Badly Written Cliche Fanfiction (Parody)

I Dont Care

What was I thinking? I didn't like Pete! I liked girls, like....um......Victoria's Secret models....and.....Beyoncé!

I sighed emoly. It was no use trying to convince myself otherwise. I was gay, especially for Pete. But should I tell him? It wouldn't ruin our friendship, cos we weren't actually friends anyway (Pete only hung out with athletic guys and popular kids) and he's too nice to be mean. Right? Taking a deep breath, I walked over to him.

"Hey, um, Pete, well, the thing is, I've never actually spoken to you, but I've had a crush on you since I was seven, and, well, I've just realised I'm gay, so ,um, wanna like hang out sometime yknow?" I stammered awkwardly, surrounded by Pete's friends. Looking up at him, I nervously awaited his response.

"LOL NO WUT DA FUQ U SMOKIN BRO IM NOT GAY AND EVEN IF I WUZ I WUDNT DATE A EMO LOZER LIKE U, SADDO" laughed Pete. His cruel, yet poetic words hurt my soul. He should be a songwriter. I turned bright red as his friends sniggered at me meanly. "CYA AROUND, LOSER MCEMO" That artfully crafted insult was like a knife spearing my soul. He and his friends walked away, blasting Wiz Cauliflour on their phones.

Tears streaming down my face, I ran to the bathroom and cut. I considered telling a friend, then I remembered that, in all my sixteen years of being alive, I had never had any friends. "FML!" I screamed, as all the other guys using the bathroom politely ignored me. "I FLIPPING HATE EVERYTHING AND EVRYTHING HATES ME AND PETE WILL NEVER LOVE ME AND I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY FRIENDS AND I MIGHT AS WELL JUST END IT ALL OR EMMIGRATE TO THAILAND!" I cried desperately. "I HATE THE WORLD!" Then the bell rang so I stopped crying and went to class.

*two days later*

My world had been torn apart by Pete and his cruelness. I hadn't slept, eaten, washed, drank or spoken to anyone since that fateful lunch hour. No one was speaking to me either. Everyone avoided me, and the little kids were saying I looked like an emo zombie. Even Joe, my English partner, wasn't speaking to me, and he spoke to EVERYONE, even that weird kid Ryan, and his douchbag best friend, Shane.

Suddenly, I felt someone tap my shoulder. Another human being wanted to speak to me! I turned round to see a small tattooed boy stood there shyly.

"Hey, um, Patrick, well, the thing is, I've never actually spoken to you, but I'm Andy and I've had a crush on you since I was seven, and, well, I've just realised I'm gay, so ,um, wanna like hang out sometime yknow?" He stuttered nervously. "And maybe, um, if your cool with that, maybe a date possibly?" He added.

I looked into his little eyes and listened to his cute lil fairy voice and, even though I was still in love with Pete, I couldn't say no, or I suspected I might actually break his heart. "Um, yeah, sure, I'd love to go on a date with you," I mumbled.

"YAY! PANDRICKY 5EVA!" Squealed Andy, enveloping me in a surprisingly strong hug.

"Yeah, um, totes 5eva," I replied. What had I done now?