The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Aftermath

I woke up to the sunlight streaming in through my bedroom windows. In my misery last night I had forgotten to close the curtains. I was curled up in the foetal position, my throat raw and my eyes so dry I knew they would be bloodshot. I wasn't sure how long I had slept for. I'd taken a shower when I got home, and the numbness that had begun when Elle left me at the lookout finally wore off, and the tears had come.

First it was just tears, streaming down my face to mingle with the water pouring down on me from the shower. Then the floodgates had opened and I had sobbed, my head resting on my forearms as I braced myself against the glass, cries wracking my body until the water ran cold and I turned the shower off, shivering. I'd toweled myself off and crawled into bed, letting the exhaustion of the day and all I had done carry me off to sleep.

I was debating getting up to close the curtains when my phone pinged and I saw a text from Chloe:

still alive?

I starting typing a response, then gave up and phoned her instead. Truth was, I needed to hear my friend's voice at that moment. "Well, I guess that answers my question," she opened with, sounding too upbeat and chipper to have run into Elle during the last twelve hours.

"Yeah, I'm alive - barely," I said, trying to hold it together.

"Oh dear, I take it that you didn't patch things up with Elle then?" her voice concerned now.

I took a deep breath and replied, "No. Actually, I broke up with her."

Chloe let out a breath. "Shit mate, I'm so sorry. I know things have been a bit rough this summer and all, but I honestly didn't think this was on the cards." Before I could say anything, she continued on. "Let me pack up my stuff here and I'll be right over, you're at your parent's place, yeah?"

All I managed in response was "Yeah."

"Right," Chloe carried on, "I'll see you in an hour," and she hung up.

I smiled despite still feeling like a hollow husk of human being. This is why Chloe was my friend, my best friend. Even though I had walked out of the beach house after that fateful volleyball game, leaving her there without an explanation, she was now on her way here to comfort me. I shook my head, thinking that I didn't deserve her, either.

My mom must have heard me on the phone because it wasn't long after I hung up with Chloe then there was a soft knock on my door, followed by "Noah, can I come in?".

I cleared my throat and called out, "Give me a minute," realizing I was sitting on the edge of my bed, naked. I mean it was my mom and all, but I was a grown man and that was kind of embarrassing so I raided the duffle bag on the floor, pulling on the first pair of clean boxers and shorts I found. When I opened the door, Mom took one look at me and I crumbled.

I went and sat on the end of the bed and she said, "Oh honey, I'm so sorry," wrapping me in a tight hug. I didn't think I had any tears left, but they came anyway, choking me as I told her everything that had happened with Elle, why I had to break up with her. She let me get it all out, not saying a word, rubbing circles on my back just like when I was a little kid. It felt just as good as it had then, even if I was so much taller than her now, somehow she still made me feel wrapped up and safe, as only a mom can.

When the tears stopped and my breathing returned to normal, Mom spoke quietly, "Noah, I think you did the right thing."

I looked at her then, the surprise obvious on my face and she continued, "Honey, you know I love Elle and I always thought you two would end up together, but maybe this really wasn't the right time. Maybe if you had come to your senses and asked her out a couple of years earlier...."

I raised my eyebrows, "Was I really that obvious?"

She smiled and ruffled my hair. "Probably only to me. I saw the way you watched her, Noah, even as kids. The way you would gravitate to her. If Elle was in a room, you would position yourself so you could see her, even if it was just in your peripheral vision. Honey, I don't know if you even knew you were doing it half the time, it was just a natural reflex. You were so careful to keep a safe distance though, even more so as you both grew older. At first I thought it was because of Lee, because Elle was his best friend. But then I started to wonder if it was because you were protecting yourself, in case she didn't feel the same way you did."

I looked down then, not able to look my mother in the eyes as she continued. "Noah, you built all these walls around yourself as a teenager, kept the world out, bottled everything up inside. Then you started getting into fights...."

I looked up at her. "It was a release. When I would lash out at someone, it was a way to release all my frustration."

She smiled and put her hand on my cheek. "I know sweetheart, and that's why we sent you to those counsellors, hoping they might be able to make you see the reason why and help you deal with your emotions. The truth was, they probably never stood a chance of working out the real reason why, because they never saw you interact with Elle".

My mother had never really spoken to me about all this before, and I wondered why. "Why didn't you say anything?" I asked her.

She sighed, a rueful smile on her face. "Noah, would you have listened?"

I snorted and agreed. "Probably not."

"Besides, you had to figure this out for yourselves, you and Elle".

I turned away. "Yeah, well it didn't turn out so well, in the end."

Mom put her hand on my shoulder, and when I looked up again she said, "Noah, you did the right thing letting Elle go. She needs time to figure out what she wants to do, who she wants to be, away from you and Lee. It was such a complicated time for both of you when you started properly dating, Elle finishing high school, you away at college. You two didn't have enough time to solidify before all this change started happening. You're both still so young and have so much growing to do as people. Just promise me, that if the situation presents itself in the future and you're both in a good place, that you won't completely close yourself off to the idea of you and Elle being together."

My vision wavered then, as tears sprung back to my eyes. "I promise, Mom. Although I can't imagine there will ever be a time when Elle doesn't hate me."

Mom laughed. "Well, she probably feels like she has good reason to hate you right now. I love you Noah, but you have a lot to learn about how to be a good partner. You've got a stubborn streak a mile wide and never let anyone make you do something you don't want to do...."

I grimaced and she continued. "But honey, you have to learn how to bend before you break. Part of loving someone means that you show up for them, not just for the big things, but for all the little things. I watched Elle this summer turning herself inside out for you and Lee and you refusing to be a part of their crazy bucket list just made her life so much harder than it needed to be. I'm not saying this is all your fault, not at all. But next time you find yourself in a relationship, I want you to really think about how you can show up every day for that person, in all the little ways that matter to them. Because that's what real love is. Not just the big, romantic gestures. Although, the occasional one of those is always welcome too," she smiled then, giving me one last hug before getting up and walking towards the door. "Okay, pep talk over, love you hon, and you know my door is always open."

I looked after her in awe as she walked out the door and I'm not sure she heard my response. "I love you too, Mom."

Author's Note: I guess after the talk June had with Elle, I thought there was no way she wouldn't have done something similar with Noah. Hope you liked it.