Lavender Skies

~ 21 ~

Kuroo watched as Bokuto closed the coffee shop door, his hands physically wouldn’t let him and so the snowy haired male had taken over from the task. He had quickly managed to close the door before jiggling the handle to ensure it was locked, this only helped to confirm to Kuroo that the wonderful two weeks they had spent together was over. Trying to divert his attention his eyes met the pitch blsck emptiness of the sky above. He desperately searched for stars but with the clouds circling and the light pollution of Tokyo, he couldn't find a single speck amongst the sea of black. 

Subconsciously he shoved his hands further into his pockets, balling them into fists praying the pressure on his palms was enough to distract him. His mind wandered, his eyes looking at his shoes yet he was unfocused on everything around him. Truly in his own world, dissociating into a tunnel of anxiety. 

The ocean of his mind had been calm and gentle, a soft current of emotions had remained steady for the past couple of years. Yet, within the span of a day his kind had turned the water choppy, giant tidal waves swamped him, surrounding him and crashing through his being and he feared should he succumb to the dark depths he would surely drown. Drown in nothing but the inky black ocean beds and turmoil of sheer depression. He feared should he sink again he wouldn't recover. 

So to avoid feeling the over stimulating crashing of his emotions he mentally tuned out. It was easier that way, to conceal everything in a gift wrapped present in a bow and wait until he gets home to open it. Like a bomb wrapped in christmas paper, he was suppressing the explosion until he was in a more confined environment. 

Kotaro was no idiot, sure he had his moments but he was perceptive. He had always managed to pick up on Sakusa’s germaphobia getting bad, or Atsumu’s nightmares, even Hinata’s suppressed excitement he had sense. He knew when people's defaults seemed to shift and he had noticed a shift in Kuroo. Bokuto had picked up on the subtle differences in the others' behaviour, he had noticed how the other was quieter, how his eyes would zone out when he wasn’t engaged in something mentally taxing. He watched as Kuroo flirted less with people, his smile was smaller, his shoulders more hunched. It wasn’t much of an outward change but it was enough for him to notice - and that was the worry. 

From the little time he had known Kuroo he had learnt three fundamental things when it came to the other's emotional state. “Ok Kuroo, what’s going on?” Bokuto had folded his arms across his chest, it wasn’t in defiance or annoyance - he looked more concentrated. As if his current stance was setting himself up to perfectly observe the other. Despite having asked this question earlier in the day, he could sense something was bubbling under the the surface for the other male and he genuinely wanted to help. Bokuto had a nagging feeling in his chest and Kuroo’s words from the other night were ringing in his ears: The past doesn't define us and I know it can be sometimes all consuming, it mixes with our emotions and boils and bubbles. It's a disgusting reaction like Lithium and water.

Bokuto didn’t understand the chemistry simile, nor did he understand the extent to Kuroo’s empathy with the wording but he had a feeling the other evening had opened up a box Kuroo had kept shut for a long time. Unleashed things he had forgotten, brought about memories of old habits, he was almost sure of it. So, seeing Kuroo looking so empty hurt him. He needed to help because although he didn’t understand the chemical reaction of Lithium and water he was sure it was fiery hot, potentially explosive but most likely dangerous. 

“I’m honestly just tired.” Kuroo smiled, his hands seemed to push further into his pockets as he did his best to hold eye contact with the other. A task that usually came natural to the big cat seemed to require extra energy, energy he didn’t possess at the current time. “Seriously, you shouldn’t worry about me.” His voice sounded positive, almost too sickly sweet. He was covering his lack of emotional state with a prerecorded tone, a tone used to convey happiness that seemed fleeting.