A Ruby's Glow (Thorin Oakenshield x OC)

2. Where We Stand

I was already back at my room before any of the rest of the mountain woke up for the day. It has become such a routine for me to visit Novu at nights that I have my path planned out well. Normally I would use those secret tunnel connections to the rooms to get out of the way of other spotting me going about but those steps have a bit more of an echo and I don't doubt those tunnels are used as escape hatches in case of an emergency, not for anything else. So I keep my use of them to a minimum. I sat at my table, rubbing my eyes as they burned painfully, words swimming before my eyes from not sleeping a wink last night as I sighed, realizing this is getting no where. I looked at my notes and realized I had not even been writing on the paper, instead I had been messily writing in ink on the stone table itself. I shook my head angrily, anger at myself, as I moved the paper over the marks in the table I would have to scrub out later as I placed the quill into the inkwell and stood, stretching as I listened closely with my good hearing.

I was listening for the distant sound of Thorin's chamber door opening, there are only a few times a day I get to spend with the dwarf I love, so I have treasured each one and listened closely to get the most time out of each small interaction as I could. Thorin has tried his best to find time in his busy schedule to be around me, but I also understand that he is rebuilding a great kingdom that has been gathering dust for more than a century. So I don't judge him if I only get to see him twice a day, three times if I am lucky.

I am a little sad we don't get to interact with each other more than that, but I understand his duty is to his people first. He is a king, they must always come first. Still, he hasn't kissed me again since Lord Dain caught us in the entry hall of Erebor. I still feel like blushing at Dain's crass comment. Also the fact that Thorin pulled me into a dark hall like a young adult avoiding being caught and it was kind of embarrassing to me.

Yet, at the same time... it made me feel young. Of course, my Narthualian years I am still considered about half way through my lifespan, or at least the lifespan of my family the Vauthlariel's. Thorin made me feel young.

The only thing recently that I feel that doesn't make me want to hide from the world, or run. I rubbed my eyes exhaustedly before deciding to check how exhausted I look in the mirror, even if I don't like looking into the mirror I can't have the dwarves worrying about my lack of sleep. Anyways I have it handled, I was already bordering an insomniac before this journey began I am now just a bit worse of an insomniac than I was before. I stood and stomped my way to the washroom, crossing my arms uncomfortably as I forced myself to look up and study my eyes.

Yep, definitely can tell the lack of sleep there, the deep bags under my eyes are more than enough of a tell. Luckily I have something that can help that problem. I turned and picked up a leather sack I kept hidden behind the door. Inside it where herbs and other things I.... barrowed from the storerooms in Erebor, it wasn't like the dwarves of Erebor would notice the small amount that is missing. Having studied herbology with Lord Elrond, as much as I didn't like studying herbs and healing, I know of several herbs that can give a boost of energy, as well as herbs that can be applied to lessen bags under the eyes, even help flush out color so it doesn't look like you got punched in the face.

It's why I kept these herbs here. I can handle all of these... new issues of mine on my own, I don't need help. But that really isn't the reason I am doing this. No, I am doing this to keep my family from worrying about me. They have no reason to worry because I know I am strong enough to handle this on my own. As much as it crushes me down, as much as it hurts and leaves me feeling... empty, I know I am strong enough to keep it all at bay and try my best to be myself. I lost a lot during and after that battle, but one thing I recovered in the last week is my strength. It's enough to keep my family happy.