A Ruby's Glow (Thorin Oakenshield x OC)

10. Worry

"Uh... did I interrupt some private meeting? And, if it is a meeting of the Company, why was I not invited to the meeting?" I asked as Thorin turned quickly, staring at me with... wide, worried eyes. I stared at him in confusion as he stomped over and... pulled me into a near bone crushing hug as I looked over his shoulder in confusion at the others who were staring back at me with relief.

Did they... notice my absence? I was ever so careful to make sure they did not... Well, skipping breakfast probably wasn't smart but I was still in the mountain when breakfast happened. I patted Thorin in confusion on the back, my heart sinking painfully as I realized my absence caused him worry when he started to speak.

"Ruby... you had me so worried. I noticed you were not waiting for me as you usually do this morning but I let you be, I thought you were still sleeping. I had to get to meetings but I had Balin go up to knock on your door... and we found your room empty! Where did you go, Ruby? You worried me, I thought someone or something had snuck into the mountain and kidnapped you while you were sleeping." Thorin breathed in worry and relief as I rolled my eyes.

"Even if someone attempted to kidnap me, you know for a fact I sleep with one hand resting on my sword, no matter where I am. They wouldn't stand a chance in kidnapping me if they tried." I said in amusement, "And I wanted so time alone, was wandering the mountain. I sat up by the gate for a while and watched Novu leave for her breakfast." I... lied. I hated it, but I lied. I felt like too many lies lay between Thorin and I from the past... but I also knew I made a promise to return to myself for Thorin, to fight through my grief, my rage, and my depression to be the woman he loves because he deserves that woman... not the shadow of her I feel I have become. He's dealt with so much hurt recently, so many fear of his own mind... I won't add my own depression and feared insanity to his list of worries, I refuse to.

Thorin sighed and hugged me tighter as Balin walked up, looking at me worriedly as he spoke.

"We understand that, Lass, but for our own piece of mind, could you let us know in the future when you do? I get that you are used to going about on your own, but we care about you, lass, and we don't want to see you get hurt, even thought we all know you are capable of defending yourself." Balin said, cutting off my retort as I frowned at him. He glanced at Thorin's head over my shoulder with pain in his eyes before meeting my own, attempting to convey... something. I frowned even more, worry filling me for Thorin. Is my short disappearance this terrifying to Thorin?

I didn't care that we were being watched, I buried my face in his neck under his hair, hugging him tighter to let him know I am alright, my heart sinking as I realized... a little more than a week ago, Thorin saw me nearly die at Azog's hand... twice. Once nearly falling off of the ice, the second time while trying to kill the orc to protect Thorin. I nearly lost him too. I put myself in Thorin's shoes and imagined the pain and fear and worry if I couldn't find Thorin.

"Let's leave them be, lads, come along then." I heard Balin say as Dwalin grunted at the Firebeard brothers to get out. I continued holding onto Thorin, my heart plummeting even more as he continued to hold me without say a word, just breathing in the scent of my hair. I truly did terrify him... I gripped fist full's of the back of his coat as my heart trembled in a truly painful way. Love isn't supposed to feel like this, is it?

"I'm sorry, Thorin, I didn't think of how it would worry you." I whispered, hoping the pain in my voice wasn't clear and easy to hear. I felt Thorin sigh heavily against my neck as he finally pulled back, reaching up to gently grasped the back of my head as surprised me by softly kissing my forehead, and then my lips. I fought off gripping the back of his head and deepening the kiss, his soft, chapped lips against my own felt like blazing fire, a feeling I never grew tired of feeling as his trimmed mustache and bread brushed against my face. He kissed me in a way that spoke of a depth of emotion that tugged so painfully at my heart I thought I would stop breathing, I could feel both his love and his worry in the kiss, intense with the tension in his gentle hands gripping the back of my head, and the tense way in which he held me, like he feared I wasn't real and needed to know I was. I soothed my hands along his cheeks to try to comfort him, and let him know I am alright.