoiding Debie and Dave who were having a dance-off in the middle of the room. Zora was still struggling to work out if it was a competition for who could dance the worse or the best.

The pair went off exploring through the ship and soon had absentmindedly wandered into one of the old officers quarters that had thankfully been cleared out of any belongs of a former owner.

Zora jumped down on the bed and sighed constantly then she caused and pursed her lips.

"Please don't tell me I'm the only one who wants to see how Zero and Arlene are doing?" She blurted out.

"Nope, not in the slightest. You want to hunt them down and be unbelievably nosey?" Rimmer offered her his arm respectfully.

Zora rose calmly and linked her arm with his and they strode elegantly from the room deciding they would come back enter for the drinks.

The slow walk just about lasted till out of the doorway when Zora broke free and ran her shoes squeaking against the floor as she took off.

"Oi! Wait for me," Rimmer ran after her nearly tripping himself over as he did so and almost falling on the floor.

The green-haired woman laughed when she caught sight of the foundering hologram over her shoulder. Heading straight for the observation deck, Zora didn't slow as things slowly turned into a race with Rimmer.

She gave a cheer when she reached the steps firsts before slowly creeping up the stairs. Zora didn't get far before she caught sight of the pair. Rimmer was soon right behind her gawking over her shoulder.

"Looks like they're doing better than we did," Rimmer commented quickly as he started with wide eyes.

"What can I say Zero has my charms," Zora declared smugly as she turned away to give the couple some alone time happy she had been a somewhat effective matchmaker.

"Don't you mean you have zero charm?" The hologram corrected.

"Excuse you!"