The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Complicated

Noah

I'd been home for a week and had spent most of it avoiding Elle. I knew it was childish but what was I supposed to do, walk in while she was sitting in the kitchen talking to my mom and just pretend like nothing had happened? Truth was I didn't know how to act around Elle now. We hadn't exactly been friends before we started dating. Back then I'd used my bad attitude to keep everyone at a distance, including Elle. Maybe especially Elle, if I'm being really honest.

It wasn't like I could suddenly revert to acting like my 17 year old self.

I knew Lee and Elle were at the beach house this weekend and I'd seen posts from a couple of people from school that told me there was a party happening tonight. I figured I would just go, catch a glimpse of Elle first and see how that felt before I committed to talking to her.

When I got to the house everyone was outside by the pool and spilling out down onto the beach. That let me wander out to the deck pretty much without running into anybody. I spotted Lee off to the side talking with a bunch of people from school and then I saw her. Elle was dancing with some people I didn't know, but vaguely recognised from her photos.

One of the guys danced closer to her, and then put his fucking arm around her. Elle didn't shove him off, in fact she seemed into it. He kissed her and she kissed him back and I felt like I was right back at the dance competition, watching her kiss Marco. Except this time I had no claim to her, no right to be jealous or hurt or any of the things I was feeling. I felt the familiar surge of anger run through me and my hands balled into fists at my sides.

The kiss was over pretty quickly, although at the same time it seemed like an eternity to me. Elle looked over the asshole's shoulder and locked eyes with me. I stared back at her long enough to register the shock on her face and then I turned and stalked out of the house.

A week later and I'm lying on a sun lounger by the pool at home, earbuds in, music blocking out the rest of the world. Lee has tried to talk to me but I've shut him out. I'm being a child and I know it but I can't help myself. I know it's not fair, I know it's a double standard. I know I've kissed girls this past year but never in front of Elle. Not in a place where we shared so many memories the past two summers. That was not the first image of Elle I wanted in my head after a year of not seeing her. Not in the place where we said goodbye.

Mom is hosting the usual Flynn-Evans Sunday lunch here instead of us going out which is shit because I can't escape it. I already tried and she fixed me with a glare that conveyed in no uncertain terms that my presence was non-negotiable. Apparently us all being back at the same time is something that must be celebrated, when I'd rather just pretend the rest of the world has ceased to exist until I can get on the plane back to Boston.

I can see some movement inside through the glass doors. They must have arrived. Before I can get up, Elle steps out onto the patio, alone. Great, now I'm cornered. She walks towards me, squinting into the sun. I swing my legs across the lounger so I'm sitting sideways, bracing myself for her arrival.

Her shadow falls across me, but she doesn't speak. I look up and watch the play of emotions across her face while I hide mine behind my sunglasses. I decide to break the ice because the silence has stretched on and it's getting more uncomfortable. "Hey."

"Hi. Um look Noah...about the other night. I know you saw me and Josh and..."

Josh. The asshole has a name and suddenly that's more than I can stand.

"You don't owe me an explanation, Elle. We're not together anymore and I don't want to hear it."

"Noah."

"Look I need to get changed for lunch." I get up and walk past her before she can say anything else.

Lunch is awkward. There aren't any other words to describe it. Lee sits in between Elle and I and at least we don't have to look at each other across the table. Elle's little brother Brad has an endless stream of questions for me and while I've always had a soft spot for the kid, the distraction he's providing makes me like him even more.