help

rage

All he felt was rage, pure hot rage. It was like the thing that was keeping him sane broke, and his anger exploded out. There was no stopping it. It would continue to pour out. When he first had been honest, he felt pretty good getting his feelings out.

But now Clint felt fucking awful.

He wasn't mad at himself for getting angry at the others. They should all know better. He was mad that he said all that shit in front of and to Thor. Loki is his damn brother. Of course he trusts him. Now he just looked like the world's biggest asshole.

So that is why in his blind rage, he ended up back at his archery room. He was sitting on top of the tallest post in the room, looking down at all the other targets and parts of the course.

He wished he hadn't said those things, even though he meant them.

The tape they all watched was supposed to prove to Clint that Loki wasn't responsible. But even as he watched the god of mischief cry and say his goodbyes, he just felt more anger. The tape that was supposed to mean everything meant nothing to him.

He wished that it had. He wished that tape would convince him, but it couldn't.

He knew he had to go see him. The more time passed, the more aware he was of this. But he still couldn't bring himself to do it. He felt so weak, weaker than he had felt in years.

All he wanted was Laura. He wanted to see his wife. Wanted to kiss her and hear her say that everything will be okay. He needed to hear her voice, the voice that could calm him with one word. Yet he still hadn't called. He hadn't said one word to her, to his own wife, since before the attack.

He knew that Nat had spoken to her about how he was doing. He knew that because he also hadn't received anything from her other than one message saying to 'Take however long you need, I'm right here when you need me.'

Nat was the only one besides Fury to know about his. Nat had mentioned many times before that she spoke with Laura. She had said they didn't discuss him, which they both knew was a lie, but other things like Cooper and Lila.

Cooper and Lila. God, he missed them.

He hadn't wanted to think about them, knowing that the more he did, the more he would miss them. And he can't miss them right now. He can't give in and call them because what if he calls them and promises to come home? He can't do that. He can't risk their safeties. It was bad enough that their father worked for a secret government organization where he was constantly in danger and risking his and their lives.

At least they were off his records. The last thing he needed were their names on paper where anyone could see them. The thought made him feel more comforted.

All of a sudden, he heard the door open. He expected it to be Nat, but when he saw who entered he was quite shocked.

"Dr. Banner," he said.

Bruce looked up at him, startled. Clint quickly got off the pole, landing on the ground a few seconds later. He walked over to where the doctor stood.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, nothing's wrong. I asked Natasha where you would be, and she said you'd be here and gave me her key," Bruce answered.

"Of course she did."

Bruce was silent after his response, and Clint was beginning to get a little annoyed. He didn't need someone else to come to tell him he was being a dumbass.

"Not to be rude, but why exactly are you here?" he asked Bruce.

"I just wanted to see if you were doing okay."