Life with Loki - short stories

The Gift of Air & Loki Care

Summary: You suffer from a rather large, random panic attack. Your person, your one, the man you love, Loki, is there to help you through it.
______
Warnings: Panic attack / Anxiety Disorder / Depersonalisation
_______

It was a usual day, to say the least. You had been working from home today, and there were no matters of concern. There was no big crisis, no conflicts. Yet, it happened. You had turned one of yours and Loki's spare rooms into a home office, in the apartment that you had both brought together before the pandemic hit. Good timing it was too. Much to many people's dismay —especially Thor's— you and Loki had decided it was time to move out of the Avengers Tower.

You loved living at the tower in Loki's rooms and the Avengers had become your friends, and then your family, but you and Loki were craving your own space. Your own space to decorate - to your similar yet conflicting tastes. Your own space to relax in. Your own space to make love in, wherever and whenever you wanted.  Come on— it was no secret that you and Loki were a highly intimate couple.

So now, you were in your beautiful, calming space, living day to day with the man you adored and loved more than anything in the world. Life was really good, the best, but sometimes, your old friend Anxiety would make an uninvited house call. Just like today. It was a sunny, Friday afternoon and you were half way through a zoom meeting with one of your coworkers when you felt it start. You had often described the start of your panic attacks like a hot flash that released throughout your body. It felt like icky hot waves were vibrating through your stomach, up your spine and through your head. Then you felt it push you out of your body, out of your mind and your usual spoken words turned into simple 'hmmms' and 'ahhs'.

You had learnt techniques on how to handle your anxiety, how to save yourself from an attack. You had learnt and adapted the technique of retracing your thoughts. 'What thoughts or events from my day just induced this anxiety?'.
This would usually work. You had had the practice. But the attack that was starting right now was completely random and when you failed to retrace your thoughts and find the root of the anxiety, that would make the attack much worse. You rushed the flow of conversation with your coworker, anxious to get away. Literally. You needed water, you knew that much, but other than that your mind starting turning into a shambles of a mess.

You shared everything with Loki, just as he did with you. The both of you individuals were essentially the same person now, you could read each other and knew each other like the back of your hand. But sometimes, you needed to appear stronger. Stronger for him; for your King. Your mind during the attack, was aiding your self loathing but telling you that Loki didn't want, or need, a weak Queen. Yes you were Midgardian but that was no matter to Loki. Maybe not in the physical sense, but you were the strongest being he knew of. The most gentle, kindest being, and to Loki, you were by far the most sexiest, alluring siren within all of the nine realms.

As soon as he met you, no one else existed for him. It was you and only you he wanted.

But as sensitive as Loki knew you truly were, you wanted to be strong for your love. Before your work call wrapped up, your answers and replies had become quicken one worded sentences. If your coworker noticed and said anything to you about it you had already planned on using the excuse that you needed the bathroom.

Thankfully, the meeting came to conclusion. You stood from the chair, feeling the warning heat waves radiating through your body, knowing this would get worse. Water, you needed water. Gathering yourself as much as possible in that moment, you walked down the hall with the kitchen as your destination in your blurred mind.