help

sorry

Loki knew he was losing himself. He could feel memories and thoughts slipping away. He started to forget who he was for a few minutes before it all would come back to him.

The Avengers continued to speak with him, but not as frequently. He was certain that he was going insane when his own brother walked in, and he didn't recognize him at first. If he stayed under the Other's control much longer, all his memories would either disappear or blur together in his mind, and he'd be lost.

He had a few days at most.

He was beyond exhausted, so tired and done with everything happening that he truly wanted to die. The thought of finally being released sounded so good. Yet, he was quickly reminded that he wasn't in control, and the Other would definitely not allow him to do so.

Loki started to lose all sense of time. He had no idea if what he was seeing was the present or the past.

Until Clint Barton walked in the room.

Everything stopped, and he could feel his mind return. He could also feel the Other, and he knew that they were fully paying attention now.

Clint stood still, staring right at him. It was unnerving, especially since the man showed no weakness in his stare.

"I've missed you, Barton," the Other said, and it still caused chills to run up Loki's spine hearing his own voice coming out of their mouth.

"Couldn't say the same thing to you," Clint responded.

"We have much to discuss."

"Let's cut the bullshit right now, okay. I don't know what the hell is happening with you if it really is you, but I honestly don't care. I just need answers."

"Ask away."

Clint was silent for a moment, pondering what to say most likely, before speaking.

"Why me? Out of all the people, you chose me to be your puppet."

"Collateral damage. You were there and useful."

"No, that's not what the real Loki would say, and we both know that. The real Loki would say that he knew I was the perfect pawn. He knew that I had useful information and was close to people who could get in his way. Even if Loki didn't know who the fuck I was, he'd still say that because lying is his thing, along with getting under people's skin."

He laughed. Clint was pretty accurate. Though he doesn't get under people's skins much, just Thors. He could feel the Other's anger, and that made him even happier knowing that Clint was making him angry.

"I have no idea where this 'real Loki' idea has come from, but I assure you that story you just made up is not accurate."

"I beg to differ."

"Agree to disagree. Any more questions?"

"If you are the real Loki, what was the first spell your Mother taught you?"

Loki could feel the Other search through his memories for the answer and saw that they were distracted. So he once again fought for control, knowing that they were too focused on finding the answer. Clint was smart. Tripping the Other up and making him have to search. He fought and fought, and he felt the Other's grip on him weaken little by little. He had only a short time before the Other would find out. So he put all of his strength into it, knowing that he needed to see Clint through his own eyes, not through this weird clouded version.

But he was too late. The Other had found the answer. But he didn't stop fighting, hoping that they still didn't notice.

"It was growing a flow-"

Loki broke through and felt himself return to being in control. His muscles ached, and all he wanted to do was sleep, but he put all his energy into looking at Clint. He couldn't speak no matter how hard he tried, so he put as many words as he could into his eyes, hoping that Clint understood.

The man stared back at him, and Loki couldn't tell what he was thinking. His few seconds of freedom disappeared fast, and he felt himself slip away. When he was back in the restraints, he knew that was it.

There was no way he was escaping, not unless his brother and the Avengers find some way to free him.

That was his one chance, and he couldn't even say anything. He felt pathetic, like he had one job and yet failed. His one chance. Most likely his last, to speak to the person he wronged most, and he couldn't even say anything. This man will probably be scarred for life, and he won't ever get anything from Loki.

Not even an apology.

The thought made him want to burst into tears.

He hated that he made another person feel the way he does now. Even if it wasn't directly him, he let it happen. He made Clint, who is a good person and a hero, into a prisoner in his own mind. Maybe he does deserve to stay in this place, trapped forever or until he loses himself.

"Took you a minute to remember," Clint said, his voice bringing Loki back to the present.

"It was a few hundred years ago."

"Still, a memory like that... magic and your mother? That's one you'd hold close."

"What makes you think that?"

"You scream Momma's boy. Plus, your brother mentioned the thing with your Father, and he sounds like an asshole."

"Well, at least my parents were there. Where have you been for dear sweet Cooper and Lila?"

Loki was surprised by Clint's calm reaction. Any of the other Avengers would have immediately reacted, but not Clint. Instead, the man walked forward till he was right in front of the glass.

"Don't you fucking dare say their names ever again. Got it?"

"Of course. What about your darling wife?"

"Her too."

"So many rules Barton. Makes the game less fun."

"Well, it does for me."

"So serious. Where is the fun person I knew?"

"That 'fun person' is a fucking fairytale. You want to speak with me? You get the real me, not the controlled dick."

"Ah, I see, only willing to be that person with Natasha or your family."

"Or just not in front of assholes like you."

"You really think that low of me?"

"No, I don't. Because you're smart, yet you stay, which is something the real Loki would never do, or at least not for this long. Now while this has been fun, I have other matters to attend to."

Clint started walking to the door.

"Have a pleasant day, Barton," the Other spit out.

Loki watched Clint walk out of the room and the door shut. Pain erupted in his head and body from the Other, most likely his punishment for going back into control. The longer he felt the painful feeling, the more of himself he felt losing. He let the tears fall down his face, and the screams escape his mouth.

All he wanted was to say he was sorry to everyone. To Thor. To his mother, his home, the Avengers, Clint, and all the mortals. He didn't want this and never did. He had caused so much pain and suffering to so many people.

All he felt was pure guilt.

So as the painful shocks passed along his body, he closed his eyes and took in all of the pain.

Because that's what he deserved.