Fix me

5,840 days

its my birthday today and my life for the 16th year is still pathetic and lonsome. and i have planned what to do which would be so cliché. my mom and my sister we celebrated yesterday at new york where my mom works. today im gonna throw a party at my house. my life is a dream life, i swear. i keep on reminding myself how lucky i am for this life. but sometimes i say to my self that i wish i could choose a family and a life.

"okay hun, make sure not to have a mess here at home." mom said packing their things on the way to australia. so for 2 weeks ill be on my own. or maybe a lot of party. mom is always like this, moving and moving to anywhere so i am confuse if new york is really her working place. my dad has many house on many countries and thats the good side of it. i get to travel wherever and stay at my home. but not my country.

"yeah. thanks a lot mom!" i kissed her on the cheeks that said goodbye and she and my sister head to the door. you might think that im so happy for her leaving me again? But no. i wanna stop her from going there and bond and bond. but no, she is a busy woman that she forgets her own child.

"And Tam?" Her voice was calling for forgiveness

"yes?" i turned around to look at mom, i dont wanna look at her because my tears were falling again. but i need to put it together.

"happy birthday sweet heart" she said smiling at me probably thinking she made it up to me. which did not. and would never. like what the hell? Is she that low grade for her to tell im okay of being left alone? No child wanted to he left alone.

"thanks" as simple as that, then i turned away from her

then they were gone

i texted loren, gia and dianne. they have been my friends since forever. they have been my family. they are the proxy for my mother/sister and sometimes father. they have replaced the space blank in my heart. which gives me more time living in this boring world.

"hey. mom's gone. u can now show your selves." I called Loren

theyve been hiding on the back yard waiting for mom to go because my mom would really talk till hours and could even forget that their catching some plane. My mom thinks talking to my friends, encouraging my friends for me to be open minded would work. i wanna tell her that how about you talk to me and you stay with me?

they entered the house by the back door howling like boys as usual theyve been raised in the woods

"ready to party, girl?" loren screeched.

Obviously so excited. I dont know but shes always excited, i know happiness is a good thing but how can i build it inside if i am not? i met Loren at some Party that a guy from my school threw, she was drunk as hell and i was the one who bunned her hair up while she was throwing up over the beautiful roses. i moved her by just a grass, i have mercy for roses.

"Yeah, whatever." I said, being grumpy, because again, my parents are out. And I'm all alone. Again.

its 2:00 pm and we are preparing for the party that starts at 8pm.

"you know what, tam? since i had you by my side i never really liked my old self. you know being bullied, anonymous and low self esteem. then you just came." Gia said
Mincing some potatoes

"yeah, youre welcome baby" i said. its really nothing. its not everyday that i could see a beautiful humble nerd sobbing in the comfort room.

"well yeah remember when we met at the girls room where i was sobbing and and you opened the door of a cubicle then you just came to me and start comforting me?" She giggled

"basically you were moaning and tortling" i teased while cleaning the table

"yeah kay whatever Tamara" we laughed