Out of a Movie

Chapter 20

                                                              "The Anniversary"

          I woke up and stared at my ceiling. I felt the blankness. My heart literally hurt. I slowly stood up out of the bed and walked over to my door. I flipped the lock before walking back to my bed. I picked up my phone and turned it off. I didn’t want anyone to bother me today. I walked over to my closet and pulled a box out.

            I walked to my bed and sat down before opening the box and pulling out the photo albums. I crossed my legs under me as I opened the first one and looked over the pictures. It was the oldest one. I had known Axel since we started pre-k. The whole first album was of us as young kids.

            I stopped on one picture that I loved. It showed me on a swing with Axel pushing me. We were about eight years old. We were already best friends and we didn’t hang out with anyone other than each other. We both looked so happy in that picture. It was my favorite memory.

            As I flipped through the book I noticed that my chest kept getting tighter. I was trying not to cry but it was hard. I didn’t understand how this happy little boy had gotten so down over the years that he had taken his life. I also didn’t understand how people expected me to move on while he never would.

            This boy that I loved would never graduate or go to college. He would never fall in love or get married. He would have kids or grow old. His life stopped at the age of sixteen. That was what I hated the most. We would never grow up together. I know I should appreciate the years we had but I couldn’t help but to be bitter about the years we would never have.

            I wanted him. It was that simple. I just wanted him back. I knew I had my friends and Jason. I had my family but I wanted my best friend back. I wanted the person who knew what I was gonna say before I said it. I wanted the person who knew everything about me and never had to ask. I wanted my Axel.

            I suddenly felt the dread come over me. I felt the pain and I wanted it to stop. Then I felt the little light go off in my head. I slowly got up from the bed and walked out the door. I didn’t see anyone so I walked across to the bathroom. I opened the last drawer and pulled out the bag of razors. I took one before going back to my room. I locked the door again before sitting on the floor.

            I knew that if I did this then I would hurt everyone. But at the same time I would be with Axel. I just needed to decide. As I thought about it I heard a knock on the door. I looked up at it but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

            “Clary,” John’s voice called out. I stayed silent. “Clary are you in there?!”

            “Yes,” I finally called out.

            “Are you ok? Unlock the door,” he said as he beat on it some more.

            “Just go away,” I said.

            “What are you doing in there,” he yelled at me.

            “Nothing. I just want to be alone,” I said as I looked down at the razor in my hands.

            “Don’t do anything stupid. I’m calling Jason,” he said.

            “Don’t. I don’t want him here,” I yelled out. I didn’t want him to see me.