All Good Things: Green Series 5 (Pre-Serum Omega!Steve x Alpha!Bucky AU)

Seventeen

"'With a moo-moo here, and a moo-moo there,'" Oliver and Finn sang along as Bucky drove towards his parents' house. "'Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo-moo.'"

Shifting in his seat, Steve tried to focus on the scenery passing by. Although it was March, some Christmas decorations were still up in the neighborhood. Twinkling lights that blinked out of sync with each other. Hand-me-down plastic reindeer with missing antlers and broken legs. Inflatable snowmen leaking air as though they were also melting along with the rest of the snow.

Parking along the curb, Steve was glad to see that there wasn't a balloon arch or a dozen vehicles surrounding the property. Knowing that he definitely wasn't ready to see their extended family. It was already going to be enough people there to judge him for the disgusting human being he was, he didn't need any more.

Reaching over, Bucky gave Steve's hand a quick, comforting squeeze before climbing out of the Volvo and getting their sons. Inhaling shakily, Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek as he looked up at the house. He hadn't been there since the week before they buried Flora. He wasn't sure what they would think when they saw how unkempt he was. He wouldn't be able to hide how not okay he was.

Not really having a choice though, Steve harshly exhaled and climbed out of the SUV. Oliver was already racing up to the house while Bucky worked on getting Finn out of his car seat. Split between getting out of the cold and sticking to Bucky's side, Steve slowly headed for the house.

Climbing the porch steps, Steve noticed that the door was left wide open while Oliver sat in the entryway, pulling off his shoes. Steve sighed and reminded, "You can't leave the door open, bub. You'll let all the heat out."

"Sorry," Oliver grunted, falling back as his shoe slipped off his left foot. "Papa, will you help?"

Softly, Steve smiled and entered the house. Closing the door behind himself, he toed off his shoes and slipped off his coat before crouching down to help Oliver with his light-up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shoe. Setting them off to the side, Steve stood and found Sadie.

"Uncle 'Teve!" She exclaimed, running across the kitchen to him. Even though she had grown out of the speech impediment, the name stuck. Jumping at him, the eight year old hugged him tightly.

Having been so wrapped up in his own mourning, he hadn't even thought about how the rest of the family had been handling it. Selfish bastard, how are you even a father to begin with, Steve chastised himself. Clenching his jaw, he knew that he needed to get out of Sadie's grasp. She shouldn't be touching someone so –

"Hey, Sade," Dum Dum called from the kitchen, holding a glass of juice. Pulling away, she turned to look at her dad and raced for the glass.

"Thank you!" She happily took the cup and rushed up the staircase with Oliver following.

Back to chewing on the inside of his cheek, Steve hung his and Oliver's coats in the closet. From the kitchen, Dum Dum complimented, "The beard looks nice."

"Thanks," Steve rasped while blushing, still feeling like a failure because not even his facial hair grew the way it was supposed to.

For a moment, Steve just stood there by the closet. Not entirely sure what he should do. Before, Steve would've gotten a snack or something to drink before joining the rest of the adults at the dining table while they played some game. But now it was different. What would they say? How would they treat him? The Barneses were good people, but how could they sit at the same table with someone who was the reason for their niece's and granddaughter's death?

"Whatcha doin'?" Bucky asked when he entered the house, setting Finn on the stairs so he could help remove his coat and shoes.

Steve didn't have an answer, so he just shrugged. Hoping that Bucky wouldn't ask him to elaborate. When he didn't, Steve let out a breath of relief. Hanging Finn's coat up and Bucky's too. Just like with the other kids, Finn headed upstairs where adventurous pretending was going on.

Briefly, Steve wondered if he'd have better luck upstairs. Since the kids were playing so well on their own though, Steve didn't want to disrupt them. So, he followed Bucky through the kitchen – getting a glass of lemonade for himself while Bucky decided on chocolate milk – to the dining room.

Standing in the entryway, everyone stopped their playful banter to look at him. Which, of course, wasn't what he wanted. But when they all grinned at him and greeted him the way they always had didn't make Steve feel any better either. So much had changed since the last time he had been there, but here was his family acting like he was the same Steve. He wasn't sure what to do, but he sat down in his usual seat beside Bucky, trying to be the Steve he had been a month ago.

Thankfully, the family didn't linger on him for long and turned back to their loud conversations and good-humored arguments. Sure, there was the occasional cursory glance his direction, but nothing too much. It reminded Steve of the first time that he had met them. His heart ached and wondered how he could've fallen so far back with them.

"Should we do cake now?" George asked, looking at Steve. Steve looked at Bucky and was glad when George did too.

Bucky nodded, "Yeah, let's do cake."

Standing from his seat, Silas went to call up the stairs, "CAKE!"

Over the noise of kids running down the stairs, Silas made his way back to the table, laughing. Winnie got up from the table to get the cake and Steve unintentionally flinched when she touched the back of his chair. Guilt seeped through his veins as a frown tugged at Winnie's lips.

Look at what you did now, Steve scolded himself. Hating that he couldn't do anything right.

Soon enough, Finn was climbing onto Steve's lap and Oliver was climbing on Bucky. The other kids climbing into their parents' laps or crowding around their grandparents. Steve had almost forgotten how big and loving the Barnes family was. Had almost forgotten how openly affectionate they were to each other.

Hugging Oliver's former Big Bird plush close to his chest, Finn made himself comfortable on Steve's lap. Instinctively, Steve wrapped his arms around the two year old's frame and briefly rocked them from side-to-side as he kissed his wild blond curls. Silently promising that he'd be a better father now. Promising that he wasn't going to neglect them because he was mourning anymore.

"'Happy birthday, Bucky and Finley,'" the family sang. Winnie placed the cake in front of them on the table. "'Happy birthday, to you!'"

Holding Finn, so he could stand on his thin thighs, Steve smiled as the two year old copied Bucky and blew out candles. Some of his slobber flew over the part of cake in front of him and Steve made sure that they were the ones to eat those slices. Before the cake could be cut, however, Finn smushed his hands into the homemade cake.

"Cookie, what did you do?" Bucky chuckled, removing his hands from the dessert. The two year old giggled and Bucky melted further as he joked, "Guess that's his slice."

And despite everything, the affection flowing through the bond eased Steve. But he still promised that he'd be better. Be a better spouse. Be a better father. Just... be better.

Be the father that their little Rory deserved because she deserved the best.